call me crazy...

but i dont think i'm a real girl!

my cousin Cheryl was updating on her blog about her collection of wedding things..invitations..rings..dresses, etc. and i was thinking about what i wanted my wedding to be and i realized. I'VE NEVER FANTASIZED ABOUT MY WEDDING! i mean, of course, i want to get married. of course i want a wedding. but i dont think i have ever been the kinda girl thats like "i know i want this kind of wedding. with this kind of looking cake. and this is the perfect dress." i know i want a big sparkly ring though! but that's all.
also, i want to elope.

so this means i am a fake girl. sorry guys

UPDATE!

soo remember when i was all "i am going to be so happy until finals week!"?

and then remember how some jerk was like "i give it a week"?

well guess what? it's finals week, and i can HONESTLY say that i have had good days since i changed my attitude. i'm not going to lie and said every little moment was perfect, i did have bad moments. but i didnt let them affect my attitude or my day, and guess what? i made a friend!
not just one friend. BUT FOUR. and also, i have learned so much about myself. it's weird how much people change in such little time. its the end of my first semester in college -- can you believe that?! i still feel like a  child, i'm not going to lie. i dont feel like i belong here, but i am trying to make the best of it, and figure out what life is all about! but i am loving the adventure.

i have made a budget for myself, so that by the end of this semester i can come out on top and not in the hole. and it's going well! i just need to stop eating ;) haha just kidding.
but, my next goal is to schedule my time better. right now, i go to school and then i come home. and then i wait around (doing homework and such) and then i go to work. then i come home. then i go to bed. and that's all. i dont do JACK SQUAT i feel like. and there is so much i want to do!

so this is what i am going to do.
1. get a gym pass.
2. go to the gym EVERY DAY! yes i said every day. not sundays...but 5 days a week i'll be back at the gym! it's time to kick myself into gear again.
3. volunteer. there are amazing places down here in orem..and i really need to get involved! so after the gym...it's straight to service-doing for me!
4. i want to take an archery class. because it's cool :)

so here's my plan (i know you all dont really care, but i feel like if i tell you all then i'll actually do it!)

i am going to wake up. go to school. go to the gym. go volunteer. do homework. go to work. come home. do homework. go to bed. be happy.

i am so excited for this next semester! now that i am all settled in, i really feel like i can get my life into order!

also, i had NO idea christmas was next week. i am kinda freaking out here. maybe i need to pay attention to life more often..yes?

oh well, i am so excited. i love christmas. i love the music. and the jubilee, and the feeling! and plus, NO SNOW! :)

yes yes yes.

i have also found something i actually love about orem. THE WEATHER! it is so much warmer, and less stormy here--what a miracle!

okay, well that was a rant and a half. and i didnt say anything useful. so here is something that will entertain you and forget all the boring things i said.

"the promise"

okay, so here i was. laying in my bed thinking of all the miserable things that happen to me. all the things that i wish that i could change in my life. etc. but then i though HEY! i'm such a loser! i'm the one that is being stupid. i'm the one making myself feel like this every.single.day. then i had another epiphany. if i was doing this to myself, i could do the opposite and make myself feel happy! so guess what i did?

i made a promise.

here it is: i will not have a bad day until finals week (i gave myself until then because everyone knows you're allowed to eat as much as you want and be as cranky as you want during finals week) but here's one of the rules.  i am allowed to have a bad day on sunday because i ALWAYS am cranky on sunday. it doesnt matter where i'm at, who i'm with, or what i am doing. sundays just SUCK. no offense or anything. but they do. i dont know what it is but every sunday i want to go on a crazy rampage of killing. and punch everything in the world.

but i am done talking about that.
so that's that. there's my promise. and guess what? it's working! i went to work, and i was chipper. and my manager was like "why the heck are you smiling?! you never smile!" and then i said (with my head held high..and a smile on my face) "because i am having a GREAT day! :)" then my other manager turns around and she goes. "what the, why?" and i said "because i am always cranky and i am SICK of it!"

then they laughed awkwardly and walked away. but i was proud of myself. oh so proud.

and then guess what? i made TWO friends at work that day :) TWO!!!
i am already facebook friends with one of them. go me!

and also, now i ALWAYS have good days at work! always! because i sit by my friends and we laugh. we laugh so hard my brains fall out. and then i laugh some more. then someone calls and i am on the phone call, and i just start laughing for no good reason! i kinda get in trouble sometimes because i laugh so much, but i dont think anythings wrong with it. everyone could use more laughter in their life!

that is why i am going to show you THIS: www.hyperboleandahalf.com
okay, if you dont laugh out loud at least 5 times while you read this. then you dont have a soul. because i am 1. addicted and 2. in love with it because it makes me laugh so freaking hard.

anyways, i hope you all enjoy that gift i gave you.

also, mal's words of wisdom for the day:
dont procrastinate. the end.

p.s. the drawings in that blog are what kill me. their hands. oh.my.gosh. i just cant even handle how hilarious it is. i just want to laugh all the time. and so i do :)

what happened?

will someone tell me where mallory went?
i mean, not this one. not the one that's here. the one that had fun. that laughed. that was excited to wake up in the morning to tackle on the daily duties. the one that did stuff. like smiling.
something happened, i dont know what. but i dont remember the last time i was actually excited for something. i am sick of everything. i want everything to be the way it used to be. i want my sister back. i want to not be living in this forsaken apartment. town. county. everything. i get anxiety every time i have to walk into my apartment. i dont think my brain is even on when i'm at work. and school is a joke. everything around me is going, and i just am sitting here with a glaze over my eyes going through the days counting the seconds when i can go back to bed.
i need a little bit of saving. and a friend.

what to say..what to say...

haha okay, i know i am the worst blog writer in the WORLD lately, but i honestly have no freaking clue what to say anymore!
i wish my life was exciting. i wish that some crazy thing would happen. but lets get real. it's not.
want to know my life schedule?
8 am. wake up.
9 am. you're late for class, hurry up and go.
12 pm. get home from class for the day.
12:15 pm. hurry up and eat.
12:30-2 pm. homework, homework, homework.
2-3 pm. play with kami (my roommate)
3-4 pm. take a nap.
4:30 pm. leave for work
5-10 pm. work.
10-12 pm. (honestly, who knows what happens in this time. i just sit on the computer, or hang out across the hall. or just go to bed.)

thats my life. every. single. day. exciting, i know. i'm not trying to complain, dont get me wrong i have some fun. but it does get boring at times. i just wish i had a day off where i could do something. but then again, i have no freaking idea what i would do with a day off. usually, on my tuesdays off (because i have tuesdays off..for class that i have that goes until 6) but i have no idea what to do with myself and my time off!
i really like my job at the call center. i get a lot of hours, enough money to pay for things i need, etc. and i am making a lot of friends there :) we have fun.

also, for the longest time i thought it was ect. not etc. i'm so silly sometimes.
like when i was eating food with this kid i work with, and he was talking about how at work this and this and this happened. and i looked at him i was like wait! where do you work?! (all seriously) and then it hit me that i work with him!
i was so embarrassed.

okay, i guess i do have some BIG BIG NEWS!

I GOT A NEW CAR! my death car, that was literally trying to kill me, was getting out of control and so i told my dad and battabingbattaboom! mallory had a new car! it's super cute, and so me!
it's an all black 09 kia rio. how freaking cute, right?!
anyways, i'd be jealous if i were you. haha just kidding.
okay maybe one day i'll take a picture of it and show you guys the joyfulness of the car. :)

excuse me, sir

so a whole lot of funny things have happened lately, i just want to sit around and laugh so hard sometimes.
anyways, today i was sitting on the bus and the most disgusting smellling person was sitting here all high and mighty. it was a combination of BO and cologne. it was the smell of vomit. i couldnt stop laughing at that poor soul. bless his heart, i almost wanted to give him some wet wipes or something.

then i had to run to class because i was SUPER late and so i ran into class and there was this boy presenting, and i wasnt really paying attention to him because, you know, who really pays attention in those kinds of things? yeah,  not me. but then! i looked up at him and i discovered something that i wish i would have known years ago.
ELF'S EXIST! there is no way they couldnt after looking up at his sweet little pointy ears.

also, i need some serious help, with a few things actually.
1. i am looking for an after school nanny job...for somewhere in utah county. so if anyone knows of anything, please please pleaseeeeee let me know! i will be your best friend forever.
i miss those kinds of jobs so bad. i miss being around kids. i miss their voices and their energy! i'd rather change a diaper then sit in an office all day.
i miss everything about it.
2. i need some help. i am trying to make a budget for myself because i feel like my money just goes places that i dont even know. SO what i'm asking for is suggestions on how you've budgeted..what you've noticed that works and doesnt work .

school is getting better. it's hard. it's lonely. it's a lot of work, but i am working at it every day to be positive and to make the best out of what i have, because in the wise words of my cousin rachel, the grass is greener where you water it!

i got to talk to merrit yesterday morning, she was leaving the airport for ecuador! horray for her! i am so excited for her :)
it was kinda hard talking to her, but absolutely perfect! i miss her so much every single day. but she is going to be a super great missionary. she is doing really well, if anyone wanted to know!
she kinda feels like it's not real life, but she is loving it! she is kinda overwhelmed with the whole situation, but she'll adjust lickity split. (i know i spelled that wrong, but honestly everyone i asked had no idea how to spell lickity, so dont be hatin)

also, i need some hugs. so if anyone wants to. come to orem. give me a hug. and tell me that we're friends. because sometimes i get a little lonely and sad.

anyways. bye.

welll.

fall break was wonderful :)

it was just what i needed, and i had a lotta fun! but now it's  back to school and i think i am just going to lay in my bed forever and never stop.

wanna know something? i just made dinner for the first time by myself. weird, huh? 

i made scones, and chili, and we had honey butter. and it was so yummy. but not really worth all the money and time, so i am back to eating applesauce and water. it's a great diet, i must say. 

i went to church for all 3 hours yesterday, which was a miracle. anddd i went to munch and mingle..AND. ward prayer. i am so so proud of myself.

have you ever seen a bear combing his hair?

also, i hate philosophy. 

lets play!

i hate how in the moment of life, you dont find the joy. you dont realize how happy you are, or how lucky you are to have what you actually have. and then after...you look back and wish and wish that you could have everything back to where it was.
i wish so badly i could be back in elementary school, or even middle school.
but honestly, i'd even go back to the WONDERFUL summer that i had. i did so many fun things, and i got to be a kid again.
running around pretending to be a ghostbuster with the kids i nannied, riding on the back of an elephant, strutting my stuff down the streets of portland, and having dance parties on the roof of a hotel in thailand until the wee hours of the morning.
it was what i call a picture perfect summer. :)
but it's october now. oc.freaking.tober. and i dont know how this happened, really. i have lived here for almost two months (only 7 months leftttt!) and merrit leaves in 9 days. i cry almost constantly about this. i cried in class today haha. oh man, this is going to be the longesttttt 18 months of my life. i'll be over halfway done with college, i will probably have a job that you dont get paid minimum for doing back breaking work, and possibly i will have a grasp on what life is all about. this isnt what i like to talk about though.

anyways, the real reason why i am reminiscing on my wonderful summer, is how much i wish i could just remember to play, and find the light and joy in life..no matter how dark the clouds are over my head.



 this video helped me remember all the funny silly times i had this summer, running around the house pretending to be chasing ghosts. why do we have to grow up? oh yeah, that's right. we dont.

thats a major reason why i love LOVE my major. i get to help kids play, and learn, and do both at the same time. it's what i'm so excited about.

anyways, while walking home today, i had the most wonderfully glorious sight:

the storm was a brewin', and i was excited. i kept seeing lightning in the distance, and could only PRAY that i wouldnt get attacked by the pouring rain that was to come. i love rain, and i love dancing in it. but when i have all my homework and my laptop, there would have been some angry words dancing around my head.

just past that soccer field, there is a giant parking lot i walk through to get to my apartment. it's always full when i am walking home, and there are ALWAYS people driving around searching for a parking spot, but they can never find it...because there isnt one! so they end up deciding to stalk people walking through to parking lot, because they assume i am going to my car. i'm not. and it's always funny because they will be about 5 feet behind me, and throughout the ENTIRE parking lot they follow me, and get all disappointed once i get to the grassy patch and still dont get into a car :) the people that actually ask are wonderful, because i dont feel like i am being watched, and i hate that. plus i dont like that they are most likely looking at my butt. i mean, go ahead and look. but stop staring at it! ;)

maybe i should put a sign on my backpack that says "stop following me, i'm not going to my car. BACK OFF!"

i'll be sure to make that today.

anyways, does nobody read this anymore!? i am getting depressed and less and less desirous to update ya'lls on my life.
that's my hint of telling you to comment. because they make me happy and feel less lonely.

also, any tips on how to survive this next 18 months of solitude would be helpful.

take your hat off as the flag goes by.

have you ever been walking and feel like everyone is just watching you?
yeah, this happens every.day.of.my.life.
at my school, they have this hallway. it is lined with chairs facing the walkway, and then as flags lining both sides of the hall.

you can only imagine how awkward walking down this hall can be! i always feel like people are going to stand up and clap and cheer for me!

secretly, i wish they would. how exciting would that be..seriously! all i want to do is be cheered for.

so one day i am going to stage a giant musical and people are going to be singing and dancing down the hall and nobody will ever know what hit them. 

and it is going to be so so wonderful...i can just see it now. :) first i just need to find some friends to do it with me. 

also. i have a secret. i am in love.

:/

reasons why i love my family

enough said.

scripture talk

okay, so i have started to realize this really annoying cadence that people talk in when they are reading their scriptures or giving a talk in church, and i'm not going to lie it kinda drives me crazy.
but the most annoying thing is..i do it too! and i cant even help it! i just read it and while i'm doing it all i can think about is how annoying i am being by doing this, but of course i cant freaking stop.
boo on that!
also, merrit. aka my sister. aka my best friend. has her mission farewell this sunday. i cant even express my sadness..but also my joy for her. i cant imagine how the next two years are going to be without her...and honestly i dont want to. i dont even know who i am supposed to call when i just need to whine..nobody understands..or gives as good advice as my big sissy does :(
great, i'm crying again. i gotta stop doing this.

i got attacked.

okay, this is kinda a lame story to tell, but forreals it was a painful moment (and it's still painful!) so i am going to whine about it to the world.

the other day i was walking home from school just talking to my mom about how bad i hated walking home because every time i did without fail i would have to go to the bathroom REALLY bad! so anyways, finally i crossed the super busy/scary road that you have to cross to get to my apartments and i'm just walking walking walking then BAM a car drives past me and a giant piece of metal comes shooting straight into my foot! and the stupid corner gets stuck into my heel. i was crying and screaming because it freaked me out! and then i pulled it out and i was all bloody! but i had to keep walking because i had to go to the bathroom and so i was running down the road with a bloody foot and me screaming on the phone to my mother.
i'm sure it was quite the sight.

so that's my college life for you. i am still weird. and i am still happy as a lark :)

anyways, what the heck is a lark and why is it so happy!? what if i wanna be happy as a parrot? or a turtle? I LOVE TURTLES. i want one soooooooooooooooooooooo bad.
almost as bad as i want a bull dog (hint hint, dad)

sleep tight...dont let the bed bugs bite!

..no but seriously. dont let them. because they will :/

yes..my apartment was struck with the mean lil buggers called bed bugs. it was quite the dramatic experience, that's for sure. and it had to happen when i was in the WORST mood ever.

everyone was running around grabbing their stuff, screaming, and ripping sheets off the beds and i was just standing there..ready to cut the next person that screamed. i loaded up my bags, and ran far...FAAARR. away. (okay, well maybe just to barnes and nobel. but they have free wifi!) anyways..imagine this. hobo mallory (in her work out clothes from zumba class) laying on the floor in the corner of a book store with her backpack and all her "precious" belongings all around her. yeah, i looked homeless.

oh. and guess what? i live at hogwarts....great.

so..thats me. being kicked out of my apartment so they could spray the thing down. i havent slept on my bed since..because i didnt feel like washing my sheets. sooo i slept on the floor in my roommates TINYYY room. it was quite cozy. :)

anyways, it's getting colder outside and i am getting more and more unhappy about it. i LOVE fall...but its the thing that follows it that i hate. especially because i have to walk to school andddd it's quite a long walk! driving doesnt take that long, but then once you are walking..it's not as quick as you would hope. sooo i am taking donations to go towards buying me a parking pass at school so my walk isnt quite as far :)

college is great though :)

this.stupid.freaking.bed.

i cant walk. i blame this bed.
i got a really weird rash the other day, and then it went away. but my roommate got it too..but hers hasnt gone away. so question..can you get a rash from mold..because we have all sorts of mold in our shower. soo..hopefully i dont die.

i love my new job :) i mean, all i do is wipe tables and crawl around on the floor and wipe things, but it's fun! mostly i am just SO thankful that i have a job. SOOO thankful!

umm school is good...suuuper boring. i feel like i'm really not even doing anything! but it's fun! you should see all the drawings i do during class! today i was in class and i opened my notebook full of my arts and the boy next to me looked over and just busted up laughing at me. i a little bits wanted to die, but you know whatever.

and then i am walking to my next class (down the worlds longest stair case) and i was listening to music and i was having a grand old time and BAM. i fall down the stairs. and boy oh boy did i fall..and you know when you fall and you make weird sounds? yeah, i did that. and then i just sat their with an owey butt laughing my head off at myself..and everyone thought i was so crazy, but it was funny!

anyways, i just want to sit here and curse at this mattress of mine :s

OH! tomorrow i am doing my first classroom observation! HORRAAAYY! i am excited, but actually really nervous. oh well, i'll let you know how it goessss!

anyways, sorry i am so boring. i dont even have any good stories..you'd think i didnt do anything all day..but trust me. i do. :)

a rude awakening.

DISCLAIMER: this is me pouring my soul out. so i am sorry that it's boring. and i'm sorry if it makes no sense. but just let me be.

okay, so i have kinda been slacking in my scripture reading and praying. i guess i kinda find it hard to do it when i go to bed later then my roommate and then i dont want to turn the light on to read (because heaven forbid i even take my book into the other room). but anyways, today i decided i needed to get back into the rhythm of things and to refocus my life...it's funny what god will show you in the exact moments that you need it.
i was on my computer wishing i could turn the light on to read, but then i realized that it is the age of technology, and i was pretty sure that somewhere on this world wide web i could find something that would allow me to read without turing on the stupid light. so i did :)

i randomly clicked on enos and i guess every single word he said in that tiny little book was exactly what i needed to hear. not exactly what i wanted to hear, but what i needed :) enos was such a strong, and full of faith man and i wish so badly i could be more like him. it's funny how simple it is, trust in the lord and how vast the blessings you recieve are. i wish i could be better at this then i am :s

i love the difference that i can see in my life when i focus my life towards living it how the savior would want me to. it's getting harder and harder i guess you could say, living on your own and everything. there are a million things being pushed at you and you have so many things to stress out about and i hate how i've been slacking off, and not letting the lord into my life.

SOOO. blah blah blah, i know i am kinda being boring so sorry. but i just want to challenge everyone...if you've been slacking on your scripture reading..pick up that book of mormon and read it because it will change your life, and you'll see that things just seem to go in a better direction and you can make it through the day without calling your mom and crying to her (okay, mostly that's just me that does it. but you know..insert your own issue in place of mine)

but anyways. i love jesus :) aaaand i'm starting to love college (well..i wouldnt say love. but i am beginning to be able to live through the day a little bit.)

who says?!

who says college is fun?!
who says you make a lot of friends in college?!

because seriously, i'ma punch them in the face if they say that one more time. but i guess it's getting better. i figured something out about college though. people work it up so much to be this huge thing..and so i was expecting something big and huge and terrible. i had anxiety attacks about it. but then i sat down and realized..."wait a second, college is just school!" haha i know, what a lame statement. BUT it's true. i worked it up so much in my head that i was expecting..who knows what. so i was just all stressed out about it. but no, it's just freaking school still. which kinda sucks, but you know..you do what you gotta do. and i'ma do this thing!

i got a job finally :) after applying to over 40 places. I FREAKING GOT A JOB! horray for me. it's at cafe paesan. it's like an italian version of cafe rio and i'm not going to lie, it's delish!

i've gotten so fat though, i swear. skinny roommates that eat all day is going to be the death of me. because not so skinny mallory eats all day with them. NOT GOOD. but i guess it's good that i'm poor because i dont have money to buy food, so therefore..once i run out of the food i currently have. eating is over. haha

anyways, i am alive. kinda. i'm just wishing i wasnt so tired all the time. and sometimes i wish i was better at making friends. :/ it's not easy for me! i'm not one to just go up and be like "oh hi waht are you talking about? oh my names mallory."
and then the whole issue of "so..what do you do for fun?" comes up and uh HELLO. that is my least favorite question in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD. becasue i dont do anything for fun! i dont know how to answer that freaking question! i always just awkwardly laugh and say "oh..you dont want to know" but uh hello. in reality..i dont have a freaking answer for you. so please, i beg of you. do not EVER ask me that question. because i dont have cool talents. i dont do anything. so just dont ask!

anyways. dating life? yeah. not there yet either so dont even bother asking.

super awesome things that give me the smiles

Helloooo folks! crank up your speakers, and get ready to get sucked into some websites that will make you smile...and just give you a nice break! i hope these make you as happy as they make me!

1.

2. http://1000awesomethings.com/

absolutely everything on this list makes me so happy, because it's so true! i dont know why, but sometimes you have to be reminded of all the awesome things around you. :)

3. http://www.insanewiches.com/

seriously..who doesnt love a good sammich!? i sure do!

4. movies that make you laugh over and over and over again no matter how many times you watch it. what are they for me you ask? currently house bunny :) hahaha. i just cant get enough. BUT you can never forget baby mama. what a classic! i'm sure there are more, i go on kicks. but my all time favorite movie? edward scissorhands. LOOOVE IT.

5. reading a super good book that you want to pass around the entire world. aka. my sisters keeper. i LOVED the movie, and then last summer i found the book at walmart for like $4, so i was like oh! i will read it in kenya! yeah, i never did. but then i took it to thailand and started reading it. needless to say i got SUCKED into it and couldnt stop. anyways, i loved it. everyone and their dog should read it. i'll let you borrow it. i promise. sign up now.

6. puppies. babies. and anything that cuddles.

7.

aka. this is my favorite song in the world. i listen to it every morning...sometimes twice. but usually three times :) i dont know what makes me so happy about it, but i secretly just want someone to bust out a uke in the middle of some random place and sing it to me.

actually no because i would feel super super awkard and most likely run away with my BRIGHT red face. curse my face that turns red any time anyone even looks at me. it's not like i can help it! and i especially hate when people are like "OH MY GOSH YOUR FACE IS SO RED." okay, hello. thanks for that JERKS. i know it's red. i can feel it all hot and awkard. it's not like i was sitting there all awkwardly just wishing my face would turn bright red to make the already awkward situation even more awkward!

man..some people.

anyways, remember that list i made..things that give me anxiety. yeahh wellll i forgot to add something to it!
but i guess it kinda goes along with the whole mascots thing..anyways. i'll tell you.

it's called i am so so so afraid of taxidermy animals. moose heads, deer heads, EVERY animal at the bean museum at BYU. i cried...CRIED! when my mother took me. granted i thought the bean museum was where they made stupid freaking beans or something. nobody told me the truth! and i was like..5.
or maybe 8. but it doesnt matter. i hated it. maybe i just felt bad for the dead animals. or maybe i was afraid.

i'm going to go with the afraid one.

i am also afraid of the dinosaur museums...

oh! maybe it's just big things because i am super freaked by huge things that are..tall. haha.i probably shouldnt let myself write on my blog so late..i just blab about things that are super awkward and embarrassing.

anyways. i NEED a pet piggy. like the little ones that stay little forever..like in uptown girls.



this is another one of my favorite movies that i've seen wayyy too many times.

:)

here's something that made my day this week. making sugar cookies at work-
resulted in consuming half a carton of frosting...WAY too many sprinkles and awesome mickey mouse, star, moose, and heart shaped cookies.

whims and watermelon

everyone has done at least one thing in their life that was completely on a whim. it doesnt have to be big...but sometimes the bigger the better! it is probably one of my favorite things to do...it reminds me that i am in control of my life! i love it!

anyways, the reason i bring this up...i gave in. i cut my hair. and let me just tell you..i CUT my hair. i absolutely love it though. it is super short, and freaking so easy to do, and honestly...i have never felt prettier. i would have never thought that because you'd think i'd feel like a boy or something..but alas, that is not the case. I dont really have any good pictures of it..i swear every time a camera turns on and my face does like..super ugly things so i just am really embarrassed to show anyone them. buttt here is one that you kinda get the idea of how freaking adorable i am now ;)

okay, i lied. this one is super ugly. how embarrassing.

anyways, i want to know what everyone else has done on a whim! have you ever just been driving and....decided you needed a little vacation orrr..i dont know! bought something super expensive without really putting some good thought into it? i really want to know! i feel like i need to do things like this more often.

also, sorry about the centered words. it automatically did it anddd it wont let me change it back. or maybe i am just crazy and somewhat handicapped with technology (which is a rather large possibility)

oh, and the watermelon part. i LOVE watermelon. i wish someone would buy me one a day...ahh. i would be the happiest girl on the planet earth. and i love sunflowers, and daisys. soo much. they just make me happy!

so this summer has been awesome. i just want to say that. i cant even believe how fast it has gone by..i swear i was graduating YESTERDAY. and now i've already been to thailand, got a job, quit that job, got a new job, went sailing, been to EVERY free concert at pioneer park (yes, that was my summer goal. i guess i still have a few more to go. i dont know why i love them so much..mostly for the people watching. it is one of my few talents.) i have partied at the farmers market, melted in the sun, got a blistering sun burn (you have to make that mistake at least once every summer), drove through the canyon for my first time, rode a segway through portland, picked berries, and seriously...soooo much more. i cant even believe it.

but now i am unhappy to announce that..i move to orem this month.

i guess it is a bittersweet announcement for me. i am soo ready and soo excited for all the awesome things that are ahead..but it is probably the scariest thing to me EVER. what is wrong with me? i can go to kenya, and thailand without my parents..no problem! but send me 30 minutes away aaand i am having a freaking anxiety attack! something is seriously wrong with me.

oh and also, does anyone know if there is somewhere that teaches meditation. i really want to do it!

anyways, this is me signing off!

WOW! i'll be in bed before midnight for probably the first time this whole summer! :) go me.

thailand memories.

soo i have just been thinking about my cute/ awesome thailand trip and how much i loved it and how much i wish i could be there right now, you guys have no idea how much i loved it there. it was SOOOO much fun! i made so many awesome friends and had so much awesome memories, and sooo i just wanted to share a few pictures with you to show how much freaking fun i had! maybe one day i will update you on all the stories of the goodness of my trip, or mabye you should invite me to eat dinner at your house so i can tell you all the wonderfulness of it (but PLEASE i beg of you, please do not make thai food. i cant take it!) okay, and i know this is like put together like a freaking stupid person did it, but i'm far too lazy to care what it looks like..soooo dont be hatin :)

shopping in phuket

I LOVE THESE KIDS! SO MUCH

water in jello cups. :)

it's so beautiful here! we were soo hyper. all the time :)

we dug the crap out of that hole!vip lounge :)

EWWW.i almost died this day. forreals.

this is kinda embarrassing

okay, i dont know if anyone really knows this about me..well probably everyone does but i just feel like talking about this anyways. i have this huge fear of probably the stupidest thing on the planet earth...

mascots.

i know, it's like something a freaking 3 year old would say, but trust me i have tried so hard to overcome this fear. (by the way, i looked it up, it's called Masklophobia--the fear of mascots..i'm not the only one!) but anyways, i have just tried to talk myself out of this for soo long but it's not working. i am convinced that once i finally find someone to date (heaven knows when that's going to happen) but WHEN i do...one day he'll surprise me and be like the freaking mascot of something..and that will be that because i wont be able to talk to him ever again!

anyways, i was thinking about my past experiences with them..and i dont even have a traumatic one..BUT i do have this memory of when utah had the indoor soccer team Freeze or whatever the heck their name was. they had this FREAKY mascot...it was like  a giant blue bear looking thing with dreads. (i tried finding a picture but i couldnt. okay, actually i didnt really try that hard. but you'll get over it)

so we had like season tickets or something, i dont even remember. all i know is we went a lot. and one time we went with these people in the neighborhood (i've had a crush on one of their sons since like...age 6) so blah blah blah, we're just at the game having a jolly good time..and then one of the worker guys comes over and asks if our family wants to go on the field during halftime and play one of the shooting games or whatever, and i was really excited at first! but then the fear of having to see that freaking mascot up close came over my entire body and i could not make myself get down on that stupid field. so one of the boys from the other family went in my place.

can i be a bigger baby!?

and at soccer games even know...me being a freaking 18 year old adult...i see that stupid mascot and my stupid heart like POUNDS and i sweat! once i spent the whole game running around the stadium because i swear he follows me everywhere i go. i'll hide in the bathroom foreverrrrrr.

it's kind of embarrassing..i cant believe i am even admitting all of this. i guess it doesnt even matter to anyone else.

oh well, that's all i wanted to say. i always feel awkward ending blog posts..i never know what to say! i guess it's the same with my journal, i kinda just wanna end it mid sentence because i realize that what i'm talking about is soo lame and pointless. so i guess i'll just be done now....

got sweat?

WOW so after what seems like 132 weeks of traveling, we're FINALLY in thailand! oh my goshhh! what a beautiful country it is! our hotel is right by this marsh/river thing. i thought it was the ocean, but this is still super cool!

The plane ride was MISRABLE to say the least. we went from slc to san fran, then from san fran to taiwan. aka i took an ambien to i could sleep on the flight, but i woke up when they were bringing the food around. i was super excited/hungry. and it was chicken! YUM my favorite, right? uhh no. never again. i ate it, and fell right back asleep. actually i might have fallen asleep while eating, i honestly cannot remember. but after a while of sleeping, i woke up to myself barfing alllll over the place. uh yeah. chicken, noodles, a roll. everywhere. i hardly remember this since i was so out of it and drugged up, but yes. there was puke all over me and my tray table. i woke up aaron who was next to me because i had no freaking idea what to do. and he looked at it and covered his nose. ha how rude. actually i would too, it was gross. then i like finally got the idea to call the flight attendant and there were like 8 of them standing there just looking at me and i was like. "i puuuuked." and so finally they got me some towels and what not. bless their hearts. luckily i had my blanket over my body, so i just wrapped it up and threw that and my pillow away. i was so bummed because that was my favorite travel blankie and pillow :(

oh well. i survived. then later i woke up and i couldnt remember if that whole thing was real or not because it was just so weird. but yeah it was real and i am super grossed out by myself. so i got up and took some pepto and hoped i would feel better and went back to sleep becase...what else are you going to do on a 13 hour flight? but i woke up AGAIN and was sick so i called the lady just in time for her to bring me a bag to puke in. yeah. at least this one was pink so it wasnt so bad to look at.

then we finally got to taipei (yeah, cant spell it. sorry. it's in taiwan though) and i thought i felt better until they had us get onto a tour bus. we had a 14 hour layover and they thought it would be fun to make barfy mallory get on an effing bus and drive around the entire country. yeah, i was so sick. and the tour guide, bless his heart, he was so cute but he just talked and talked and i was about to puke so finally i just grabbed him and i was like "get me a back or a garbage can because i'm going to puke" so he's like running around the bus for me. he was so sweet. so yeah, needless to say i just puked my guts out for like 3 days. i felt so stupid. and i couldnt stop crying! i was just so upset that i hadnt been able to freaking lay in a bed or puke in a real toilet or sleep for 3 days that i just wanted to cry all the time!

but finally i took some motion sickness medicine, passed out asleep on the bus, and felt a lot better :)

but now. i am in thailand. and i am hot. and sweaty. and sticky. and i am wearing so much sunscreen and bugspray i think if i wanted to i could climb up walls with my sticky skin.

probaby the best things that have happened to me so far:
1. sleeping in a bed
2. emily getting attacked in the shower by i lizard.
3. a girl finding a cocroach in her undies.
4. the taiwanese girl wearing a shirt that said "i love sweet hug?"
5. all of the BEAUTIFUL colors on temples and shrines.
6. the sweet kids that loved holding my hand and running around
7. biffing it while playing soccer
8. when the lady made me get up and dance in front of everyone durning the opening ceremonies.
9. brushing my teeth after not being able to for 3 days.
10. the bananas (i had 6 for lunch)
11. the surprise french fries for dinner
12. AIR CONDITIONING IN MY HOTEL ROOM.
13. this computer so i dont feel so lonely :)
14. the sooo cute thai baby i got to hold, but he was so afraid of me. probably because i'm white.
15. the pearls i got for SUPER cheap :)

now will someone please make it stop being sooo hot during the day?! i honestly might die. i cannot believe how hot it is. i wish you knew..ah.
i seriously just sweat from every part of my body.
even my butt.
yes. i have swass. and i hate it.

but i am hoping tomorrow i will be able to survive and get some good construction done! we're putting in ceptic tanks, building some building and then tiling a floor! sooo bring on the heat! (actually, dont. pray for cloud cover please)

i am sorry if i spelled every single word wrong in this post, i am so out of it and just like..brain dead i cant even like function. i am just thankful for the shower, even though it drips out one drop of water at a time.

anyways, i am safe and well and happy and hot! i hope everything in america is fine and dandy. i loove you all! :)

18 years...any regrets?

you know when something big is about to happen, ooh lets just say..something like your graduation..and it makes you look back on your life and think if you would have done anything differently,or if you have any regrets? wellllll i've been actually thinking a lot about it because of my whole tech center graduation, and now my high school graduation. it's just weird. but honestly, i wouldnt go back.

i love who i turned out to be, and honestly that's good enough for me. granted, i dont have a lot of friends, but i'm okay with that. i dont feel like i need to be impressing other people, or trying to fit in with everyone, and i really love that about me. i know that's kinda weird, but it's just how i am i guess :) i also really like that i am not afraid to stand up for myself, or say no to people when i really mean no.

what's weird is, no matter how much i hated the tech center, i loved it at the same time. i found out what i DIDNT wanna do when i grow up, i made a lot of friends, i found out what kinds of boys to NOT date, andddddd i learned that public speaking is one of my favorite things ever :)

i guess there are a few things i wish i would have done more in high school...maybe go on a date once in a while ;) or not be so afraid to trust people, but i suppose that'll just be something i need to work on!

the one thing i regret (that is actually probably the lamest thing ever) is once my family went on a vacation to sea world or something, and me and merrit had the chance to kiss a sea lion, but i chickened out. i wanna freakin kiss a sea lion!



anyways. i think my goal is to go on one date with one boy that i can actually stand before i leave for thailand. i have two weeks. blahhh.

maybe i should change that goal right now. it's a lot harder then you think it is! i mean, i realize i'm weird..but really, come one. at least i make good conversation! anyways, i hope i get to kiss a sea lion one day, that's all i ever think about. maybe riding a elephant in thailand will make up for it. but knowing me i am going to chicken out. except i did pet a rhino, sooooo maybe i'm being less of a chicken.

oh wait no. i am still terrified of mascots. :( poooo. one day...i'll be brave :)

i have become "diner girl"

oookay. so i started my new job at the cafe in lifetime, and i really like it! the first day i was really scared and overwhelmed, but now i feel less stupid and i am kinda getting the hang of it, but i mean, it's only been two days so i'm not a professional or anything.

but anyways, onto the topic of this little post.

it seems to be that all the rich and popular boys from my school just sit and hang out at the cafe. i swear they come in three times a day and eat a bazillion foods. well this makes it super awkward for me because i kinda know some of them, and i think they know me, but i know all of them..just from seeing them at school..i mean they're popular everyone knows of them! anyways so they come in today, and i would just smile at them and try not to die of awkwardness. but they like refused to look at me! it was weird! and then this kid ordered a pizza and went and sat down, and i was just cleaning up the sitting area. so the lady made the pizza, and called his name and walked away, but he didnt hear. so i felt obligated to take him this stupid pizza with these 7 guys around him.
so i get up enough courage to grab the pizza and walk it over to them, and i got there and i was like "HI! this is blah blah blah's pizza" and nobody even looked at me, soo i was like ookay.
and then i looked at this one kid and i was like, is you're name blah blah blah. and they didnt look AGAIN. so i was like okay. i am going to throw this pizza at the wall and run into the back room and cry because i feel like such an idiot. so i just set the pizza down in front of a random boy as i yell you're welcome to the world and run away.
man. this story was a lot more awkward when it happened, now it just sounds stupid. maybe i'm writing it in a stupid way but this is all i've got right now.
BOO.

i wish i could explain to you the awkwardness of it. i felt like the girl on a Cinderella story and all the popular people are so mean.

but seriously, other than that i really love my job! the people are so nice!

also, school is almost over. i have half of my math final to finish and then i am DONE. i seriously cannot believe this! I AM GRADUATING! i dont know when that happened, but i like the sound of it :)

i had seminary graduation on sunday, and it felt sooo good to be done! OH i also gave a church on sunday, yeah, i dominated. too bad nobody was there to hear it, but i just whipped that thing out!i was really impressed with myself. you know, no matter how much i complain about that tech center class i did, i am SO thankful for the public speaking skills that i learned, because i am so much more confident and good at public speaking! not a nervous freak who cant spit words out!

oh but anyways, back to what i wanted to say about seminary graduation. when it was my turn to walk up, i got SO nervous! like i felt like i was walking so weird and i got stressed out for the real high school graduation because i have to walk a lot farther, and with a ton more people watching me and i really am stressing about this! so i need to practice my walk, maybe i'll watch more america's next top model so i can get some good pointers. yeah. that's probably a good idea.

this is what i'm going to do twice a day, every day until i get my walk DOWN.

what the what!?

okay sooo i start my new job today :) i dont know if i said this ever but i got a job at LIFETIME FITNESS :) i am so freaking excited. i will be working in the cafe and bistro thing there, and i really cant wait! i hope i'm not bad at it..not gunna lie i'm kinda nervous! but the people there seem really cool annnddd it seems just like a fun place! so anyways, i am really excited.


oh, also...school sucks. the end.

oh but yesterday i was at the gym and i was talking to this random girl about i dont know what..but anyways she told me about this website called myfitnesspal.com and she said its kinda like a weight loss tracker/food journal/exercise helper thing that like you can type in all your information and it helps you track how many calories you should be eating, how much you should be working out, ect. to meet your goal weight by a certain date...it seemed really cool! i havent had time to check it out, but it seemed sweeett to me. sooo for all my family members that are doing this crazy biggest loser competition (p.s. i am going to win) but its free! so sign up and geeeet going! :)

also, graduation in like TWO weeks.
thailand in three. WHAT THE WHAT?! how did that sneak up on me?! well i am selling sonic value cards that have a lot of buy one get one free things, and all the money is going towards rebuilding the school in thailand that was crashed down my the tsunami sooo if you're interested, they are $10 and just contact me! i'd love to get ya one. anyways, either email mallory-kay@hotmail.com or facebook, text, ya know...whatever :)

also..this saturday we are having a garage sale, i am not sure of the exact location..but i'll keep you posted! we'll be selling not trashy stuff! i promise! we'll have the cards there, we'll have food, it'll be fun i promise! :)

procrastination

Okay so i have to give a 10 minute speech tomorrow...30 slides...video clips..all of that jazz. but what is the only thing i can think about?
toast.

i freaking love toast. i wish i could steal all the bread from great harvest and make it into toast and then slap some butter on it and eat it all the time.

it is freaking amazing.

anyways...i thought of something else that gives me anxiety...

having to deal with my passport in the airport. i have like legit anxiety that i am going to lose it, and get stuck somewhere and yada yada yada. i like check my bag for it 14 times while standing in some ten minute line...i cant help it! i guess it's better than not caring and leaving it somewhere. but sometimes i just feel like i'm so obsessed with not losing it that i am going to lose it.

anyways...i came up with a few things that i cant stand:

1. friction. like rubbing my hands together. skin on skin contact..HATE it.
2. tinfoil. i just hate it.
3. when people scratch the carpet with their fingernails.
4. touching paper after washing my hands.
5. the sound of forks on glass plates


okay i think that's all. i NEED to write this stupid speech.uuugh.

i'm a gleek...

i adore glee. more than anything in the world. i wish it was my life. i want to date finn. mostly i want to marry finn actually. today they had the BEST episode. seriously..ice ice baby and cant touch this..how can you say that's bad!

i am also stressed out up to my eyeballs. i have to give two speeches this week, and then one huge one next week. thanks to my wonderful father i got rid of my nervous breakdown and actually tackled that project. i'm so thankful for him :)

okay ah. i am having a hard time typing this post because i am so consumed with watching glee. seriously, if you dont watch it i will let you come to my house and watch every single episode with me, because...it's wonderful. :)

anyways. sorry...bye!

why is it so hard for me...

why is is so hard for me to lose weight? i freaking work out 2 hours a day..for 5 days a week and still just cant lose one single freaking pound. i am sick of it. i want to punch someone in the face. probably the lady that teaches turbokick because she hurts my entire body for the next 4 days. seriously, like i woke up the next day and i couldnt get out of bed! my legs hurt, my back hurt, my abs hurt, my shoulders hurt, my arms hurt, my everything hurt. oh but wait, NOTHING has happened for like..seriously 3 months.

POOOOO! :(

anyways, i cleaned my room today. it was great. except i mostly just hung up my clothes, and stacked all the random things on a table and covered it with one of those things that you stick your face in and then take a picture with it. its a girl getting out a limo. dont ask me why i have it, but if you ever need it...i've got you covered.

its also really hard for me to force myself to post things! i dont know why even because i seriously go through the whole day thinking about all the funny and interesting things i can write about on my blog, but i get home and i cant even remember one thing that i thought of! maybe someone needs to buy me a little notebook called "things i thought of during the day that i really need to blog about" yeah, i think thats a really good idea. :)

so freaking. less that 26 days of school and it gets harder and harder for me to go by the day. i dont understand how people say they are going to miss high school, i honestly couldnt care less about those people. i have no sadness in my heart for leaving. no offense or anything to any of you out there, i just do not feel attached to you AT ALL.

its also hard for me to give a crap about anything. yeah, enough said.

but good news...I FINISHED SEMINARY MAKE UP FINALLY. oh hello. i am freaking graduating seminary with my 4 year freaking degree. surpriseeeee. i am impressed with myself because seriously, i had a lot to make up. but..GO ME!

anyways. i leave for thailand soon. one day we might be having a fundraiser so you better check this often so i can remind you, and you can come and give my team money so the cute kiddies in thailand will be so happy with all the wonderful stuff that we can do for them :)

woohoo.

anyways. my mother made dinner. at nine o'clock at night. sooo i suppose i will go eat with my family.

oh also, i love the tv show parenthood. please watch it. you'll die. unless you're my mom...then you'll cry.
pfff.

THAT was close.

woahhh now. i was sitting here (not being able to sleep) and realized that there are only three more days in March...THREE. yesterday i was celebrating my freakin birthday and then BAM all of a sudden it's practically april. when in the heck did any of this happen?!

that's mostly the question i've been asking all year. what.the.heck.

like hello. my life is about to change forever. i am moving out. going to college. growing up. i dont want to grow up, i dont even know how! and i have to probably start acting civilized, and get a job, and make friends or something.

oh for heck sakes. i might be married in like...the next five years.

but first i have to figure out how to get a date.

boo on growing up. it's freaking me out. also the fact that time flies, really is super crazy too. i want to build a time machine and go back to when i was a little baby and people would just feed me and carry me around and let me watch cartoons all day. That would probably be the best thing EVER.

or at least i need to get a job so i can stop stressing about money so much. it's really starting to get on my nerves. actually, everything is.
mostly all i do is eat, sleep, watch tv and go to the gym.everything else can just disappear.

but really, i love my life. i have the best family that anyone could ask for and i am so thankful that they always have my back and i dont need anyone else in the world as long as i have them.
and i am sooo thankful to have all the things that i have, and be so blessed to have grown up with the church, because heaven knows where i'd be at this point in my life without is. probably in a mangled mess on the side of the road or something.

what an awesome life i have! seriously! :)

let me make you a promise...

I have been thinking and thinking about how I can motivate myself to write more blog posts, because I really do enjoy it, I just never think I have anything worth while to say, but then again I never have anything worth while to say, but I say it anyways! so here is my promise...I will write at least two blog posts a month. I think that's a pretty rockin promise if you ask me, because really..nobody wants to hear more than that...then i'd just get boring and..annoying.

so everyone who constantly bothers me about writing more, be happy with this little promise i'm giving you.
hm..i dont know if i really want to call this a promise, it's kinda freaking me out a little. maybe a challenge. yeah! i like that more, because if i dont do it, people wont come after me and use it against me. so go back and read everything i just wrote, but instead of the word promise replace it with challenge :)

there. now you cant hold it against me when i fail. HA.

anyways, so mostly all i wanted to say was uh HELLO. i saw my heart on an ultrasound they did on it. you know when preggo ladies see their little baby and nobody can tell what it is and they're freaking out because "oh my gosh it's a sea monkey in your belly that is currently half tadpole" WELL i saw my heart, but guess what. it looked like the things in the pictures and movies and commercials, only A LOT COOLER BECAUSE IT WAS MY OWN HEART NOT SOME FAKE ONE THAT THEY MIGHT HAVE MADE UP. i was so excited. i am still exctited. i tell practically everyone about it, but nobody seems to be as excited as me!

probably because they are jealous. and they have a right to be, because it was SO COOL.

the poor lady doing it was probably so annoyed because i kept talkig and talking about how excited i was about it, but really, it was so cool.

and i saw it beating. and i had these flappy things moving around. and it was rushing blood in and out, and i was just so amazed! i wish i would have gotten a picture of it. i would frame it and put it on the shelf above my bed. you may thing i am weird, but seriously, if you ever got the chance to see that, you would be going on and on and on about this too. because really. ah.

i loved it so much. but anyways, moral of the story. i have a heart :)horray for me.

i also had to get my blood drawn (gosh you'd think i was near death with all the times that i go to the doctor!) but i was all by myself and it was my first time and i was so so nervous because i hate needles and doctors and mean things and mostly just the thought of it, but the lady was so nice! i asked her if there was anyone to hold my hand, and i think she thought i was kidding because she just laughed at me! but i wasnt kidding! i wanted someone to hold my hand!

anyways. she stuck that thing into me and i sang a song to her and then she was done and it didnt even hurt and i didnt even cry or scream!

yay for me! i think maybe i am one step closer to being able to survive in the world of college. yesssssss.

school is going good if you were wondering.
i dont go that much, so maybe it's worse off than i think..but hey. i can do that.

OH MY GOSH. i did get chased down by this lady though. i walk in at like...8:50..and my class started at 9. this lady came runnningggg up to me yelling "YOU CANT COME HERE! YOUR SHORTS ARE TOO SHORT!" and i was so confused because really she could have been having a heart attack about the issue of me coming to school in some shorts. so i was just giving her my puzzled look and i was like um okay. i'll just go home and blah blah blah. i love how they would rather have me go home then stay in some shorts that werent even bad.

i am baffled. but i laughed. except i had to go to math because i need to pass that class so i walked out to my car, moved it to the back parking lot, and walked back into school.

so in your face heart attack lady :)

anyways. wow. i think i could write a book about stuff that has been going on! oh. but i do need some help. i need to plan a fundraiser to earn money for the microenterprise program that i'm helping with in thailand, but i am a little unsure of what to do for this fundraiser. i kinda want it to be a big deal, just because we'll be having 40+ people available to work on it, and we want to earn $2000+ soooooo if you have an idea, you should help me out :)

how much longer..

how much longer..until winter is over...29 days

how much longer..until i graduate...WAY too long. like three months too long.

how much longer..do i have to endure this cold season and the death of school?

BOO. i am cold. and tired. and annoyed at all the things called school. and the tech center. and i guess since jordan school district got screwed over that the teachers are on strike or something stupid and they refuse to do any extracurricular activities. yes. this includes prom, spring sports, clubs. anything. LAME. but whatever. its not like i go anyways. i havent been to first period ALLLL quarter. and guess what..its midterms.BUT the upside of this? i havent been marked absent this whole time! HAHA! in your face attendance policy!

buttt guess what?! someone rubbed freakin poo. or chocolate. on my car! i'm freakin pissed off like no other! so if it was you, i will find you. and take you down.

i also found a new love. exercise! i thought i hated it..but guess what? i totally dont! mostly i love going to the classes, even though they're harder than heck...its so fun! so my lovely cousin melanie inspired me to do something great called one day i am going to be just like her and be an instructor! because..how fun would that be!?

OH. also...i really enjoy this one person called this kid that works there. :) only secretly so you cant tell anyone. i told my mom and then made her come and look a him..and she wasnt impressed with his looks. but i am!YEAH I AM.

but whatever. its not like i can get a normal date to save my life.
anyways, last weekend was my WONDERFUL grandma's 70th birthday. she is one of the greatest people in the entire world. and i'm not even kidding. so we had a huge celebration to...celebrate of course! we had a yum yum yummy dinner and then shared the things we loved about her..and then..DANCE PARTY BABY! :) it was probably the best thing ever..and i got to wear my audrey hepburn dress. LOVE IT. i guess i'll add some pictures or something..





WOAH. I JUST HAVE DEJAVU ABOUT WRITING THIS BLOG. weirdy. haha.

Valentines Day...

soooooo..as we all know i should be at the gym, but i could NOT keep this to myself. you guys have no idea what kind of treat you are in for today ;)

i have been thinking, thinking, thinking of what in the world should i get my valentines. (yes with an s. ;)) but anyways. of course i waiting until the LAST SECOND to do any of my shopping, and praise the lord i found the PERFECT gift of all time.

so everyone. here it is. i know you're searching too and you just cant find the right thing. well, folks. the heavens have answered our prayers. its the "warmest most personal gift you can share!" hazza!

this is why i'm weird.

i made a list of things that give me anxiety, as you know :) and its GREAT! actually i haven't read it in almost two months...weirdy weird weird how time flies! and i wasnt even having fun. but anyways. this list only contains a few things that give me extreme anxiety to the point of i might rip my hair out.

dont make fun of me. mmkay? actually..you can. because i make fun of myself. i love it.

okay!

ehm..
THINGS THAT GIVE ME ANXIETY: (by the way, its a long list.)

1. when people walk around the airplane when the seatbelt sign is on.
2. when i want to sing, but i dont know the words
3. proper people
4. college
5 everything except chocolate and harry potter
6. being fat
8. techno music
9. my mental issues
10. peeing on airplanes
11. ghostbuster airplane toilet movie
12. loud flushing toilets
13. having my brain stem ache and merrit not being there to massage it.
14. boys that wear basketball (or any sports clothes) 24/7
15. small areas
16. chipped fingernail polish
17. when people i dont know make me eat at their house
18. nylons
19. Mrs. Pay
20. sharing rooms with people
21. grimy things that i can escape.
22. people who are over the age of two and still dont brush their hair.
23. playing games with my mom
24. getting on/off trains
25. not knowing what time it is
26. mumblers
27. my room that becomes magically messy
28. MATH.
29. driving at night
30. driving in traffic
31. driving a mini van
32. being the only person in a store
33. intense face to face conversations
34. kash.
35. computers
36. people telling me important things because i always forget to listen
37. recipts that i dont know where to put but i know i'll maybe need them one day because maybe i want to take this item of clothing that i bought back.
38. too small of jeans
39. trying to fall asleep with glasses on my face and then it hurts but i dont know where to put them
40. having to use the bathroom but being at someones house were its really a lotta bit to awkward to do it.

:) okay i guess i'll stop there.

even while writing that i kinda get like the inside anxiety thing going on! what the heck!
anyways. what things give you anxiety?! i wanna know!

My Lists

So as we all know, i made a couple of lists while over the Christmas break. Believe it or not these lists practically define my life. So I thought it would be appropriate to share them with you...so here you go. I am going to type exatly what i wrote in black, and then add my own little commentary in red. just so you aren't totally confused with my strange thinking brain.

LIST #1

reasons why why I cant be granola

1. -----------^ (exactly that. i wrote two why's. i am not sure why. or what was going on with my brain at that moment...but...i did it nonethelesss.)
2. too fat (they gotta be a bean pole)
3. pure white baby skin (i am sensitive to the sun! :( and my body refuses to get tan.)
4. I cant breathe in the wilderness.
5. I hate hairy armpits (they hurt!)
6. greasy hair. (it seriously grosses me out. and i get it in like 45 minutes so not showering for 3 weeks is out of the question. plus if i dont shower every day i get hair hurt!)
7. I HATE ALL THE CHACOS IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD.
8. my back hurts
9. MOLE (its gross. you cant be granola and have a huge fat mole on your face)
10. too short of hair. (i feel like you need to have long hippy hair. i dont.)
11. too short (again with the bean pole thing.)
12. no red hair for me (unless its fake)
13. i have zits
14. my voice is too loud
15. i love tv. (so sue me! i find pleasure in mindlessly watching tv for an evening.)

wow! this is exciting. believe me....the next list is the best. but i am thinking i will save it for another post...just because people always tell me i dont post enought, but sometimes i just have nothing to say! so if i do this..i can have something to say and post more often! plus i have a lot of things i need to add to this next what.

PREVIEW: Things that give me ANXIETY.

believe me it is going to be good :) tune in soon.

who made up the thing called college?!

so hello. college is coming closer and closer and it gives me stress!
i am not exactly sure what i am supposed to do and i feel like the whole thing is a big huge mystery! also, there is so much to do it just is a lotta bit too stressful! like figuring out what classes to take, what i want to major in, where to live, who to live with, where to find money (#1 stress causer), ect.

I was like really wanting to major in baking and pastry arts, open my own little shop blah blah blah. but now i dont really feel like i want to do that! When we were in Mexico most of the spanish speakers got sick and couldnt go to the village, so i had to teach the students. and it just made me realize how much i loveee working with kids and teaching. But you see..there is a problem with that because i HATE the school system. I think it is such a terrible way to grade students and just..boo! the way the conduct everything drives me crazy.

I also dont want to be in the position of "the teacher" nor do i want to deal with being in the position of being constantly bothered by the people higher up in the system.

Thats hard for me though because i love teaching and the kids so much! arghhh.

Anyways so that is what is in my brain right now. interesting? NOT. it never is.

Today i learned a valuable lesson...dont try and text and play bejewled at the same time. it really is super hard! and people get mad at you because you dont text the words right. so just if the thought ever runs through your mind, DONT DO IT!

hmm. i got my new birthday laptop in the mail today :) it has been on since 2:30 and being used, of course! there is so much to do! and i figured...i might as well update my blog because i could either work out, go to bed, or do this. and i picked this.

but it is such a nice laptop! i am practically obsessed with it. i took like 800 pictures of myself with the camera webcam thingy. soo entertaininggggg!

also, i am watching high school musical 3. i know its like a super dorky movie and what not, but i am not going to lie i love it. i secretly wish that my life was that movie. or actually maybe i wish i looked like vanessa, and had a hottie like zac!

i could write a book about all the movies i wish my life were like. buttt instead i wont because that would probably be the worlds most boring book in the entire planet earth! but i did make a few lists of things while i was sitting on the plane to mexico! it was the best thing ever. i will give you a little preview.
1. reasons why i am not granola
2. things that give me anxiety
3. colors that make me want to puke.

:) you're going to enjoy them. but too bad for you because i am wayyy too lazy to walk down to my bedroom to get my notebook.