the big announcement

HELLO TO EVERYONE THAT IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD.

and since i am so popular and everyone reads my blog, i decided that i was going to exclaim my wonderful news to the world of my blog! :)

I, Mallory Denison, am moving the the Ukraine for 6 months to teach English to the cutest freaking children you will ever see.

yeah, i'm not kidding. i'm being totes serious. and i am leaving in ONE FREAKING MONTH! this is the most exciting thing that i have ever even said in my entire life. this has been my dream, and the opportunity has finally arose! i didnt sign up for school, i didnt want to be at my job any more. and i didnt know what i was going to do with myself. not even kidding i was having a panic attack.

so anyways. in one day my life plans for january decided to change all in one day. my mom found the program, i applied, had my interview, and got accepted all within one day.

so...this is my plea to you. visit this website:
 http://www.gofundme.com/az7wo 
and donate money to the children. literally, all i need is $600. and this will change not only my life, but it will give these kids something that they will benefit from for their entire life. so even $5 will help.

so i'm sure you wanna know the low down on this program, and what i'll be doing, and how long i'll be there and all that jazz. so let me answer all your questions.
i will be teaching English to elementary aged children. I will be in Kiev, Ukraine. living with a host family. i leave in january and come back in june. i will be teaching (...no i'm not getting paid for this) monday-friday and loving every second of it. i plan all my own lessons, and all the lessons are very interactive and fun for the kids (and mostly me because we know how much i love to play)

so anyways. if you want to know more about the program, visit http://www.ilp.org/ and you will learn all the things that will want you to help these adorable children.

now watch this awesome video and see the wonderful land of ukraine that i will be living in! :) I LOVE YOU AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR HELPING ME!

stopppp!

i think people are mean. and i think it needs to stop.

i dont know why it's bugging me so bad that people are ragging on the "occupy wall street protesters" but i would like to see it stop. like now.

guess what? they have opinions.
guess what? they want change.
at least they are doing something about it.

all the rest of you that see a problem and think there is nothing you can do about it, or you dont care enough to try to make changes are the worst of them all.
change is slow. and it's hard. and nothing will ever be perfect. but shouldnt we all be striving towards a better world? shouldnt we all want to make our mark on the world for the better, and say that we tried. who cares if protesting doesnt work. or if  they're being crazies. it's something they're passionate about. and they want change.

nobody thought women should have the right to vote. people threw rocks at them. had them put in prison. told them they were fighting for a pointless cause and they should accept the fact that life is the way that it is, and to just accept it.
but guess what? they didnt stop. they fought until the end..and made their voice heard. because it was something they were passionate about. and guess what's even cooler? IT WORKED.
it was a looonnngg time coming, but it did. and i wish that i show the same determination and passion about the current issues (which, coincidentally we still have womans equality issues..what the heck)
but anyways. i dont get peoples problems and why they have to be so mean.

if you dont agree...then do what you want to change it. but you dont have to be rude to people for what they care about. because i think this is exactly what this country needs.
since when did everyone stop caring, and think they dont have a say in anything that happens to them?
guess what. you can change it. just look at the threethousandmillion examples of it in freaking history. YEAH THAT'S RIGHT.


now stand up. and make your picket sign. and head to washington dc. becasue we gunna make a change.

and while we're at it. and we stop world hunger, poverty, and make peace with everyone?
mkay thanks.

oh, and also give me thirteen million dollars :)

i have a problem...

you guys. i dont mean to rain on everyones parade buuttt...

i.dont.get.it.

what is the deal with everyone's OBSESSION with mustaches?!

1. they're not cool. or funny. they never were. so stop trying to make them cool OR funny. IT'S NOT!
2. they are creepy. they creep me out. i think you're going to rape me if you have one. and i automatically dont feel like talking to you because you bug me.
3.STOP trying to be hipster. you're not.

but i'm not even going to lie. the thing that bugs me the most is EVERYTHING on pinterest that is a mustache thing. oh hi. let me paint mustaches on my fingernails.
oh, what? you need a bandaid? well i have a mustache one.
oh dont worry about it. my coffee mug has a mustache on it because i'm just that cool.

i see mustache combs, mustache pillows, mustache rings. literally. you name it, and there is probably a mustache thing of it.

so anyways. boo on them, they can just go be creepy and drive around in their creepy van and take candy to little kids. and be creepy. and annoy the living daylights out of me.

BUT. dont think i will be nice to anyone that tries to talk to me while having one of those things on their face. not.going.to.happen.

in other news.

a woman found jesus on a cliff in ireland. silly goose. what was he doing all the way over there!?

that's the picture. i feel like i'm playing a weird game of eye spy or connect the dots when i try and see it.

i wish i could find jesus in something.
oh my gosh. i just had the greatest idea ever made by my brain. i'm going to make a huge pile of clothes in my room and make it look like a manger and then like sculpt the inside to make it look like baby jesus.
then i'm going to sell it for twelve million dollars and be super rich and famous.

yesssssss.

anyways. wanna read the article of this gem of a lady? GO HERE NOW! you'll be sure to not regret the time wasted while reading that.

confusion

okay. i guess i'm going to get a little serious here, because i feel like it.

but let  me say somethings before i do that:

today i am getting my hair cut. it's about time. i'm not going to lie, i have a full on mullet. on purpose, of course, but it's getting gross. mostly disgusting. but anyways, that's besides the point. today i was depressed because i wanted a pony tail for once. it's been 14 months since i've had one! or even since i've had a part in my hair. weird weird weird. so anyways, i got excited because today was the last day in a long time i could even attempt that.

so guess what!? I DID IT. I GOT MY HAIR INTO A PONY TAIL! :)

it's quite a sad attempt at a pony tail, but i got it done nonetheless.

okay. i think that's all the important things i have to say. now onto my regular topic.

LIFE IS STUPID AND CONFUSING.

i dont know who made this rule, but college is the time you have to make every single life decision you'll ever make and it's really stupid i think. and i just kinda wish someone will tell me what to do. i'm stressing hard. about everything. school. work. life in general. its weird how fast things change i decided. i thought i had everything mapped out. i would go to school. be there for 3 years. be a teacher. have a direct career path. blah blah blah. but then that changed into me doing business. and becoming an event planner and being really awesome. but then that changed into I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I WANT TO DO AND I WANNA HIDE IN THE CLOSET AND CRY.

but anyways. i'm over it. mostly what's going on now is..i applied to the U.
i'm looking for a new job up in the slc. (if you know of anyone hiring...let me know!?)
i...think that's all. i'm going to LAS VEGAS this weekend with some wonderful friends i work with. and the boyf :) and i'm exciteeeddd. it will be w.o.n.d.e.r.f.u.l. and warm..hopefully. i'm already sick and tired of the cold. and having frost on my car errymorning. BOO ON SNOW.

anyways. i hope everyone is happy and bright :) anndd full of good advice for me.

things that i like.

i like a lot of things. i like being happy. soooo...i have compiled a list of things that make me really really happy. :)

1. chocolate chip pancakes.
2. having a clean bedroom. which doesnt happen often enough :/
3. cloud watching.
4. this guy. :)

5. also, probably these people:

6. heads up 7 up. 

7. really awesome songs that make you all nostalgic. 

8. doing funny crafts

9. pinterest 

10. puppies.

11. colorful rainbow-y things 

12. chocolate ice cream. okay, actually chocolate everything. 

13. glittery things

14. shopping. shopping. shopping. shopping. 

15. tina fey. 

16. zumba :) 

17. no.more.school. 

18. wearing dresses.

19. smelly good boys.

20. buying stuff. 

21. panda bears

22. babies

23. hahahahahahahahahahahaha. this kid. 

anyways. those things are great. and so am i.

okay well i suppose i'll give you a little life update (like there is anything to update on)

school sucks and is stupid. but i'm just ya know...getting through. i think i need to take a little break. i cant handle it right now. i get really bugged by everyone there. i feel like i am surrounded by 4 year olds all the time and they have no common sense.

good thing i'm the smartest person in the entire world and i know everything and am superior to everyone.

:) hahaaa.

okay. work...i dont wanna talk about it. if you catch my drift.

anyways. i'm tired and have a millions of homeworks and laundry to do. UGH.

finalllyyy.

what? i do things like write blogs still?

yes. sometimes. so here's a little treat for ya'll...my life update! :) also, some other thoughts about things that annoy me.

okay..where to start? school? mkay. so school started. i'm almost 2 weeks in and already i can tell i'm in over my head. but it's a good thing. i am taking 5 classes (two online) and the other three are CLASSES FROM HELL.
okay, truth is they are all from hell. nobody told me business was really really hard! but i love it :) i feel like i'm actually learning something, instead of playing games and taking the easy way out with elementary ed.

besides the whole buying books and paying tuition thing, i am happy with school! oh, and the weird creepy boys that try talking to me. i've become overly antisocial.
ONE of my 5 books costs $200. ONE BOOK. the other ones are almost as bad. booo. anyone wanna contribute to the "mallory works her butt off and doesnt wanna spend twelve million dollars on books" fun..that's totally fine with me.

work.

welllll i dunno who knows this and who doesnt (if you dont, you're obviously a really bad friend...) anyways..i got a new position at work! i am now the very prestigious financial assistant. GO ME!
what does that mean? it means i sit at a VERY awkward desk and talk on the phone all day and be nice to people and harass the bank until they fund all the deals we send them. it's a pretty intense job, but i love it!

the guy i work for is awesome, and i get paid more...so those are all good things! i work wayyy too much though, so trying to balance school and work is going to be tough but i can do it! because guess what our new family motto is?

"DENISONS CAN DO HARD THINGS! " all the hard things.

that's courtesy of my mother. if you ask me it's a little provocative. but whatever.. i just do what my mother says.

okay what else? oh i moved into a house in orem. it's a giant really super nice house and i love it. i have my own room. and a tv in my room. what does this mean? i lay in my bed alll the time and watch tv. that's another thing i have to be careful about. if i dont watch myself i'll be one of those people that wakes up one morning weighing 700 pounds and all i can do is eat and watch tv.

i dunno though..sometimes that kinda sounds like fun.

okay, too much happiness. it's time to complain.

am i the only one in the entire world that doesnt understand the english language?! seriously, i had an angry panic attack today during work because i think i missed like 12 years of grammar lessons.
i understand the basics..you know, verb, noun, pronoun, adjective, conjunction, interjection, how to write a sentence that makes sense. whatever. but then you get into these difficult, wordy things that i have NO IDEA what you're talking about.
past participle
conditionals
predicate
preposition
infinitive
past perfect continuous
reduced relative clause
etc. etc. etc.
WHAT THE HECK ARE ALL THOSE THINGS.

i really feel stupid sometimes because people will go on and on and on and onnnnn about all the things, and my brain just turns off when i hear any words that have to do with grammar. i cant handle it.

which is weird, because i'm kinda obsessed with writing and editing and such but grammar is just WAY tooo much for me.

and not to be rude or anything, but the last thing i want from this post is for some smartypants (aka you dad)  to comment with the definitions of all those things. i'll probably get really angry and write some sort of hate mail to you.

i have more things to complain about...but i should probably get back to work. so expect an angry post about ring back tones and hold music some day :)

Fish and fiber one

To everyone in the world that thinks I am a big fat loser that sits around and paints my nails and goes shopping, and never does anything adventurous. I have proof that I am. PROOF!

Granted, I love going shopping. In fact, I am more addicted to shopping then you would even believe. Just look at my bank account and you’ll see. But we’ll save that story for later, when I’ve gotten a hold of this problem. I HAVE A PLAN. It’s called a budget. I just wanna cry that I am off shopping for a while. But this is beside the point of my adventurous story of me!

1.      The past TWO weekends, I have spent in the mountains. With the wilderness. And I actually really liked it!

2.      i.went.fishing. don’t believe me? Well it’s true. And it was exciting. And I really liked it a lot. And guess what? I CAUGHT A FISH. Yes I did. And it was a beauty. Okay, I don’t really now, but it was a fish! And it was bigger than my foot!..Or probably it was the same size as my foot. But anyways, it doesn’t matter because it was a fish!

So, wanna know the story? ;) okay, I’ll tell you.

So it’s my first time fishing ever. I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m just throwing that pole around like it’s nobody’s bidness, and having the time of my life. I refused to put sunscreen on, because it was the first time all summer that my legs had seen the sun (this was a mistake. BIG BIG MISTAKE)  so. Fishing. We’re having a grand ol’ time, even though nobody is catching anything. Then everyone leaves, so it’s me and breck standing there holding our fishing poles. Then I SWEAR I felt a fish bite my little hook, so I start screaming and jumping around and reeling it in, and me and breck have NO idea what we’re doing, and we’re freaking out because I know I’ll have to touch it if I end up really having a fish, and I just don’t have enough adventure in my heart to go THAT far.

Anyways, there were these two boys just down the lake from us, and they were so cute! So they come running towards me trying to see what I had caught, but low and behold it was a STICK. So I was all disappointed, but kinda relieved. And the two boys were so concerned about me. It was sweet. But anyways, we all went back to fishing, and continued to catch NOTHING. So as we’re all standing there just a fishin’ one of the boys just down from us starts FREAKING out. Like big time freak out. Like bigger then you would believe. And he’s taking off his socks and shoes, and screaming and crying and rolling up his pants, and we’re all concerned about him that he’s going to jump into the freezing cold lake and we’d have to go save him. So my mom was like mallory, go see what’s wrong. And I was like “NO! I DON’T KNOW HOW TO HELP PEOPLE!” and so finally I walk over there all apprehensively and ask them what’s wrong. By this time the kid is in the water getting soaking wet, and trying to move all these heavy rocks. Then I figure out that the thing that holds the fish after you catch them (a..stringer? I don’t know fishing lingo) anyways. He had a fish on it, and it slipped into the water and got stuck under a rock and he couldn’t get it out. So I’m standing there all awkwardly trying to figure out how in the world I could help. And holding a big stick. Because he said he wanted a big stick, but wouldn’t take it from me. Then all of a sudden, magic happened.

HIS POLE STARTED TO RUN AWAY (because it was set on the ground) and I thought it was just the wind so I was like oh no! and picked it up, and then I was like…oh shut up. Oh my gosh. There is a fish on this thing! So they kid is like cheering for me. I’m screaming my lungs out, doing the scared-y cat dance. And the other little kid is standing next to me telling me to reel faster and faster. So I do. and I was a fishing CHAMPION. And I reeled that fish in like nobody’s business! And then I saw it. the fish. Freaked me out. So I start screaming more, and they try to convince me to touch it, but I made the little kid do it because it was big and floppy and scary.

So then my mom runs over, takes a picture and I walk away feeling like a million bucks.

And that is my story of how I caught my first fish. Like a champion.

Have any of you guys made this mistake; I call it the fiber one bar mistake.

Some people may call it the fart bar.

Death bars.

Satan’s magic potion.

Whatever you may call it, it’s the mistake where you think you need to be healthy and consume some more fiber, so you head over to your local grocery store and you buy all the boxes of fiber one bars in the world, because they’re tasty and full of fiber!

So after you make this purchase of chocolatey brownie bars that are only 90 calories, and full of promises to make you feel better because you’re eating so much fiber, you go home and have a strange craving for something chocolate, but you don’t want to feel fat so you head straight over to your fiber one bars! And you’re so excited! Because as you start eating it, you feel so cool. It’s a healthy(ish) chocolatey thing, that tastes actually really REALLY good! And life is wonderful, and you want to hug all the babies in the world and plant a million flowers to make the world a beautifuler place.

Then you continue your day as normal.

Three hours pass. And you’re with your friends now. And POW POW POW. You have been hit by Satan and his magic fiber one potion.

Your stomach is cramping. You can’t breathe. You have more air in your insides then you ever thought was possible. And somehow, your stomach is making awful jolting feelings, and you’re not exactly sure how to respond. You can’t rip a big one, because you’re with your friends! And that’s just not accepted in all cultures, but you know you cannot take one more step with this condition. So you lie on the ground and seize up and writhe there in pain for a while, and you finally decide farting will make you feel twelve million times better, so you’d rather lose your dignity then your life.

You fart. And you’re so happy. For about 6 seconds, until it happens again!

Oh and wait, this doesn’t just last for 10 minutes. It lasts ALL FREAKING DAY. And there is no escaping it. No covering it up. Tears wanna stream out of your eyes and you don’t want to talk to anyone. Unless they have a cure for your major intestinal issues. But nobody does. And trust me, I tried googling it. their best advice? Lock yourself in your bedroom and don’t let ANYONE near you. :/ kinda hard when you’re at work…isn’t it?

I know you have all made this mistake, my problem is..I NEVER LEARN.

:(  

finding your hiding place.

aight my friends.  with the craziness of life, and all the things that make you want to crawl in a hole and DIE about. i have advice. well maybe not advice, but i have my story. and it's pretty lame. but i just feel like i wanna talk about it. and since i have lost all my verbal communication skills in life, this is the only way i convey my important thoughts.

anyways. my hiding place. i like to pretend like getting there is the hardest thing in the world. and i like to pretend i hate every second of being there, but in reality..i wish i was there all the time. ALL the time. anyways. this place is called the gym. golds gym. i like that the moment i walk in those doors i know NOBODY and i can put my headphones in and listen to my music as loud as i want and sing along and run until my legs turn to jello and i fall off the back of the treadmill.

forever and everrr it was the biggest chore to get me there. the only reason i went was because i spent so gosh darn much money on it that by golly i was not about to let it go to waste! but the more i go, the more i LOVE running. and lifting weights. and zumba-ing until my butt falls off.

so then i was thinking. if everyone had their hiding place that they could spend 2 hours a day just doing there thing..everyone would be a LOT happier. so that's my goal. well besides stop being fat. is to allow myself ME time. especially when school starts. i'm so terrified that i am going to lose it and go on some crazy outrage of fire breathing anger and stress. so hopefully i wont die. and my eyes wont fall out of my head. but hey, one can only hope.

anyways. find your happy (or hiding) place. and i hope hope hope it's the gym because i promise you endorphins are gods gift of magic happy juice. and you'll love it. 

i want everyone to know this

i am going to be a big deal. dont believe me? just wait and see :)

i changed my major. and no, not to peace and justice studies. i've been struggling a lot with the whole elementary education stuff. i was embarrassed about what i was doing. i wasnt comfortable when student teaching, and i was petrified of my future. i didnt want that lifestyle. i didnt want to be a teacher for the rest of my life. i knew i'd be happy, and good at it, but it just wasnt exactly what i wanted. so what did i do? i changed it! because guess what? I DO WHAT I WANT! :)

and i couldnt be more excited about this new path. trust me. it's going to be twelve gazillion times harder. and i'm pretty positive i might be in way over my head. but also, guess what? i'm going to do it! and i'm going to freaking dominate.

okay okay. i know you guys are all dying to know what exactly i changed it to. and so here's the big surprise.

business management. WITH an emphasis in hospitality management.

 :D
that's me. smiling. because i am so THRILLED.

these are the things i am most excited about it:
i feel like i'll meet a LOT of really cool people.
i get to work with people.
i am going to have so many possibilities! i have the freaking world at my fingertips! and it's going to be so wonderful. because i'm going to dominate.
i feel like i'm going to be really good at it. (not to be cocky or anything, but i am pretty much good at everything in the whole wide world. and i know you all would agree with me)
i am going to show up every single boy in that entire program with my awesomeness and smartness.
i can finally fulfill my lifelong dream of being an event planner! (and no. i didnt say wedding planning. never will i ever say wedding planning.)
umm. i am excited about a lot of other things, but mostly that's all i can think of.

but you guys should be excited for me too. because when you all decide to throw a huge party and dont feel like planning it, you're going to call me and then i'll turn it in to a kick-butt event of the century. and you'll pay me twelve million thousand dollars because you'll be so happy.

also, wanna know what else has been going on?

i got a spray tan. and it was beautiful. i was a beach goddess for a good week! but now i look like a diseased fool. :) my favorite thing in the world

i am still obsessed with chocolate. i think it's a weird disease i have. it's like the hip hop fever...only worse.

remember how excited i was that they changed the radio station at work? well i spoke too soon. first, they changed it back to 70's folk. then 80's rock. and now it's elevator music from HELL. seven out of the seven hours i'm here during the day i want to die. and take a gun and shoot the speakers. that's how much i hate it. so i decided something. they should let me be the boss of this place..and the DJ.

umm. there's a boyfriend in the picture. and no, he's not imaginary.

i need a vacation. i wish i could go outside of the america, but unfortunately i dont think i could afford it, and i dont have a lot of days off of work to do it. but anyways. does anyone have hookups for me to stay on someones couch while i get out of utah, i would be eternally excited.

what elseeee...i dont think there are any more updates on my life. pretty sure it's completely mundane and consists of a lot of looking out the window...sitting in a chair..and sometimes answering phones...
this is the life!

the fish fiasco

Hello. Everyone in the world and their dog should know that I not only hate fish, I DESPISE them. I am so scared of them. My hands start to sweat when I see an aquarium. I get a lump in my throat just thinking about having to be in the same water as them. Swimming in a lake? No thanks. Snorkeling in exotic waters? NEVER.

I think it's a disease I have.

Anyways, back to the fish fiasco.

One of my very prestigious jobs at work is to feed the fish. No, they're not cute little gold fish or baby beta fish. They're SATAN fish. Literally. One of them eats all the other fish. And the other ones are just scary and mean and try to kill me every time I stick my hand in the tank to feed them. It's a disaster. And I have to endure this alone! Every morning I stand in front of the tank for about 5 minutes thinking about how awful the event of feeding the fish is. Then I pour the food into the little measuring cup, and take a step towards that awful tank. I hurry and stick my hand in the little opening and dump all the food in that I can before having a severe anxiety attack and fainting in front of all the customers. It's awful, let me tell ya.
Anyways, today was no different. I get ready to feed the fish, and all of a sudden realize that ONE OF THEM IS HALF EATEN. Yes. The evil oscar fish ate this poor guys fins! So he cant swim at all, and he's just left there. To die. Or to get eaten. Whichever one happens first. I screamed and ran away and told everyone, but dont worry. This isn't the only awful catastrophe that happened today with these fish. I'm feeding them, and realize there is a plastic thing on the top for the..high water or something. I have no idea. Anyways, I pushed the top of the aquarium off so I could find a hole to pour the food into, but I was nervous so I got one of the girls in the back to help me..and then there was a customer standing there kinda helping us/mostly just watching me scream my guts out about these nasty nast fish.
so. I feed the fish. All is dandy and well, but i'm resting my hand on the top of the thing while it's still open. (is this making sense or am I just talking nonsense?) anyways, this guy that was watching us decides he wants to tell me that the oscar fish will jump out of the tank if he gets the chance and I should be careful, so I ran away..and I was already spooked because the thought of a fish jumping out of the tank and slapping me in the face kept running through my head, and I hated it. So he laughs and someone made a really loud noise, and so I freaked out because I thought it was the fish jumping or something (because apparently in my head jumping fish sounds somewhat like a cow giving birth? Who knows what goes on in my brain. But I was scared, okay!?) so I run across the room screaming my bloody guts out because I thought it was trying to attack me.
And then I got embarrassed because everyone in the whole entire freaking dealership was there and saw my panic attack about the fish. But I swear, you'd scream too.

Anyways, now that everyone knows about my fish fear people make fun of me all the freaking time! It's not my fault, okay?! I cant help that fish are the second scariest things on the planet earth!
So. there you go. The story of how I almost died by a fish attack. I have more of them, actually. Like this one time..me and my mom and abigail (the lil sis) were in florida just swimming along in the ocean having a grand ol' time, when BAM. My mother starts screaming her guts out, declaring that her toe had been eaten off by a gigantic fish with saber tooth tiger teeth. Yeah, freaked the CRAP out of me, so I start running towards the shore because the last thing i'm going to do is get eaten alive by a flesh eating fish. Abigail grabs me because she knows how scared I am, and it took me like 45 minutes to get waist deep in the ocean, so there was no way she was going to start over again trying to get me in the water. My mom is screaming in pain, abigail is screaming at her to stop so I wont be so scared, and i'm on top of the boogie board crying out of terrifiedness. It was all together a bad situation, and people probably thought we all had severe handicaps...but truth be told, we do. :)
anyways, point of these stories? Fish suck. And they're scary. And mean. And flesh eating. So dont trust them. EVER.

riuahfndalk

i cant think of what to say 99% of my life. i have about 170000 hours of free time at work, so if i wanted to, i could write my opinions on every topic on the world, but guess what? I CANT THINK OF ANYTHING TO SAY. everr. i think my brain stopped working, and now the only thing that it can think of is food and the weird dreams i have. and trust me, they're super weird. i wish i could remember them more than just weird bits and pieces about midgets attacking me, or the clouds spelling weird things to me, but you know...my brain wont ever do what i want it to. 

so i'm not sure if i told anyone this, and quite frankly i am way too lazy to look at my future posts and read what i've said and what i havent, so you might get to relive the amazing stories of my wonderful life! you lucky duck, you. 

mmkay. so i work at larry miller in provo. i answer phones, make spread sheets, run errands, order supplies, you know..all the important things in a company. i actually really enjoy it...as much as one can enjoy a full time job. (oh, my memory is reminding me that i've already shared this news with you. oopsies.) 

anyways, it's a good times. of course, i have my good and bad days. i have the people i get along with, and the people that i wish would disappear off the planet earth..but i've made really good friends there! and i have a lot of fun, sometimes, so i guess that's all you can ask for, right? (okay, confession. i feel like i can only write nice things about it on my blog because i get scared that someone there might read it and i'll get fired for writing the wrong thing..so if you want stories and all the exciting life happenings of a receptionist..you're going to have to ask me in person! :) but honestly, i dont have bad things to say about it. also, i'll let you buy me dinner if you want. because that's always a nice gesture.) 

i want to throw myself another birthday. i know, it'd be the third one this year...but i get to do whatever i want, right? i'm an adult! i can make decisions! i decide i want another birthday! this time i'm going to actually throw a party and do fun things, so expect greatness. 

ehm. i'm going to grow a mullet. and nobody can stop me.

wanna know my biggest accomplishment of this week? :) it's a good one! 

i, mallory kay denison, got the radio station changed at work. 

what are you saying? that's not impressive? that's not a big deal? well i'm here to tell you that if only you knew the painful music i had to endure every day of my life. it was stuck on 70's folk music of death, where all they'd do is play songs like this  or this.

yes, i admit. they really arent THAT bad of songs. but when you listen to them 15 times a day, monday through friday, it gets bad...really REALLY bad. 

anyways, my laptop is getting really hot on my lap so i'm guessing it's time for bed. :) remember to send me a huge bouquet of bright flowers this week! 

alive?

okay, so i've started this post probably about 6 times..and i just havent gotten around to actually posting anything. everything i was saying was completely worthless and i was embarrassed to share any of the things that had happened to me. 

BUT. due to the fact that i am the most popular person on the planet earth, i promised many-a-folk that i would update on my life happenings. so...here it is. 

1. year 1 of college is complete. 2.5 more years to go...and then i can be a real adult with a real job and real responsibilities and real things. 

2. i moved :) my bed is taller than i am, AND to make it super classy...it's placed on top of cinder blocks and my dresser. i am convinced that one day i am going to die while trying to climb to the top of mt. everest of a bed. or the cinder blocks are going to decide they dont feel like holding the bed up any more..and i'll be the one to pay for it. but then i was thinking..if i were to set my bed on the ground like a normal human being that knows the danger in an elevated bed..my room wouldn't be able to fit everything! because we have two bed..two desks..two dressers..where do they expect it all to go?!...up in the air i guess. 

3. finally got a gym pass again! i decided after thinking about it 24/7 and finally having dreams about it, i might as well spend the $25 a month to make myself happy :) so far i've been going every day! (okay, confession. it's only been 3 days. BUT STILL!)

4. seeing as i decided to work out again, i remembered how painful it is. since day 1 i havent been able to walk normal. i want to cry every time someone asks me to bend over. or get out of a car. or climb onto my bed. or climb out of it. or do anything that involves moving. and then i keep thinking "well if i drink more water and keep working out, it'll go away faster!" NO. it gets worse! and then all i have to do is pee a lot..and getting on and off the toilet is hard with my sore legs! 

5. i got a job! i real job! a FULL TIME real job! impressed? i would be too. because guess what? i am an adult! a real one! with a full time job! i wear skirts and use clip boards and answer phone calls! but i dont wear high heels. because..the floor is slippery! and you have to walk a lot! and i KNOW i'll be the one that dies from a freak accident involving me wearing heels and falling over. probably the clip board would stab me in the stomach. and then it would be disgusting. so no, i dont wear those evil things. 

6. i joined a soccer team :) our first game is tonight, and yes. i will probably die seeing as i can hardly walk without wanting to stab someone in the heart. but we'll see how it goes. maybe i'll fake an injury. :)...my stomach has been hurting pretty bad today. probably my stomach cancer is coming back. 

7. i went to portland. it was fun. be jealous because it's the worlds greatest place. but too many fun things happened i dont feel like telling you everything right now. just know that it was fun and you should be jealous. 

8. this  is probably still the funniest thing. OF MY LIFE. 

also, so is this http://whenparentstext.com/ 

:) 

remember to smile. because it makes you look prettier. 

an ode to google.

here's an awesome question.

HOW IN THE WORLD DID ANYONE SURVIVE LIFE WITHOUT GOOGLE!?

seriously though, my life revolves around it. and i'm going to go ahead and make the bold statement that just about EVERYONE is a googleaholic. you either just dont see it, or you dont want to admit it.

think about it. (especially if you're in college.)
what do you do when you dont want to look something up in a book? you google it.
what do you do when someone uses a big word that you dont know what it means? you google it.
dont know the name of the song that is stuck in your head? google those lyrics, baby!
dont know the phone number to somewhere? google.
address? google.
spelling of a word? google.

for heck sakes, google even has its own verb now!

oh, and wait. there's more. they have google maps. google earth. google translation. google email. google videos. google chrome. google books. google financing. google shopping. google news. google EVERYTHING.

how can you not be a googleaholic with all of those wonderful things?! i love it. it's the ONLY reason i am able to pass any of my classes. because, oh wait. it makes research papers easier than anything in the world!

so yes. i am very passionate about google. you go ahead and try and imagine your life without this wonderfully  amazing search engine, and you'll discover your love for it.

:) GO GOOGLE!

mallory cake?

okay, friends. i realized something. and that thing is called..the name of my blog is called mallory cake, but about 1% of the people that read my blog have any idea why i called it this.

1. i am so uncreative, i cant think of anything all cutesy and funny.

2. i love eating. especially treats. like cake. but mostly brownies and cookies. chocolate chip cookies :) with ice cream on top. and chocolate sauce. and happiness and joy.

3. my middle name is kay. now, i know many of you are thinking "mallory you fool. kay is not anywhere near cake." but trust me, i know. but when i was a wee little lad, but cute grandpa whitey would always call me mallory cake. now, since i have an awful memory, and sometimes my mind plays games with me and gives me dreams that i think are real but they're actually fake. so anyways, my pretend memory remembers how cute my grandpa was.

anyways, my grandpa would always tease me and call me mallory cake. i think it had something to do with my chocoholic addiction of chocolate. but anyways, i loved it.

but now that i think of it, i had some pretty awful memories. my least favorite would HAVE to be people making fun of my name. my uncles would always harass me. like once when they buried me in the sand on the beach and LEFT ME THERE. i was traumatized. i cried and cried and screamed. i'm suprised child protective services werent called. i was upset. and they would sing this awful song. oh the horror.

"mallory bo ballory banana fana of fallory me my mo vallory. MALLLLLOOOORRRY"

yeah, not cool. i attribute my anger in life to that song. i had no power against them! they just kept singing and singing.

oh i cant think about this any more. it's horrific.

conflict within myself

okay folks. i need help..a lot of help. mostly your opinions, but those help me! i am having SERIOUS conflicts within myself about my major.

p.s. this is mostly me talking to myself and trying to figure out the rest of my life.

(for those of you that dont know, i am going into elementary education, and dont get me wrong, i really REALLY love it. i love the thought of working with kids, i love the thought of having a career to go into right after college, i love the thought of doing what makes me happy for the rest of my life. BUT. i am having problems with this.. so here i go.)

1. i am scared of the parents. i have heard so many horror stories of satan parents that i dont even know if i can handle the thought of even looking at them.

2. i hear it takes over your life. lesson plans everywhere. always trying to plan fun activities. grading papers. decorating. buying supplies. worrying about children. going early, staying late. and getting paid JACK SQUAT for it. always treating everyone like little kids. not being around adults i can relate to.

3. i feel like i wont be challenged intellectually. call me a nerd, but i have this weird obsessing about learning about new things. i sit here and put off my homework to read about weird things, and i collect all my random research. i love learning about religions, (sometimes) philosophy, and other random things that we dont need to talk about. i feel like if i was a teacher i would just be stuck in the same routine of coloring, cut and paste, and paper mache. and while that is WONDERFULLY FUN. i dont know if that's what i want!

4. opportunities. i want to be able to have a lot of them! i want to have options, and exciting things happen to me! i dont wanna be stuck in a classroom, because i feel like if i get my teaching degree that's all i'll be able to do. is teach. i mean, i love it. its fun and such, but i feel like i am getting married to it forever and i wont even be able to like.. i dont know. do normal things.

5. i get nervous thinking about teaching a whole entire class and being responsible for them! there are like seven thousand zillion things that could go wrong, and i'd be the one to blame. and that's not what i like. i like when everyone is happy and nobody says mean things or yells at me.

6. i also read about all these horror stories of the first aid care you'll have to give while being a teacher. (example: a boy had a PENCIL sticking through his leg. all the way. eraser side coming out of his shin. sharpened side coming out his calf. i threw up just thinking about it.)

7. school lunch. even the smell of it makes me heave.



i like the thought of being a teacher because:
1. summers and lots of holidays are off.
2. it makes me happy.
3. it's rewarding. probably one of the most rewarding things ever.
4. (usually) the kids adore you. no matter who you are, or what you do. they love your guts and they want to do everything they can to make you happy.
5. the kids are just adorable.
6. i get the biggest love in my heart when i see a kid. especially when i see them laughing, or playing on a play ground. or just being silly. (i dont mean to sound like a creeper. but they make me so happy!)
7. i know i'll be good at it once i try.

what should i dooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo?! i'm scared of real life. can i major in every single thing in the world? because i also wanna go to culinary school. and make up school. and being cool school. and everything school.

humm. i need to stop sitting in the library. it makes me think too much.

today is my birthday.

so. yesterday i decided it was my birthday today.  so i got right to it, and changed my birthday status on facebook.

this is why:
1. i love cake, and i wanted a reason to eat it without thinking of the 14986 pounds i would gain.
2. i wanted an excuse to miss the gym today.
3. i wanted everyone to remember how cool and awesome i am. (remember guys, remember?!)
4. i like tricking everyone.
5. i wanted to see who really remembered my birthday, and who's a facebook PHONY.
6. this weekend seemed like a good weekend to celebrate my awesomeness.

reasons why i'm awesome:
1. i laugh at almost everything
2. i am a good cleaner
3. i am funny.
4. i am nice to almost everyone...usually.
5. i like really great stuff. like cheese. and good music. and boys.
6. i have really awesome dance moves.
7. i dont like stupid things. like baseball and high gas prices.
8. i qualify for food stamps.
9. i am so smart. about everything. i know all the everythings in the world.
10. i am a kick butt at being ungraceful.
11. i am really good at being bossy.
12. i dont eat animals. and thats awesome because they're gross. and it's sad that they die.
13. i have an awesome family.
14. there's a lot more but i dont want you do feel bad about yourself because i'm so awesome.

:)

happy birthday to me. i'mma go buy me some balloons!

sizzle.

if you read this, you HAVE to know. i am not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed. but sometimes i even amaze myself with my stupidity.


once upon a time i was really happy because it was FINALLY warm enough to wear shorts outside. so i did just that. i got my hot pants on and was strutting my stuff all over the place. and then it was friday and i was bored in orem so i decided to go play with my sister and her friend for a while. we ate ice cream and did girl things. it was a jolly good time. THEN my little sisters friend was like "oh hey i think it's a really good idea to curl my hair" and i was all "oh my gosh! i miss doing that! let me do it! please please pleaseeeeee!"

so she did.

except i had to hurry because i had to go and meet some friends at nicklecade. so i hurried and got all done and then stood up from the chair and my stupid shorts got soo wrinkly. and then i was like "whatever i don't have time to iron them! it's fine!" but no. i looked in the mirror and almost ran away from embarrassment of wrinkly shorts syndrome.

So in the event of me having wrinkly shorts AND having a curling iron in my hand i thought "oh hey guess what's a really great idea? i am going to just hurry and iron my shorts while they're still on me with this circular pole of fiery death."

okay, those really weren't the real words in my head, because we all know i don't think with that many words. it was more like "wrinkle + hot thing = no wrinkle"

and then it happened. i was a careless fool who didn't think about the fact that in a split second this pole of fiery death could (and would) burn my very flesh. and that's exactly what it did. i am pretty positive it burned a hole all the way to my very core. (aka my bones) and so i developed this awful hole in my leg that still, a week later, refuses to heal. and it hurts. so i am in desperate need of a wheelchair. and probably all things chocolate :) yaayyy chocolate!


also, i would show you a picture but i know you ALL would barf on yourselves seventeen times because it is that disgusting. so just know that i am saving your life. 

secrets

i have a secret that i feel like i want to tell someone. but i feel kinda silly saying it with words, so i will type it into cyberspace and nobody will remember.

i have such a fond love for string cheese. i literally crave it every second of every day. sometimes i day dream about it.

i am being serious you guys. i walk around school thinking about it. i sit in bed and think about it. always. i love it. and dont you dare ask me why i love it so much, because really i dont have an answer. i just want to eat it 24/7.

  

the weirdest thing...

i'll be the first to say that my life is full of probably the weirdest most awkward things EVER. and i feel like i've done and adequate job of sharing these experiences with you, so i would only be doing you a favor by telling you what just happened to me...

about 1 am i am driving from salt lake to orem, and i was in the home stretch of getting to my home when in the distance i saw a ZILLION police cars/ambulances/ traffic jam. so many thoughts ran through my head, and i was sure i was going to look out my window and see a dead body on the road and some terrifying car crash. but the closer i got to the scene, the weirder things got.

i saw giant creatures in the middle of the road. first i thought it was a pile of dead bodies covered in a blanket. but that was kinda a silly thought. then i thought it was deer because, we all know that dear love running around on the freeway in the middle of the night. but no. the truthful thing that it was is 10 times weirder then you could ever imagine. they were HORSES. not just like one random horse that got away while delivering mail for the pony express. oh no. it was a group of like 6 horses all in one area. those poor lil guys. their hoofs were in the air. and their blood and guts were all over the freeway. i guess the accident had just barely happened because it was one heck of a time trying to maneuver my car around these bloody dead horses.

this was traumatic. i thought i was going to puke or something..and then i thought about all the guts that got stuck in the cracks of my tires and i got even more upset. HOW IN THE WORLD DID THESE HORSES GET THERE!? and then i drove a little further forward for like 3 minutes, and there was another random dead horse! this one was the worst because i saw its poor little face! i mean, as much as i hate horses with all the fibers of my soul, i hate the fact that i saw them dead. and bloody. and gutty. and disgusting. i am truly scarred for life. i cant stop thinking about it.

so i was all stressed out about the horses when out of nowhere this cop starts running towards me with his flashlight just a waving in the air. i about had a brain attack with all the flashing lights, seriously. do police men not understand that all their flashing bidness is about to give me a seizure. but he was just warning me that there were people on the side of the road and i needed to get to the other side of the freeway. so i had to be like stunt driver expert and get around the bloody horse, while dodging the freaking out people on the side of the road. and their cars. i'd like to call myself really cool for experiencing this. i only wish i had a camera. or someone with me to experience it. i feel like my writing just doesnt do it justice.

this reminds me of an experience i had recently. and since my brain is going 238723 miles an hour due to the gory night i had, i think i will tell you this other weird story. which isnt as weird, but it sure as heck shook me up.

one saturday morning i was driving to work. i was unhappy about the circumstances i was in. mostly because it was saturday morning, and i had to go to work. but anyways, that's besides the point. all you need to know is that i was driving. on a semi busy road. but since it was so early, there were like 3 cars driving. all of a sudden out of nowhere this gigantic truck pulls in front of me. this was no normal truck, they were pulling a huge flat bed trailer with LITERALLY 70 dead deer piled on top. they didnt have the decency to cover the poor things up with a tarp or a blanket, or like tissues or anything! so there i am staring these dead things in the eyes, and i was freaking out. i kept closing my eyes because i would rather be in a car accident then have to think about these dead guys. except not all of them were guys. because i tried to pass the truck, and they were going kinda over the speed limit, so to pass them i would have to go really fast. except i just thought to myself that if i got pulled over i would just tell the police man about the freakyness of those scary dead animals and he would TOTALLY understand. except i didnt get pulled over.

but. in the act of me trying to pass this truck, i pulled up next to the trailer and what did i see but only the worlds grossest bloody deer vag (ehm. i mean, butt.) seriously though. what the heck. who drives around at 8 in the morning with 70 dead deer hooked to the back of their truck?

nasty nast.

i cant stop thinking about all the blood and guts all over the road. and stuck in the tires of my car. oh dear. i know i am having some freaky dreams tonight, that's for sure. if anyone finds a news story about those dear sweet horses, will you send me the link? i gotta know what happened!

3 funny things

wanna know 3 funny things that happened?

1. i am at the library (i swear weird things happen to me here all the time. by the way i write, you'd probably think ALL i do is sit at the library and watch weird people. well it's not true. i do homework too. i just have ADD so homework turns into people watching/blog writing/ facebook stalking time.) anyways, i am at the library. just a sittin and a workin. and there is this really gross couple sitting near me. they're all over each other and yuck. they're watching a movie or something, who knows. she keeps clipping her fingernails, and if there is ONE sound in the entire world that i hate, that would be it. and she is not wearing shoes. and her toes are really just grossing me out. and he just has..unruly hair. THEN. she does the nastyest nast thing in the world. she pulls a box of tissues out from her backpack. normally, this wouldn't make me throw up in my purse but she starts blowing her nose and i can SEE the boogers in the tissue. that made me sick. but dont worry, folks, it gets worse. after she blows all those nasty sticky boogers into her tissue SHE PUTS IT ON HIS LAP! who in the right mind would deal with someone like this?! i mean, not to be rude or anything but i dont care who it is, i do not want your nasty boogs on my arm.

okay, so much for 3 funny things. i have to finish my paper. sorry, folks ;)

ooooh the library.

HAHAHA. so..funny story. okay maybe it's just funny to me but i need to tell SOMEONE so i dont die of laughing...

so i am sitting here at the library. top floor .right by the window. there is NOBODY here and then this guy comes and sits at a table super close to me. i had my hood on because it was cold and i was dying, and then i stood up to plug my computer in before i lost all my hard work i did on this rockin paper.

then i got hot from working so hard, so i took my hood off. the guy looks up at me and goes "OH! it's a girl!?" and then puts his head back down on the table. i want to know what in the world he is thinking right now.

oh dear. he is mumbling. dont tell anyone but i am sneakily watching him in the reflection of the windows. creeper i know. but he's freaking me out! he keeps mumbling to himself saying weird things like "woah she looks like such a bitch" and weird things. i want to be like..excuse me. but those words are not inside your head. i can HEAR THEM!

okay i am going to do it....well..next time he says something. possible update...soon.

why do all the awkward things only ever happen to me?

i am not made to date. or to have friends. forreals. i just CANNOT do anything right. but oh well. it provides me with laughs galore! :)

so there's this kid at work that's pretty freaking cute (lets pray he's not reading this) anyways, cute kid. i got the balls to talk to him, and so we're friends. whatever. except he is that one person that i honestly cannot be normal around! or say one normal thing FOR.THE.LIFE.OF.ME.

lets just say i am the queen of awkward :)
awkward experience 1:
i had just got his number, and he was texting me about something (not that important) and then someone (who will remain unnamed) told me about their girl issues. so i was like "oh no! do you have any tampons!?" but right as i went to send that to my friend, work boy texted me. my silly phone got so stressed out and confused so what did it do? IT SENT HIM THAT TEXT MESSAGE. yeah, bad. super awkward. but i just learned to laugh at it and move on!

but that is not all.

awkward experience 2:
it was a really slow day in the call center, so my manager assigned me and a few other people to clean the cubicles. i got the job of using the air compressor to get all the dust out of all the keyboards. well i had these air compressors in my hands, and i was walking around. at that exact moment he called my name, so i walked over to his cubicle. then i did it. i did the worlds most embarrassing thing ever. searching for something to say, i look at the compressed air and i go, "OH! did you want me to blow your thing?!" :D
yeah, didnt think that one through. my awkwardness kicked in and i just stood there with the "oh my gosh what the heck am i thinking why in the world did i do that i want to crawl in a hole and die" face on. then i walked away. awkwardly.
oh and then what did he do?

he set his facebook status to THIS:

QUOTE OF THE DAY! "Do you want me to blow your thing?" -Girl at work (kept anonymous)

:( people were like "woah (name of boy), stop working at a strip club!" blah blah blah.

:/ yeah, and that's not all

awkward experience 3:
i am sitting at a stop light in the car with my friend. she drove. i was the passenger. we were just talking/laughing. whatever. it's a friday, and i had to go to work in about 20 minutes. then. they most joyous thing happened to me. HE CALLED! yeah exciting, right? i thought so too. and so my action showed how extremely i was. we're cheering and what not in the car. i was sure i was finally going to get a date. so i answered the phone after cheering..and i tried to play it all cool. and this is how our awful conversation went:
me: hello?
him: oh hey! what's up?
me: oh nothing..just getting ready for work..what about you?
him: oh yeah. nothing. who's your friend?
me: what?
him: who.is.your.friend?
me: huh? kami? uhh..what? are you..watching me? (frantically looking around)
him: oh haha. yeah.
me: WHAT?! WHERE!? (trying to peer into the dark tinted windows of the truck next to me)
him: HAHA! SUCKER! (peeping his head into the light)
me: oh..haha..well...this is great. umm..well. i'll see you at work?
him: yeah, come say hi to me when you get there!
me: yeah, okay. we'll see about that.

i got to work. and i beat him there so i texted him and was like..SUCKER! you drive slow! come say hi when you get here. yeah, he didnt come say hi. or text me back.

what the heck is my problem!? :(

and then. another awkward story. not with the same kid though, different kid. mystery kid. or should i say kids?
ha.

so i was at the gym after work. it's like 9:30 at night, and there are 10000 really great boys. and i had just finished running and i was riding the bike to cool down a bit. and there was this kid and i was for sure we were going to get married. so i texted my cousin and told her about him. and then all of a sudden his twin pops up! so i was like woah! this cant get any better! so i tell her. then she has the brilliant plan for me to go talk to them so i was like YEAH! IMMA DO THIS! so i walk up to them all cutesy and i smile real excitedly big and say hi.
oh dear their faces were priceless. i'm sure mine was too. giddy little five year old.
but them. i got the eyeball lookdown stink face look. then they walked away. LAUGHING.
so i stood there for a second and played it cool and then RAN into the girls locker room. you better believe i hid in there until i knew they were gone.
not so brilliant of an idea. i just dont know why i cant catch a break!

BOOO ON MY AWKWARDNESS.

what do you want?

okay, honestly that title has nothing to do with what i have to say. it was just the first that that came into my head so i went with it.

okay. i have 13 minutes before my bedtime. lets see what i can fit into these short..ope. 12 minutes now.

so school has officially started. it's so great! i had a few nervous breakdowns because i know how hard it is going to be(which is EXTREMELY hard) but i got over it, planned everything out. bought a calendar. bought a planner. got ready to conquer the world. or just college, whichever one comes first.

my classes are a lot of fun though! i have ceramics, ethics and values, yoga, health for education teachers, english, and geology. it sounds easy, but it's a LOT of reading. and even more writing. but it's going to be really good! i've learned a lot already. i really like my philosophy class! it's so great. i get to expand my brain and think more...which is always fun. i've developed a lot of my own ideas and my own beliefs lately, which i think is really cool. my eyes have opened up and i have figured out a lot of stuff!

okay, but i do have one problem.
the boy that sits in front of me in english wears WAY too much cologne..it makes me SICK! so today i sat on the other side of the classroom hoping he wouldnt follow me. AND HE DID! i wanted to die. all i could do was think about how i was about to pass out from this disgusting boys smell, and he wouldnt go away!
i swear if he sits by me again all hell will break loose and he will not have hands to spray that dang stuff on his body anymore. and that's what's up my friends.

dont mess with me.

but on the flip side..
people that dont wear cologne (aka boys) really seriously make me mad. i am sorry, but you are in my general area. and you smell DISGUSTING. i cant breathe when you're around me. and i cant even stand to open my mouth for fear that the stench will somehow turn into a taste and enter into my mouth and scar me for life. so please, no matter how good you think you smell..for my sake put some deodorant on..and then  ONE spray of your lovely cologne.

i almost just passed out on my bed. i am locked in my tiny room. and i had my space heater going. and i had 1348097 blankets on my body. and then all of a sudden i wanted to have a nervous breakdown and be overly dramatic about how hot i was. and so i did.

so guess who rocks at making friends? i do.
well at least i think i do. i have no idea what other people are thinking about me. but i dont really care. because we have fun when we talk! and that's what i like to do.
so what i did was sign up for all the clubs in the world. go me! and now i am officially a cool person. because i do fun things..like...join clubs and...talk to people.

it's so great. :)

so onto another thing.

lets talk anxiety.
1. the fact that i have to walk down a hall with taxidermy animals every day. it's awful. i cry. i swear that hyena is going to attack me one of these days. or the moose will grow a body and eat me.
2. this paper i have to write. i have to write about a "controversial" topic that causes heated discussions between me and someone i care about.
      1. i dont care enough about anyone to write about it.
       2. i dont get in heated discussions unless it's about work and whether or not someone gives me their cell                   phone number.
3. clothes.
4. my alarm going off every morning at 6 for me to go to the gym
5. going to the gym
6.being anywhere except for my bed.
7. when i forget to clip/paint my toenails and i have to wear no shoes or socks in yoga where everyone can see my unkept toes.
8. when i can see my vains popping out of my skin.
9. the fact that my hair isnt growing
10. the thought of having long hair again.
11. when someone parks outside my window.
12. marriage. will people stop suggesting it?
13. people forgetting my birthday (you all forgot it. i just put this in here to remind you that you did. i look forward to your belated birthday cards...with money in them)
14. small paychecks.
15. high rent
16. boys.
17. the fact that one day i might be fat again.
18. THESE DANG TOENAILS.


ope. time's up. you guys got an extra 4 minutes of me writing. how lucky are you?
my sleep just lost 4 minutes. you better feel pretty dang lucky.