18 years...any regrets?

you know when something big is about to happen, ooh lets just say..something like your graduation..and it makes you look back on your life and think if you would have done anything differently,or if you have any regrets? wellllll i've been actually thinking a lot about it because of my whole tech center graduation, and now my high school graduation. it's just weird. but honestly, i wouldnt go back.

i love who i turned out to be, and honestly that's good enough for me. granted, i dont have a lot of friends, but i'm okay with that. i dont feel like i need to be impressing other people, or trying to fit in with everyone, and i really love that about me. i know that's kinda weird, but it's just how i am i guess :) i also really like that i am not afraid to stand up for myself, or say no to people when i really mean no.

what's weird is, no matter how much i hated the tech center, i loved it at the same time. i found out what i DIDNT wanna do when i grow up, i made a lot of friends, i found out what kinds of boys to NOT date, andddddd i learned that public speaking is one of my favorite things ever :)

i guess there are a few things i wish i would have done more in high school...maybe go on a date once in a while ;) or not be so afraid to trust people, but i suppose that'll just be something i need to work on!

the one thing i regret (that is actually probably the lamest thing ever) is once my family went on a vacation to sea world or something, and me and merrit had the chance to kiss a sea lion, but i chickened out. i wanna freakin kiss a sea lion!



anyways. i think my goal is to go on one date with one boy that i can actually stand before i leave for thailand. i have two weeks. blahhh.

maybe i should change that goal right now. it's a lot harder then you think it is! i mean, i realize i'm weird..but really, come one. at least i make good conversation! anyways, i hope i get to kiss a sea lion one day, that's all i ever think about. maybe riding a elephant in thailand will make up for it. but knowing me i am going to chicken out. except i did pet a rhino, sooooo maybe i'm being less of a chicken.

oh wait no. i am still terrified of mascots. :( poooo. one day...i'll be brave :)

i have become "diner girl"

oookay. so i started my new job at the cafe in lifetime, and i really like it! the first day i was really scared and overwhelmed, but now i feel less stupid and i am kinda getting the hang of it, but i mean, it's only been two days so i'm not a professional or anything.

but anyways, onto the topic of this little post.

it seems to be that all the rich and popular boys from my school just sit and hang out at the cafe. i swear they come in three times a day and eat a bazillion foods. well this makes it super awkward for me because i kinda know some of them, and i think they know me, but i know all of them..just from seeing them at school..i mean they're popular everyone knows of them! anyways so they come in today, and i would just smile at them and try not to die of awkwardness. but they like refused to look at me! it was weird! and then this kid ordered a pizza and went and sat down, and i was just cleaning up the sitting area. so the lady made the pizza, and called his name and walked away, but he didnt hear. so i felt obligated to take him this stupid pizza with these 7 guys around him.
so i get up enough courage to grab the pizza and walk it over to them, and i got there and i was like "HI! this is blah blah blah's pizza" and nobody even looked at me, soo i was like ookay.
and then i looked at this one kid and i was like, is you're name blah blah blah. and they didnt look AGAIN. so i was like okay. i am going to throw this pizza at the wall and run into the back room and cry because i feel like such an idiot. so i just set the pizza down in front of a random boy as i yell you're welcome to the world and run away.
man. this story was a lot more awkward when it happened, now it just sounds stupid. maybe i'm writing it in a stupid way but this is all i've got right now.
BOO.

i wish i could explain to you the awkwardness of it. i felt like the girl on a Cinderella story and all the popular people are so mean.

but seriously, other than that i really love my job! the people are so nice!

also, school is almost over. i have half of my math final to finish and then i am DONE. i seriously cannot believe this! I AM GRADUATING! i dont know when that happened, but i like the sound of it :)

i had seminary graduation on sunday, and it felt sooo good to be done! OH i also gave a church on sunday, yeah, i dominated. too bad nobody was there to hear it, but i just whipped that thing out!i was really impressed with myself. you know, no matter how much i complain about that tech center class i did, i am SO thankful for the public speaking skills that i learned, because i am so much more confident and good at public speaking! not a nervous freak who cant spit words out!

oh but anyways, back to what i wanted to say about seminary graduation. when it was my turn to walk up, i got SO nervous! like i felt like i was walking so weird and i got stressed out for the real high school graduation because i have to walk a lot farther, and with a ton more people watching me and i really am stressing about this! so i need to practice my walk, maybe i'll watch more america's next top model so i can get some good pointers. yeah. that's probably a good idea.

this is what i'm going to do twice a day, every day until i get my walk DOWN.

what the what!?

okay sooo i start my new job today :) i dont know if i said this ever but i got a job at LIFETIME FITNESS :) i am so freaking excited. i will be working in the cafe and bistro thing there, and i really cant wait! i hope i'm not bad at it..not gunna lie i'm kinda nervous! but the people there seem really cool annnddd it seems just like a fun place! so anyways, i am really excited.


oh, also...school sucks. the end.

oh but yesterday i was at the gym and i was talking to this random girl about i dont know what..but anyways she told me about this website called myfitnesspal.com and she said its kinda like a weight loss tracker/food journal/exercise helper thing that like you can type in all your information and it helps you track how many calories you should be eating, how much you should be working out, ect. to meet your goal weight by a certain date...it seemed really cool! i havent had time to check it out, but it seemed sweeett to me. sooo for all my family members that are doing this crazy biggest loser competition (p.s. i am going to win) but its free! so sign up and geeeet going! :)

also, graduation in like TWO weeks.
thailand in three. WHAT THE WHAT?! how did that sneak up on me?! well i am selling sonic value cards that have a lot of buy one get one free things, and all the money is going towards rebuilding the school in thailand that was crashed down my the tsunami sooo if you're interested, they are $10 and just contact me! i'd love to get ya one. anyways, either email mallory-kay@hotmail.com or facebook, text, ya know...whatever :)

also..this saturday we are having a garage sale, i am not sure of the exact location..but i'll keep you posted! we'll be selling not trashy stuff! i promise! we'll have the cards there, we'll have food, it'll be fun i promise! :)

procrastination

Okay so i have to give a 10 minute speech tomorrow...30 slides...video clips..all of that jazz. but what is the only thing i can think about?
toast.

i freaking love toast. i wish i could steal all the bread from great harvest and make it into toast and then slap some butter on it and eat it all the time.

it is freaking amazing.

anyways...i thought of something else that gives me anxiety...

having to deal with my passport in the airport. i have like legit anxiety that i am going to lose it, and get stuck somewhere and yada yada yada. i like check my bag for it 14 times while standing in some ten minute line...i cant help it! i guess it's better than not caring and leaving it somewhere. but sometimes i just feel like i'm so obsessed with not losing it that i am going to lose it.

anyways...i came up with a few things that i cant stand:

1. friction. like rubbing my hands together. skin on skin contact..HATE it.
2. tinfoil. i just hate it.
3. when people scratch the carpet with their fingernails.
4. touching paper after washing my hands.
5. the sound of forks on glass plates


okay i think that's all. i NEED to write this stupid speech.uuugh.

i'm a gleek...

i adore glee. more than anything in the world. i wish it was my life. i want to date finn. mostly i want to marry finn actually. today they had the BEST episode. seriously..ice ice baby and cant touch this..how can you say that's bad!

i am also stressed out up to my eyeballs. i have to give two speeches this week, and then one huge one next week. thanks to my wonderful father i got rid of my nervous breakdown and actually tackled that project. i'm so thankful for him :)

okay ah. i am having a hard time typing this post because i am so consumed with watching glee. seriously, if you dont watch it i will let you come to my house and watch every single episode with me, because...it's wonderful. :)

anyways. sorry...bye!

why is it so hard for me...

why is is so hard for me to lose weight? i freaking work out 2 hours a day..for 5 days a week and still just cant lose one single freaking pound. i am sick of it. i want to punch someone in the face. probably the lady that teaches turbokick because she hurts my entire body for the next 4 days. seriously, like i woke up the next day and i couldnt get out of bed! my legs hurt, my back hurt, my abs hurt, my shoulders hurt, my arms hurt, my everything hurt. oh but wait, NOTHING has happened for like..seriously 3 months.

POOOOO! :(

anyways, i cleaned my room today. it was great. except i mostly just hung up my clothes, and stacked all the random things on a table and covered it with one of those things that you stick your face in and then take a picture with it. its a girl getting out a limo. dont ask me why i have it, but if you ever need it...i've got you covered.

its also really hard for me to force myself to post things! i dont know why even because i seriously go through the whole day thinking about all the funny and interesting things i can write about on my blog, but i get home and i cant even remember one thing that i thought of! maybe someone needs to buy me a little notebook called "things i thought of during the day that i really need to blog about" yeah, i think thats a really good idea. :)

so freaking. less that 26 days of school and it gets harder and harder for me to go by the day. i dont understand how people say they are going to miss high school, i honestly couldnt care less about those people. i have no sadness in my heart for leaving. no offense or anything to any of you out there, i just do not feel attached to you AT ALL.

its also hard for me to give a crap about anything. yeah, enough said.

but good news...I FINISHED SEMINARY MAKE UP FINALLY. oh hello. i am freaking graduating seminary with my 4 year freaking degree. surpriseeeee. i am impressed with myself because seriously, i had a lot to make up. but..GO ME!

anyways. i leave for thailand soon. one day we might be having a fundraiser so you better check this often so i can remind you, and you can come and give my team money so the cute kiddies in thailand will be so happy with all the wonderful stuff that we can do for them :)

woohoo.

anyways. my mother made dinner. at nine o'clock at night. sooo i suppose i will go eat with my family.

oh also, i love the tv show parenthood. please watch it. you'll die. unless you're my mom...then you'll cry.
pfff.

THAT was close.

woahhh now. i was sitting here (not being able to sleep) and realized that there are only three more days in March...THREE. yesterday i was celebrating my freakin birthday and then BAM all of a sudden it's practically april. when in the heck did any of this happen?!

that's mostly the question i've been asking all year. what.the.heck.

like hello. my life is about to change forever. i am moving out. going to college. growing up. i dont want to grow up, i dont even know how! and i have to probably start acting civilized, and get a job, and make friends or something.

oh for heck sakes. i might be married in like...the next five years.

but first i have to figure out how to get a date.

boo on growing up. it's freaking me out. also the fact that time flies, really is super crazy too. i want to build a time machine and go back to when i was a little baby and people would just feed me and carry me around and let me watch cartoons all day. That would probably be the best thing EVER.

or at least i need to get a job so i can stop stressing about money so much. it's really starting to get on my nerves. actually, everything is.
mostly all i do is eat, sleep, watch tv and go to the gym.everything else can just disappear.

but really, i love my life. i have the best family that anyone could ask for and i am so thankful that they always have my back and i dont need anyone else in the world as long as i have them.
and i am sooo thankful to have all the things that i have, and be so blessed to have grown up with the church, because heaven knows where i'd be at this point in my life without is. probably in a mangled mess on the side of the road or something.

what an awesome life i have! seriously! :)