redirection

forreal even I (capital i) forgot i had a blog for a little bit.

but then i remembered that nobody even got to hear about my italy trip. me leaving the great ukraine. OR. my return to the u. s. of A!

i do apologize, and i will make it up to you by telling you...lots of things :)

short update:

italy: there are no words to describe. it was crazy. it was stressful. it was hot. it was full of gelato. there were tears and laughs. and tons more laughing. but mostly a shiztonload of walking. i literally walked like i had nails poking into my feet by the end of the trip. because, honestly...it felt WORSE. but it was the most amazing trip of my life. i got to spend it with my 4 best friends in the world and have never been happier.

leaving ukraine: sad. stressful.

i got picked up from my apartment at 2 o'clock in the morninnn and i was literally heartsick. i didnt know what to expect in going home. i was excited to get back to reality. see my family. my friends. all that jazz. but i had NO idea what i was going to do. and i learned to love ukraine more than anything in the world. my family there. my friends. my life style. it was a dream, and i couldnt believe it was ending so quickly. after i had finished packing (i procrastinated. i think i was in denial) and i just sat on my bed...looking around and how familiar it had become to me. the room. the bed. the neighborhood. the inability to communicate. and as much as i complained. as how depressed and lonely i got. i was sad to leave.

i guess what was even more frustrating for me was the fact that i didnt even get a chance to say goodbye to my host brother and sister..they were out of town...no hugs from them :( i regret that every day, honestly.
and then the fact that i couldnt truly express my gratitude and love for my host parents. and how sad i was for leaving...mehh. i'm getting teary eyes just typing this :(

so anyways, on to the stressful part.
so 2 rolls around and they call me and tell me they are here to pick me up. so i roll my three abnormally large suitcases out of my room, say my goodbyes to my parents and make my way down to the elevator and down the stairs. 1. 3 suitcases was a bad idea. 2. they were heavy. 3. i was tired and awkward. 4. 3 suitcases was a bad idea :)

so i get to the van and we get to the airport. mind you, i get there by 2:30. we dont fly out until 6:40. UGH. so we said our goodbyes to people going their different directions and that was sad. and then the madness began.
we finally got to check in. the line is 3 miles long. we have problems because we have so many bags. we had to check in at one desk, walk and pay for our bags at another desk. and then go back to the first desk and give the lady our receipt (gosh, i can never figure out how to spell that stupid word on my own!). so blah blah blah. we get done with that step. then we have to go through security--i dominated and made it through like a champion of security. but then comes the drama. we got stopped at the boarder.

aka we were in ukraine illegally and they were pisssssed.
so i'm running around like a crazy woman because at this point in time its getting closer and closer to our departure time, and everyone was stressing out hard. so this is what happened. since we were in a big group together, they called us to the front of the line. some guy at the back of the line (not a part of the group) was mad that we were getting "special treatment" and so he followed me. i tried to tell him we were in trouble and to go away, but he wouldnt listen. and i was already on edge. so my actions after this point are not to be accounted for.

but this is what happened. he followed us, and we were in a group handing the guy our passports so he could get us in trouble. so the guy that followed me kept hitting me with his passport to hand up to the boarder control man and i was getting more and more irritated. and so i turned around and took his passport and waved my hands around telling him that this isnt his problem and to get back in line. pretttttty sure everyone was petrified of me. i had rage in my soul. i dont know why, i just was tired and overly emotional.

so anyways, this is awkward by this point. this boy i was with took the passport from me and calmly talked to the guy and he was all like oh...and walked away. and i was just mad still.

the end.

that was a stupid story, i guess you had to be there. and you had to be as tired and emotional as i was.
because i look back and lauuuuuuugh.

anyways, now being home. i'll try and keep this short because i know i can ramble and it's ANNOYING.
so here's whats up.
i had a life realization of what i want. where i'm going. who i want to do it with. and just...everything that life was REALLY about. so i changed.....everything.
literally everything. i guess i'm still going through the process, and it's a stupidly sucky hard thing to do..but i'm SO excited about it.

i look forward to moving back down to school, and being the person that i want to be, and meeting people that help me be that person, and that make me excited about life.
wahooo! :)

i know, this is the most annoying words you've ever heard. but honestly, this is HUGE for me. and i'm proud of myself, so i'm going to proclaim it to the world. :)

so mostly, that's the redirection of my life. and i love every second of it. i'm excited for it. and i'm nervous...and i'm really reallllly happy.

trust me, it's had its hard times. changing my friends (ehm..boyfriends..) and just focusing on myself...SUCKS.

so i 've lost all sense of what i was saying, and i'm bugging myself.
so enjoy this hilarious picture...