panic and denial

hi. i dont know if you forgot about me, but i still exist. and i am still doing that really crazy thing called moving to the ukraine for 5 months. except, wanna know the funny part?
i leave on wednesday. yeah, like...this upcoming one.
as in...i have 4.5 days on this planet i like to call america.

and i'm living in denial.
i dont like to think about the fact that i havent even started packing.
or the fact that i can barely say hello in russian.
or the face that i am moving to the frozen tundra.
or that i'm leaving everything i know to be alone in this scary place doing something really scary that i have no idea how to do.
or the fact that i'm going to miss my older sister coming home...whom i havent seen in a year and a half.
or the fact that i'm missing easter...valentines day..presidents day..ryan's birthday...memorial day..st patricks day..and all the other days.
there's a lot of facts that i'm stressing hardcore about. and i just wanna cry.

is it bad that i already feel alone...and i havent even left yet?

:(

the worst part is. everyone's encouraging words make it WORSE. stop telling me i'm going to be okay. i know i will. just let me stress out because i'm doing something really scary!
we all know how much i hate the unknown. and literally...this whole thing is the unknown. i found out yesterday that i'm leaving wednesday. i dont know who i'll be living with...what to expect...NOTHING.
literally.

my eyeballs are going to fall out from crying so much. all i want are a million hugs. no words. just hugs.

:(


in other news.....

 :))))))))))))))))))))))))

 my birthday dinner :) 

 he's back! :) whaat!

i also cut my own hair. i wouldnt recommend it to anyone. 

i dont know what i was thinking...it was a good idea at the time. i was practicing! i didnt wanna trust a crazy eastern european to cut my hair, so i thought i would just do it myself. 

bad idea. 

i trust them over myself any day. 

love this. it will be my life for the next 6 months. :) 

also, this was pretty legit. it's not making me feel any better though. i'm still freaking out. 

mehhhhhhh. 

The Kiev Live - Timelapse from Oleg Finger on Vimeo.

the big announcement

HELLO TO EVERYONE THAT IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD.

and since i am so popular and everyone reads my blog, i decided that i was going to exclaim my wonderful news to the world of my blog! :)

I, Mallory Denison, am moving the the Ukraine for 6 months to teach English to the cutest freaking children you will ever see.

yeah, i'm not kidding. i'm being totes serious. and i am leaving in ONE FREAKING MONTH! this is the most exciting thing that i have ever even said in my entire life. this has been my dream, and the opportunity has finally arose! i didnt sign up for school, i didnt want to be at my job any more. and i didnt know what i was going to do with myself. not even kidding i was having a panic attack.

so anyways. in one day my life plans for january decided to change all in one day. my mom found the program, i applied, had my interview, and got accepted all within one day.

so...this is my plea to you. visit this website:
 http://www.gofundme.com/az7wo 
and donate money to the children. literally, all i need is $600. and this will change not only my life, but it will give these kids something that they will benefit from for their entire life. so even $5 will help.

so i'm sure you wanna know the low down on this program, and what i'll be doing, and how long i'll be there and all that jazz. so let me answer all your questions.
i will be teaching English to elementary aged children. I will be in Kiev, Ukraine. living with a host family. i leave in january and come back in june. i will be teaching (...no i'm not getting paid for this) monday-friday and loving every second of it. i plan all my own lessons, and all the lessons are very interactive and fun for the kids (and mostly me because we know how much i love to play)

so anyways. if you want to know more about the program, visit http://www.ilp.org/ and you will learn all the things that will want you to help these adorable children.

now watch this awesome video and see the wonderful land of ukraine that i will be living in! :) I LOVE YOU AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR HELPING ME!

stopppp!

i think people are mean. and i think it needs to stop.

i dont know why it's bugging me so bad that people are ragging on the "occupy wall street protesters" but i would like to see it stop. like now.

guess what? they have opinions.
guess what? they want change.
at least they are doing something about it.

all the rest of you that see a problem and think there is nothing you can do about it, or you dont care enough to try to make changes are the worst of them all.
change is slow. and it's hard. and nothing will ever be perfect. but shouldnt we all be striving towards a better world? shouldnt we all want to make our mark on the world for the better, and say that we tried. who cares if protesting doesnt work. or if  they're being crazies. it's something they're passionate about. and they want change.

nobody thought women should have the right to vote. people threw rocks at them. had them put in prison. told them they were fighting for a pointless cause and they should accept the fact that life is the way that it is, and to just accept it.
but guess what? they didnt stop. they fought until the end..and made their voice heard. because it was something they were passionate about. and guess what's even cooler? IT WORKED.
it was a looonnngg time coming, but it did. and i wish that i show the same determination and passion about the current issues (which, coincidentally we still have womans equality issues..what the heck)
but anyways. i dont get peoples problems and why they have to be so mean.

if you dont agree...then do what you want to change it. but you dont have to be rude to people for what they care about. because i think this is exactly what this country needs.
since when did everyone stop caring, and think they dont have a say in anything that happens to them?
guess what. you can change it. just look at the threethousandmillion examples of it in freaking history. YEAH THAT'S RIGHT.


now stand up. and make your picket sign. and head to washington dc. becasue we gunna make a change.

and while we're at it. and we stop world hunger, poverty, and make peace with everyone?
mkay thanks.

oh, and also give me thirteen million dollars :)

i have a problem...

you guys. i dont mean to rain on everyones parade buuttt...

i.dont.get.it.

what is the deal with everyone's OBSESSION with mustaches?!

1. they're not cool. or funny. they never were. so stop trying to make them cool OR funny. IT'S NOT!
2. they are creepy. they creep me out. i think you're going to rape me if you have one. and i automatically dont feel like talking to you because you bug me.
3.STOP trying to be hipster. you're not.

but i'm not even going to lie. the thing that bugs me the most is EVERYTHING on pinterest that is a mustache thing. oh hi. let me paint mustaches on my fingernails.
oh, what? you need a bandaid? well i have a mustache one.
oh dont worry about it. my coffee mug has a mustache on it because i'm just that cool.

i see mustache combs, mustache pillows, mustache rings. literally. you name it, and there is probably a mustache thing of it.

so anyways. boo on them, they can just go be creepy and drive around in their creepy van and take candy to little kids. and be creepy. and annoy the living daylights out of me.

BUT. dont think i will be nice to anyone that tries to talk to me while having one of those things on their face. not.going.to.happen.

in other news.

a woman found jesus on a cliff in ireland. silly goose. what was he doing all the way over there!?

that's the picture. i feel like i'm playing a weird game of eye spy or connect the dots when i try and see it.

i wish i could find jesus in something.
oh my gosh. i just had the greatest idea ever made by my brain. i'm going to make a huge pile of clothes in my room and make it look like a manger and then like sculpt the inside to make it look like baby jesus.
then i'm going to sell it for twelve million dollars and be super rich and famous.

yesssssss.

anyways. wanna read the article of this gem of a lady? GO HERE NOW! you'll be sure to not regret the time wasted while reading that.

confusion

okay. i guess i'm going to get a little serious here, because i feel like it.

but let  me say somethings before i do that:

today i am getting my hair cut. it's about time. i'm not going to lie, i have a full on mullet. on purpose, of course, but it's getting gross. mostly disgusting. but anyways, that's besides the point. today i was depressed because i wanted a pony tail for once. it's been 14 months since i've had one! or even since i've had a part in my hair. weird weird weird. so anyways, i got excited because today was the last day in a long time i could even attempt that.

so guess what!? I DID IT. I GOT MY HAIR INTO A PONY TAIL! :)

it's quite a sad attempt at a pony tail, but i got it done nonetheless.

okay. i think that's all the important things i have to say. now onto my regular topic.

LIFE IS STUPID AND CONFUSING.

i dont know who made this rule, but college is the time you have to make every single life decision you'll ever make and it's really stupid i think. and i just kinda wish someone will tell me what to do. i'm stressing hard. about everything. school. work. life in general. its weird how fast things change i decided. i thought i had everything mapped out. i would go to school. be there for 3 years. be a teacher. have a direct career path. blah blah blah. but then that changed into me doing business. and becoming an event planner and being really awesome. but then that changed into I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I WANT TO DO AND I WANNA HIDE IN THE CLOSET AND CRY.

but anyways. i'm over it. mostly what's going on now is..i applied to the U.
i'm looking for a new job up in the slc. (if you know of anyone hiring...let me know!?)
i...think that's all. i'm going to LAS VEGAS this weekend with some wonderful friends i work with. and the boyf :) and i'm exciteeeddd. it will be w.o.n.d.e.r.f.u.l. and warm..hopefully. i'm already sick and tired of the cold. and having frost on my car errymorning. BOO ON SNOW.

anyways. i hope everyone is happy and bright :) anndd full of good advice for me.

things that i like.

i like a lot of things. i like being happy. soooo...i have compiled a list of things that make me really really happy. :)

1. chocolate chip pancakes.
2. having a clean bedroom. which doesnt happen often enough :/
3. cloud watching.
4. this guy. :)

5. also, probably these people:

6. heads up 7 up. 

7. really awesome songs that make you all nostalgic. 

8. doing funny crafts

9. pinterest 

10. puppies.

11. colorful rainbow-y things 

12. chocolate ice cream. okay, actually chocolate everything. 

13. glittery things

14. shopping. shopping. shopping. shopping. 

15. tina fey. 

16. zumba :) 

17. no.more.school. 

18. wearing dresses.

19. smelly good boys.

20. buying stuff. 

21. panda bears

22. babies

23. hahahahahahahahahahahaha. this kid. 

anyways. those things are great. and so am i.

okay well i suppose i'll give you a little life update (like there is anything to update on)

school sucks and is stupid. but i'm just ya know...getting through. i think i need to take a little break. i cant handle it right now. i get really bugged by everyone there. i feel like i am surrounded by 4 year olds all the time and they have no common sense.

good thing i'm the smartest person in the entire world and i know everything and am superior to everyone.

:) hahaaa.

okay. work...i dont wanna talk about it. if you catch my drift.

anyways. i'm tired and have a millions of homeworks and laundry to do. UGH.

finalllyyy.

what? i do things like write blogs still?

yes. sometimes. so here's a little treat for ya'll...my life update! :) also, some other thoughts about things that annoy me.

okay..where to start? school? mkay. so school started. i'm almost 2 weeks in and already i can tell i'm in over my head. but it's a good thing. i am taking 5 classes (two online) and the other three are CLASSES FROM HELL.
okay, truth is they are all from hell. nobody told me business was really really hard! but i love it :) i feel like i'm actually learning something, instead of playing games and taking the easy way out with elementary ed.

besides the whole buying books and paying tuition thing, i am happy with school! oh, and the weird creepy boys that try talking to me. i've become overly antisocial.
ONE of my 5 books costs $200. ONE BOOK. the other ones are almost as bad. booo. anyone wanna contribute to the "mallory works her butt off and doesnt wanna spend twelve million dollars on books" fun..that's totally fine with me.

work.

welllll i dunno who knows this and who doesnt (if you dont, you're obviously a really bad friend...) anyways..i got a new position at work! i am now the very prestigious financial assistant. GO ME!
what does that mean? it means i sit at a VERY awkward desk and talk on the phone all day and be nice to people and harass the bank until they fund all the deals we send them. it's a pretty intense job, but i love it!

the guy i work for is awesome, and i get paid more...so those are all good things! i work wayyy too much though, so trying to balance school and work is going to be tough but i can do it! because guess what our new family motto is?

"DENISONS CAN DO HARD THINGS! " all the hard things.

that's courtesy of my mother. if you ask me it's a little provocative. but whatever.. i just do what my mother says.

okay what else? oh i moved into a house in orem. it's a giant really super nice house and i love it. i have my own room. and a tv in my room. what does this mean? i lay in my bed alll the time and watch tv. that's another thing i have to be careful about. if i dont watch myself i'll be one of those people that wakes up one morning weighing 700 pounds and all i can do is eat and watch tv.

i dunno though..sometimes that kinda sounds like fun.

okay, too much happiness. it's time to complain.

am i the only one in the entire world that doesnt understand the english language?! seriously, i had an angry panic attack today during work because i think i missed like 12 years of grammar lessons.
i understand the basics..you know, verb, noun, pronoun, adjective, conjunction, interjection, how to write a sentence that makes sense. whatever. but then you get into these difficult, wordy things that i have NO IDEA what you're talking about.
past participle
conditionals
predicate
preposition
infinitive
past perfect continuous
reduced relative clause
etc. etc. etc.
WHAT THE HECK ARE ALL THOSE THINGS.

i really feel stupid sometimes because people will go on and on and on and onnnnn about all the things, and my brain just turns off when i hear any words that have to do with grammar. i cant handle it.

which is weird, because i'm kinda obsessed with writing and editing and such but grammar is just WAY tooo much for me.

and not to be rude or anything, but the last thing i want from this post is for some smartypants (aka you dad)  to comment with the definitions of all those things. i'll probably get really angry and write some sort of hate mail to you.

i have more things to complain about...but i should probably get back to work. so expect an angry post about ring back tones and hold music some day :)