what do you want?

okay, honestly that title has nothing to do with what i have to say. it was just the first that that came into my head so i went with it.

okay. i have 13 minutes before my bedtime. lets see what i can fit into these short..ope. 12 minutes now.

so school has officially started. it's so great! i had a few nervous breakdowns because i know how hard it is going to be(which is EXTREMELY hard) but i got over it, planned everything out. bought a calendar. bought a planner. got ready to conquer the world. or just college, whichever one comes first.

my classes are a lot of fun though! i have ceramics, ethics and values, yoga, health for education teachers, english, and geology. it sounds easy, but it's a LOT of reading. and even more writing. but it's going to be really good! i've learned a lot already. i really like my philosophy class! it's so great. i get to expand my brain and think more...which is always fun. i've developed a lot of my own ideas and my own beliefs lately, which i think is really cool. my eyes have opened up and i have figured out a lot of stuff!

okay, but i do have one problem.
the boy that sits in front of me in english wears WAY too much cologne..it makes me SICK! so today i sat on the other side of the classroom hoping he wouldnt follow me. AND HE DID! i wanted to die. all i could do was think about how i was about to pass out from this disgusting boys smell, and he wouldnt go away!
i swear if he sits by me again all hell will break loose and he will not have hands to spray that dang stuff on his body anymore. and that's what's up my friends.

dont mess with me.

but on the flip side..
people that dont wear cologne (aka boys) really seriously make me mad. i am sorry, but you are in my general area. and you smell DISGUSTING. i cant breathe when you're around me. and i cant even stand to open my mouth for fear that the stench will somehow turn into a taste and enter into my mouth and scar me for life. so please, no matter how good you think you smell..for my sake put some deodorant on..and then  ONE spray of your lovely cologne.

i almost just passed out on my bed. i am locked in my tiny room. and i had my space heater going. and i had 1348097 blankets on my body. and then all of a sudden i wanted to have a nervous breakdown and be overly dramatic about how hot i was. and so i did.

so guess who rocks at making friends? i do.
well at least i think i do. i have no idea what other people are thinking about me. but i dont really care. because we have fun when we talk! and that's what i like to do.
so what i did was sign up for all the clubs in the world. go me! and now i am officially a cool person. because i do fun things..like...join clubs and...talk to people.

it's so great. :)

so onto another thing.

lets talk anxiety.
1. the fact that i have to walk down a hall with taxidermy animals every day. it's awful. i cry. i swear that hyena is going to attack me one of these days. or the moose will grow a body and eat me.
2. this paper i have to write. i have to write about a "controversial" topic that causes heated discussions between me and someone i care about.
      1. i dont care enough about anyone to write about it.
       2. i dont get in heated discussions unless it's about work and whether or not someone gives me their cell                   phone number.
3. clothes.
4. my alarm going off every morning at 6 for me to go to the gym
5. going to the gym
6.being anywhere except for my bed.
7. when i forget to clip/paint my toenails and i have to wear no shoes or socks in yoga where everyone can see my unkept toes.
8. when i can see my vains popping out of my skin.
9. the fact that my hair isnt growing
10. the thought of having long hair again.
11. when someone parks outside my window.
12. marriage. will people stop suggesting it?
13. people forgetting my birthday (you all forgot it. i just put this in here to remind you that you did. i look forward to your belated birthday cards...with money in them)
14. small paychecks.
15. high rent
16. boys.
17. the fact that one day i might be fat again.
18. THESE DANG TOENAILS.


ope. time's up. you guys got an extra 4 minutes of me writing. how lucky are you?
my sleep just lost 4 minutes. you better feel pretty dang lucky.

call me crazy...

but i dont think i'm a real girl!

my cousin Cheryl was updating on her blog about her collection of wedding things..invitations..rings..dresses, etc. and i was thinking about what i wanted my wedding to be and i realized. I'VE NEVER FANTASIZED ABOUT MY WEDDING! i mean, of course, i want to get married. of course i want a wedding. but i dont think i have ever been the kinda girl thats like "i know i want this kind of wedding. with this kind of looking cake. and this is the perfect dress." i know i want a big sparkly ring though! but that's all.
also, i want to elope.

so this means i am a fake girl. sorry guys

UPDATE!

soo remember when i was all "i am going to be so happy until finals week!"?

and then remember how some jerk was like "i give it a week"?

well guess what? it's finals week, and i can HONESTLY say that i have had good days since i changed my attitude. i'm not going to lie and said every little moment was perfect, i did have bad moments. but i didnt let them affect my attitude or my day, and guess what? i made a friend!
not just one friend. BUT FOUR. and also, i have learned so much about myself. it's weird how much people change in such little time. its the end of my first semester in college -- can you believe that?! i still feel like a  child, i'm not going to lie. i dont feel like i belong here, but i am trying to make the best of it, and figure out what life is all about! but i am loving the adventure.

i have made a budget for myself, so that by the end of this semester i can come out on top and not in the hole. and it's going well! i just need to stop eating ;) haha just kidding.
but, my next goal is to schedule my time better. right now, i go to school and then i come home. and then i wait around (doing homework and such) and then i go to work. then i come home. then i go to bed. and that's all. i dont do JACK SQUAT i feel like. and there is so much i want to do!

so this is what i am going to do.
1. get a gym pass.
2. go to the gym EVERY DAY! yes i said every day. not sundays...but 5 days a week i'll be back at the gym! it's time to kick myself into gear again.
3. volunteer. there are amazing places down here in orem..and i really need to get involved! so after the gym...it's straight to service-doing for me!
4. i want to take an archery class. because it's cool :)

so here's my plan (i know you all dont really care, but i feel like if i tell you all then i'll actually do it!)

i am going to wake up. go to school. go to the gym. go volunteer. do homework. go to work. come home. do homework. go to bed. be happy.

i am so excited for this next semester! now that i am all settled in, i really feel like i can get my life into order!

also, i had NO idea christmas was next week. i am kinda freaking out here. maybe i need to pay attention to life more often..yes?

oh well, i am so excited. i love christmas. i love the music. and the jubilee, and the feeling! and plus, NO SNOW! :)

yes yes yes.

i have also found something i actually love about orem. THE WEATHER! it is so much warmer, and less stormy here--what a miracle!

okay, well that was a rant and a half. and i didnt say anything useful. so here is something that will entertain you and forget all the boring things i said.

"the promise"

okay, so here i was. laying in my bed thinking of all the miserable things that happen to me. all the things that i wish that i could change in my life. etc. but then i though HEY! i'm such a loser! i'm the one that is being stupid. i'm the one making myself feel like this every.single.day. then i had another epiphany. if i was doing this to myself, i could do the opposite and make myself feel happy! so guess what i did?

i made a promise.

here it is: i will not have a bad day until finals week (i gave myself until then because everyone knows you're allowed to eat as much as you want and be as cranky as you want during finals week) but here's one of the rules.  i am allowed to have a bad day on sunday because i ALWAYS am cranky on sunday. it doesnt matter where i'm at, who i'm with, or what i am doing. sundays just SUCK. no offense or anything. but they do. i dont know what it is but every sunday i want to go on a crazy rampage of killing. and punch everything in the world.

but i am done talking about that.
so that's that. there's my promise. and guess what? it's working! i went to work, and i was chipper. and my manager was like "why the heck are you smiling?! you never smile!" and then i said (with my head held high..and a smile on my face) "because i am having a GREAT day! :)" then my other manager turns around and she goes. "what the, why?" and i said "because i am always cranky and i am SICK of it!"

then they laughed awkwardly and walked away. but i was proud of myself. oh so proud.

and then guess what? i made TWO friends at work that day :) TWO!!!
i am already facebook friends with one of them. go me!

and also, now i ALWAYS have good days at work! always! because i sit by my friends and we laugh. we laugh so hard my brains fall out. and then i laugh some more. then someone calls and i am on the phone call, and i just start laughing for no good reason! i kinda get in trouble sometimes because i laugh so much, but i dont think anythings wrong with it. everyone could use more laughter in their life!

that is why i am going to show you THIS: www.hyperboleandahalf.com
okay, if you dont laugh out loud at least 5 times while you read this. then you dont have a soul. because i am 1. addicted and 2. in love with it because it makes me laugh so freaking hard.

anyways, i hope you all enjoy that gift i gave you.

also, mal's words of wisdom for the day:
dont procrastinate. the end.

p.s. the drawings in that blog are what kill me. their hands. oh.my.gosh. i just cant even handle how hilarious it is. i just want to laugh all the time. and so i do :)

what happened?

will someone tell me where mallory went?
i mean, not this one. not the one that's here. the one that had fun. that laughed. that was excited to wake up in the morning to tackle on the daily duties. the one that did stuff. like smiling.
something happened, i dont know what. but i dont remember the last time i was actually excited for something. i am sick of everything. i want everything to be the way it used to be. i want my sister back. i want to not be living in this forsaken apartment. town. county. everything. i get anxiety every time i have to walk into my apartment. i dont think my brain is even on when i'm at work. and school is a joke. everything around me is going, and i just am sitting here with a glaze over my eyes going through the days counting the seconds when i can go back to bed.
i need a little bit of saving. and a friend.

what to say..what to say...

haha okay, i know i am the worst blog writer in the WORLD lately, but i honestly have no freaking clue what to say anymore!
i wish my life was exciting. i wish that some crazy thing would happen. but lets get real. it's not.
want to know my life schedule?
8 am. wake up.
9 am. you're late for class, hurry up and go.
12 pm. get home from class for the day.
12:15 pm. hurry up and eat.
12:30-2 pm. homework, homework, homework.
2-3 pm. play with kami (my roommate)
3-4 pm. take a nap.
4:30 pm. leave for work
5-10 pm. work.
10-12 pm. (honestly, who knows what happens in this time. i just sit on the computer, or hang out across the hall. or just go to bed.)

thats my life. every. single. day. exciting, i know. i'm not trying to complain, dont get me wrong i have some fun. but it does get boring at times. i just wish i had a day off where i could do something. but then again, i have no freaking idea what i would do with a day off. usually, on my tuesdays off (because i have tuesdays off..for class that i have that goes until 6) but i have no idea what to do with myself and my time off!
i really like my job at the call center. i get a lot of hours, enough money to pay for things i need, etc. and i am making a lot of friends there :) we have fun.

also, for the longest time i thought it was ect. not etc. i'm so silly sometimes.
like when i was eating food with this kid i work with, and he was talking about how at work this and this and this happened. and i looked at him i was like wait! where do you work?! (all seriously) and then it hit me that i work with him!
i was so embarrassed.

okay, i guess i do have some BIG BIG NEWS!

I GOT A NEW CAR! my death car, that was literally trying to kill me, was getting out of control and so i told my dad and battabingbattaboom! mallory had a new car! it's super cute, and so me!
it's an all black 09 kia rio. how freaking cute, right?!
anyways, i'd be jealous if i were you. haha just kidding.
okay maybe one day i'll take a picture of it and show you guys the joyfulness of the car. :)

excuse me, sir

so a whole lot of funny things have happened lately, i just want to sit around and laugh so hard sometimes.
anyways, today i was sitting on the bus and the most disgusting smellling person was sitting here all high and mighty. it was a combination of BO and cologne. it was the smell of vomit. i couldnt stop laughing at that poor soul. bless his heart, i almost wanted to give him some wet wipes or something.

then i had to run to class because i was SUPER late and so i ran into class and there was this boy presenting, and i wasnt really paying attention to him because, you know, who really pays attention in those kinds of things? yeah,  not me. but then! i looked up at him and i discovered something that i wish i would have known years ago.
ELF'S EXIST! there is no way they couldnt after looking up at his sweet little pointy ears.

also, i need some serious help, with a few things actually.
1. i am looking for an after school nanny job...for somewhere in utah county. so if anyone knows of anything, please please pleaseeeeee let me know! i will be your best friend forever.
i miss those kinds of jobs so bad. i miss being around kids. i miss their voices and their energy! i'd rather change a diaper then sit in an office all day.
i miss everything about it.
2. i need some help. i am trying to make a budget for myself because i feel like my money just goes places that i dont even know. SO what i'm asking for is suggestions on how you've budgeted..what you've noticed that works and doesnt work .

school is getting better. it's hard. it's lonely. it's a lot of work, but i am working at it every day to be positive and to make the best out of what i have, because in the wise words of my cousin rachel, the grass is greener where you water it!

i got to talk to merrit yesterday morning, she was leaving the airport for ecuador! horray for her! i am so excited for her :)
it was kinda hard talking to her, but absolutely perfect! i miss her so much every single day. but she is going to be a super great missionary. she is doing really well, if anyone wanted to know!
she kinda feels like it's not real life, but she is loving it! she is kinda overwhelmed with the whole situation, but she'll adjust lickity split. (i know i spelled that wrong, but honestly everyone i asked had no idea how to spell lickity, so dont be hatin)

also, i need some hugs. so if anyone wants to. come to orem. give me a hug. and tell me that we're friends. because sometimes i get a little lonely and sad.

anyways. bye.