i cry every time i take down the christmas treeee :)

haha. uh pretty sure that's an inside joke. unless you've heard the ridiculously stupid song that says that a million times. who in their right mind cries when they take down the tree. well i almost did today because i was so mad at all the millions of christmas decorations we have in our house, and not enough boxes to put them all in. it's extremely upsetting...but i love it nonetheless.

um pretty sure i'm stressed out to the MAX currently. school starts in a week. which i am EXTREMELY upset about. i dont know how i'm going to do it. and i have so so so much homework it's ridiculous. i just wanna quit now and start runnin. and then..kenya is just creeping closer and closer. i still have to raise a bunch of money...and do a million hours of service. and i have to work. (WHICH I LOVE) haha. except for the part where it gets really stressful. that part is what i hate.

um. christmas was really fun :) i got everything i wanted plus some! and..i just loved it so much :) but i always do. i am HATING the snow. i want it to die. i wish i could take a sword and stab it a million times...but that would do abosolutely nothing except make me really cold..so i wont do it.

lets see...the other day me and merrit and abigail went to go ice skating at the south jordan rink. but of course it was closed...so we decided just to use our feet...minus the skates. and of course i was the one that falls...twice and gets a concussion :( it still hurts. i guess maybe i should see a doctor. but i hate them! they'll just tell me to take medicine. and i hateee that. so i wont :)

anyways. i need to stop eating so much. it's making me feel like puke.
but i have started to excersize more :) which is a plus. i'm proud of myself.

pretty sure my life consists of two things.

1. pushing people away...because i get scared.

2. regretting that i do that.
---------------------------------------------------

i am so annoyed with it. mostly i hate that right when i get over something (well..someone) it seems like they just pop right back into my life...insisting to never leave me alone. and it drives me half crazy. i wish i was good at talking..like one on one conversations about serious things. i've never been good at them...i just cant do it! i feel awkward. i cant think of anything to say. and i try to avoid it at all costs...when i know it needs to be done...but i just CANT.

somebody please tell me they have pills for that.

:)

well one..it snowed obviously. ew ew ew. :s i'm not looking forward to the long hours spent shoveling the driveway...but oh well..merrit will be soon to help :) HA

this morning i went and did the bell ringing for the salvation army at smiths :) it was fun! but veryyy cold!! but it was only an hour so i survived..thank heavens!! haha..

umm..tonight is the christmas dance!!!!! i'm super excited! our pajamas light up when you move!!! HECK YEAH! haha...i'm pumped :) then afterrr we're going to party it up :) yayayay!

OH! my biggest news..i now officially have a job :) ewww haha. at red hanger. it's connected to some coffee shop..so it smells like coffee and smoke. eww. and my boss is super niceee! it'll only be for a little while..HOPEFULLY. but really..it shouldnt be that hard. i workkkkkk...like almost every day this weekk..SUCK. and i have to go to the doctor on friday :s not excited for that. haha i know exactly what they'll say. um you're fat and not flexible. yes..i cannot touch my toes. it's not my fault! i practice EVERY DAY i swear..i just cant do it! oh well..it's not a big deal.

anyways one more week of school :) yay. i cant wait until christmas! it's going to be the best days of my lifeeee! anyways...i got lunch with my dad at sams club today :)

this time i really might have a job...

haha..well i had my interview at red hanger (the dry cleaner...for some reason people dont seem to know what that is nowadays. i guess that just goes to show that nobody washes their clothes anymore. sick) on saturday..and i have a slim chance of actually getting a job! yay.

..if i get it i'll just take it for a while..i could use the extra money that's for sure!

i also had an interview for big brothers, big sisters! that i am excited for! it's just 2 hours a week at the boys and girls club..and i get a little friend that i just play with and what not. i am super excited! all i need to do is send in my references and i'm all set to go!

and this week i had my first kenya meetingg! i am super excited! i am in charge of...planning the january retreat..which is just like as a group we go out and do a service project (probably serving soup at the soup kitchen) and then we all have a sleep over and watch movies and play games and stuff..and eat. of course! haha.. so that should be superrrrrrr fun! then...for while we are in kenya i am on the committee of cultural exchange, which will be way cool! mostly all we have to do is plan skits, and songs, and dances to perform at the opening and closing ceremonies for the village we are staying with! i dont think i am as nervous to go, although i am still really nervous! i am getting to know more people, and i feel a little bit more comfortable!

as for my 100 service hours...i'm knocking the hours down! i was able to use 20 hours of doing the school musical to go towards that..so i'm not AS stressed out! but i still am...of course!

lets see..i get my FREE haircut tomorrow! :D i hope it's not ugly..and bad news..because then i'll be really really really unhappy! but i'll let ya know how that one goes.

school is getting harder and harder..and i have about a million things to do..which is another reason why i am so stressed out! but...it's going good!

argh.

why does my soul insist on being in a bad mood? i want to screammmm. i think it's because i am so freakin tired all the time. i just want to express my anger towards winter. i hate hate hate it. :(

well. anyways...school is good. it's getting a lot a lot a lot harderr! but i'm trying to keep up! um. oh and i never told you i got a ticket on friday :( i had to tell my parents first. ugh. worst day of my life. i wanted to punch someones guts out..that's for sure.

but i had a fun time with merrit being home! and just spending time with everyone :) i was a big fan. and ornament painting. i must say i painted the worlds best ornament ever ever ever. actually..i painted two! i'll upload pictures later :) it's amazing! haha

well here's a picture of me and alex and emily in weights class :) ya gotta love ittt
p.s alex looks stupidddd :)