i am a teacher. in ukraine.

can everyone say teacher?
teeeeaaaacher?

very good!(in that annoying high pitched voice...like you're talking to a baby. or a dog)

that annoying high pitched voice is like the definition of my life right now. why do i feel like if i talk like that my lesson will be more exciting? or the kids will want to pay more attention to me?

no. they dont. they hate me. they make fun of me when i talk.

but you know what, it's going better then i expected...

yesterday (tuesday) my schedule is this: show up at the school around 10:40. get shuttled to a different school and be a teachers aide (aka they throw you in front of the class and you bs your way around the lesson for an hour) and..then at 1 the shuttle takes me home and i go back to my school and eat lunch, and then i can do whatever i please.

which is hide in my room and write on my blog, and probably sometimes sleep quite a bit.
i am still getting used to being here.

but i want you all to know: i went on an adventure.
it wasnt grand, it probably doesnt even seem like a big deal to you. but to me, it is.

i was walking home from school mid-afternoon...and i wasnt exactly sure what else i was going to do for the rest of my day. so i made my fellow teachers come on an adventure with me. and boy did we have fun!
okay, kinda sarcastic. but we did enjoy ourselves a bit...

step one: walk to my house from the school.
there are a few shops and different businesses on the way home, so i thought we could do some exploration.
we first went to this one store that had clothing in the window, so i was excited.... indubitably. but it turned out better than you would expect. this was no clothing store. this was a thrift store. i could tell by the smell. if any of you have entered a DI, goodwill, any thrift store ever known to man...you will know the EXACT smell that i am talking about. and i am happy to report, 6,000 miles away from home...thrift stores still smell the same.

but anyways, i found a couple awesome sweaters for pretty cheap, but  i didnt buy anything. i was far too busy overheating in my  many-a-layers.

then we went to the market, which coincidentally is  the exact same thing as a grocery store.
awesome.
so while walking to the grocery store, we walked up these stairs on the side of the building and then walked around the raised sidewalk to get inside, but there was a pillar blocking the entrance from where we were walking. and the only way we could get there was walk ALL THE WAY around the building and back to the stairs we came up, or we could jump down, attempting to hurdle the giant pile of snow that was underneath us.
so we decided to take the route any sane person would take, we tackled on that pile of snow like it was our biznatch.
first, my fellow teacher mike decided to jump down. the pile of snow looked pretty old and like it had hardened over the days, so we were confident in the fact that you could put your foot on it, and spring over the rest of the pile. i guess that wasnt so, because he sunk up to his knee, but was able to escape quick enough before anything else had happened. and then it was my turn to hurdle the snow...and i was prepared...kinda. i stood there for a bit being a big fat baby, and some guy came up to me and jabbered and then grabbed my hand to help me..so i went for it. and it turned out worse than expected. i sunk down up to my hip and then leaped out awkwardly. it was more dramatic, i promise, but i'm not quite in the most dramatic mood in the world, which is weird. this cold weather is starting to effect me i guess!

anyways, we went to the store. i bought some chocolate...some diet coke :)))))))))))), and some bread..and some hot chocolate...all for like $3!!!!
i love this place. i feel like i dont spend any money...i dont think i have spent more than $20 here so far. and i've done a lot of things!

so anyways, that was awesome. it was fun to look around the store and see all the funny new different things, and try and decide what different things are.
i love this place. dont listen to what i say when i complain, because i really do love it. i love my host family. i love my school (mostly), i love the teachers i am with, and i looovvveee the freedom and exploring i get to do. how lucky am i to have these experiences! i cant even believe i am here sometimes. i get kinda bummed when it is 0 degrees outside and i am crying my eyeballs out that my toes are cold. and i cant breathe because it is so freezing. and then i remember that i am so lucky that i get to be here. i wouldnt change one thing about it (except for maybe sharing this experience with all of you!) words cannot explain the things that i get to experience...i wish you all could understand.

this was the scariest thing i have ever done. who moves in..with a family they dont know...in a country they dont know anything about..with a language they dont know a single word...to teach a language to little brats in a program that is quite unclear?
i do :)
and guess what? it's the best thing i could have ever done. i have become so close to my host family. my host brother is stealing my heart. he is 4 or 5..and so soo sweet. when we eat dinner he HAS to sit by me. and he holds my hand while we eat. and then the other day i was eating and it was just me and the two kids and he turned to me while i was distracted and kissed me right on the cheek! he's just the sweetest little boy ever, and he's so funny. i am just so thankful i got such a wonderful family :)
my little sister is a student at the school i teach at, and she is so sweet. she would never speak english at home or to me, but when we got into the classroom, she is AMAZING. and understands and speaks so clearly. i love it.
so now we are a lot closer friends :)
what else about my sweet family? my host mom calls me a lot saying "i worry you not eat! you starve!" and "i not home tonight, you will get food okay?"
i always have a warm cup of tea and bowl of soup waiting for me when i get home. it's just so great to have this feeling of being looked after here, they are such sweet people to me :)
my host dad is hilarious. he is going to show me where a gym is this week so i can stop getting fat. i told him i was going to stop eating because i was getting fat, and he told me that wasnt allowed, only i could run...and then eat more after.
these people! they're trying to fatten me up.

anyways, that is all. mostly. i am just so happy to be with these sweet people.

so anyways, i got on that weird tangent. so i dont really remember what i am talking about (plus, i am writing this between two days, so i REALLY dont remember. so i will just continue on with waht happened today

thursday:
i woke up pretty early and planned my lesson ( i was only teaching 10-11) and i was super excited. i was going to teach them the alphabet. one letter a day. and that would be awesome. i had worksheets. i had games. i was so READY! :)
but no, that's not how things go in this program. when you think you are ready, you're not. something throws you for a loop and your world is turned upside down.

we had a new girl added to our class. ugh. we finally had our routine down. the two kids (liza and sasha) loved us. they participated..and i could see that we were going to do really well with the class.
but no. this new girl really threw us for a loop...wanna know why?
SHE WAS ONLY TWO YEARS OLD.
i'm sorry, but it was just not fair. we already have our hands full with the two kids, but throw this BABY into our class and all hell will break loose. what could go wrong, did. she was unruly. kinda one of those kids that if she has something, and you take it away. the world crashes down around her and she wont have anything of that. she'll cry her eyeballs out until she gets what she wants. and it's BAADDD. you think i'm kidding, but i'm not.
you know..when you're at walmart and you see those kids that are screaming at the top of their lungs, and their moms arent wearing any makeup, and they forgot to shower since they gave birth to that little brat?
yeah, times that by 3 and that's this little gem of a girl.
it threw off the groove to the whole class, she would cry, and it would be like a domino effect. she cried. the boy would get angry and start to growl at us. the other girl would get shy..and cry.
it was awful. i just feel like i'm babysitting, but then i'm expected to teach them a different language.

does anyone have any advice for me!?!!?!!?! PLEASE! i need activities..that are easy enough for a 2 year old to do...that doesnt understand the language i am speaking.

i wish you knew how good i am at charades.

anyways, after our hellish lesson, we NEEDED to get out of the school..and find some food that would make us smile. so me and my fellow teachers decided we would set out on the adventure of finding dominoes pizza. so we hopped on the bus that goes in the general direction that we knew it was, and rode our little hearts out. the only problem was, we didnt quite know EXACTLY where it was.
also, seeing as it is FREEZING in this entire country...the windows on the bus are froze over, so it is impossible to see out of. so we were kinda just winging it, which is always the best.
but guess waht? it turned out for the better.

we got off the stop where we thought we were supposed to, then realized it was completely the wrong one..but we thought we could maybe just walk around and get there by walking. so we started our trek. we walked..and walked...aaannnddd walked some more.

the people here are crazy. you know how people set up stands of random things and sell them in a little flea market looking thing? yeah, they have them everywhere. except its LITERALLY two degrees outside. i cant even comprehend what is going on inside of their heads when they decide to do that.
but anyways, i was kinda thankful for it because it gave us something to do while we were looking for our pizza!
so we looked around the stores for a little while, and i was FREEZING so i saw a sign that said "secondhand" so i made them come with me. ohhhh my goodness we were in heaven. it was like tj maxx times a million.
they had really nice brands of clothes, and everything amazing..for suuuper cheap. so we were going crazy trying on clothes, shoes, belts, coats, bags, everything!

it was the greatest thing of our lives.

we stayed there forever...wondering around the store...trying on everything there was in sight. it was amazing. i only ended up coming out with a shirt, but i still had fun. i guess i'm getting comfortable with that baby step, buying things and becoming more confident in this country. soo....dad, what's my next "babystep?" :)
if you say tackling the public transportation, too late! i've been on the bus around and back. i just need to figure out getting to the metro a little better, i guess.
maybe i will do that tomorrow.

so anyways, after trying on a million clothes, i was starting to get hangry, and i was really excited about getting my pizza and pigging out bigtime.
but guess what? we were still lost. what a disappointment. so we walked for a good FOREVER in the freezing cold. by this point i had to pee. i was hungry. i was freezing. it wasnt fun...
so i walked into a random building and pointed to an address near the dominoes pizza and the lady and i played charades for quite sometime to figure out what bus we were supposed to take back.
not to be rude or anything, but she was no help at all.

luckily, we used our heads instead of listening to her and we found the bus stop of the number we took, just going the opposite direction, and took that until we saw dominoes. and let me tell you, the second we saw it we jumped off the bus and RAN to it. it was the greatest day of our lives (at this point..it was like 3:00...we left the school at 12...haha that's how long we were lost..and how much time i had to get HANGRY)
but we made it there. and it was amazing. and they had a worker who spoke english, so he helped us order our half cheese half all meat pizza. i dont think we've ever been so excited in our life...we were americans. eating pizza. after being hangry and freezing forever. it was the happiest moment of our lives.

plus, they had a special. buy a large pizza, get cinnamon bread for FREE. we were all over that. we got our pizza, and our cinnamon bread, and devoured it within about .4 seconds..and then we were all sitting there looking at each other..and i was still starving up to my eyeballs...so i was hoping they were too..but i wasnt going to be the first one to say it. lucky mike was all.. "so..i dont wanna be the fat one but...are you guys still hungry?"
i was so happy! i wanted to leap for joy because i was going to die of hunger. so we decided we were going to go to carlys house and she was going to stay at home and do her homework and me and mike were going to go to the city center and get mcdonalds and hang out up (down, over? i dont know where it is at compared to my location) there...but once we got to carly's house, she realized she didnt want to miss out on the adventure and decided to come with us.

so we ventured out to get on the bus to find the metro to ride to the city center.
that didnt go as well as we had planned it...we got on the right bus..rode it to the right metro stop...and then that's kinda where we lost it...
i want you all to know that for some reason the metro stops are disguised very well. i dont know why they do that to us, but they do. you couldnt find it if it was in a where's waldo book. let alone in a different country. where you can see anything because your eyeballs are frozen. and you dont understand the language.
BUT we lucked out
because at her metro stop, there are a million little tents selling things. and then...there was a huge mall sort of thing..but made out of tents. i dont know what these people were thinking, but it kinda worked out for my benefit.
i dont mean to complain about the weather, because yes. i knew what i was getting into when i chose to come to this country, but i didnt know it would be THIS bad. but you know when you go into those sort of tent things, and you get in the middle and you think, the warmth of the tents, the lack of availability for the wind to find me, and all other crazy ideas you might come up with?
well, too bad for you because you, senor stupid head, are wrong. because the cold WILL find you. and it will be painful.
your fingers and toes will burn because they are so cold. your legs, too.
practically, you're just in so much pain because you are so cold. but, you will have to survive because, that is all you can do.

anyways, we found the jackpot in this little "tent mall"
the second hand store of all second hand stores. i dont think you understand the size of this thing. i wish i wouldnt have forgotten my camera because you would have cried of happiness if you would have seen this place. they had it all.
carly was looking for ski pants because her and a few other people wanted to go skiing next weekend, and she forgot to pack hers...so she found some for like $5.
they had coats galore.
clothes up the yinyang.
underwear, shoes, EVERYTHING.
i didnt even look through the whole store, but i was still out of my mind amazed. i spent most of my time in the coat section, trying 3 of them on at a time trying to warm myself up. i had found a little stand thing that sold tea and hot chocolate, and i tried to order some hot chocolate, and i guess in the midst of me saying "chocolate hot?" she got.."vanilla chi" and just gave me that...who knows. but whatever. all i wanted was a HOT DRINK. and it was actually very delish.

so the workers were all from morocco or something and they came here to study engineering...and they were talking to us and whatever..they were all very cold. but they kept pushing us to buy more and more and all i wanted to do was run away and hide in the worlds hottest room. but that was not possible here. they would not let us leave.
i wasnt wearing my warmest coat because i didnt think i was going to spend this much time in the frozen tundra, so i had to buy another coat just so i wouldnt die on my way home.
i found a cute coat that is my style, and it has fur so i would fit in here! so i got it for like $8..so i was like whatever, i'll do anything to save myself right now. i wish you understood how desperate i was. the other two i was with both bought quite a bit, and FINALLY i was like okay well we are leaving now because i am dying.

then i told them i was still hungry (buy this time it was like..almost 6) and so we got on the bus to go home, and stopped at dominoes (again) and shared cheese bread, chicken strips, and lava cake :) it was divine.

oh, except funny story. mostly, a lot of funny things happened on our adventure. it's just not funny unless you are there...
but we were getting off the bus and it was really crowded so its kinda hard to get off quickly. so first mike got off, and then the driver closed the doors. and i've heard people say something "nyetnyivky" sounding when they wanted to get off, so i start screaming that over and over again and pounding on the doors. luckily some really nice girl yelled to the bus driver and he opened the door and we jumped out before he took us away. :) go me and my awesome russian! hahahahaha

so we ate, and then we dropped carly off at her house, and me and mike went to get on the bus to head back home. the bus took a good 30 minutes to come, and let me tell you. in -3 degree weather. snow. wind. and all the other hardships i face (bwahaha) i was struggling. we were doing anything to keep our mind off the cold. singing. dancing. telling jokes. laughing. being really stupid. it was painful. FINALLY the bus came, but there was no way us both, plus my backpack were going to fit on this bus.

mind you, the bus is not a bus. it's more like a van (okay, it is a van) that people just pile into and pretend like its legit. it's awful....so mike hops on and i figure i'd rather be annoying and squeeze up next to a disgusting smelling ukranian than stand out in the snow and wait for another bus.  so on i went. people were so mad at me. but i didnt even care, everyone can suck it because i was happy to be on my way.
so a good 30 minutes passes, and we finally got off. it was like the home run for me. mike was nice enough to walk me home so i wouldnt freeze to death orrr get dead or eaten by dogs or something. it was getting late and dark. so anyways, he walked me home, and then had an hour commute back to his mansion in the forest (it literally has an indoor pool, sauna, it's ridiculous...)
sooo i came home...

my cute host mom shoved food down my throat the moment i walked into the door. she didnt realize that i was about to pee my pants. and i had another problem. i had WAY too many layers on to be able to just run to the bathroom. i was cutting it close, i rand inside and ripped off all my clothes. first my backpack, throwing across the room. then coat #1. then my purse. then coat #2. then my boots. then my sweater. i was getting worried. i didnt think i was going to make it. but dont worry..i made it to the toilet without a dribble of pee coming out prematurely.

anyways, i peed. i ate. i watched tv. and now i am here. go me. my eyes wont stay open. i had wayyy too much fun today :) i cant wait for the adventures ahead of me! what a wonderful life i have.

now go find the joys in your life :) they're there...just open your eyes.



(hey mom, i will tell you before i forget. my host moms brother was over, and was looking at the book of our family pictures, and they asked how old you were, and i told them to guess. they guessed 40. so that better boost your self esteem!)


okay, bye. also, when you feel bad about yourself. read my blog. remember the weather. remember that i ride the bus everywhere, and then get in your car and go for a drive for me :) thank you very much!

baby steps

today i took one small step to becoming more sustainable and a part of the ukrainian community.

i walked home from school, all by myself.

remember in elementary school when we were so proud of ourselves that first time our parents let us walk home all by ourselves?
it was the proudest moment of my life. i was a part of the "big kid club." i could do anything. i felt cooler, i felt older, i felt like i could take on the world, and nothing would stop me!

well guess what folks, i am reliving that dream.

today was my first day of teaching...and lets just say it went as well as the first day of teaching should go when you're in a foreign country teaching english to kids who expect to be as great as the last teachers.

so this is how my day went

7am. wake up. i didnt want to shower, BUT i didnt shower the two days before. and my hair was starting to hurt...sooo i dragged my fat butt out of bed to get in the shower.
my cute host mom was already awake making me breakfast. she is so sweet, every night she asks me when i wake up so she can get up and make me food. i tried to tell her i can get my own food, but she insists. she is sooo sweet!
so this was the menu: ( i swear..the food here is WAY too amazing) bread with cheese and butter (the three best things all in one) and some sort of gruel (thats what her russian/english dictionary translated it to be...it was delish...practially cream of wheat) and tea...I LOVE THE TEA HERE I WANT TO DRINK IT 24/7. maybe it's because they dont drink water here...or maybe it's because it's freezing and it totally helps...but I LOVE THE TEA HERE. i cant say that enough. it's not like the nasty tea at home.
maybe i was making it wrong, or maybe it's differerent but...
I LOVE THE TEA HERE.
haha, okay..i'm done being annoying.
for now...

so after breakfast (and getting ready) i packed all my stuff up to go get ready for my first day of teaching!
since i brought so many supplies from home, i decided i was going to just bring my rolling suitcase with me and pack everything to the school in that.

i encountered a few problems with this "amazing" plan:
1. when i walked out of my room with my suitcase, my mom thought i hated her and i was moving out.
i had to explain and show to her that it was for the school. she kinda had a heart attack

2. they dont shovel their snow here. so after a fresh snow, it takes a good 24 hours for the snow to get packed down to "sidewalk material" aka...a sheet of ice that is completely dangerous and i shouldnt be allowed to walk on... so anyways...it had freshly snowed last night..to the point of like...3 inches of new snow (on top of the 2 feet we already had) but i was bound and determined to get to the school. with my suitcase.
so on my journey i went...

at first it wasnt so bad. exited my apartment building, and walked down the road where the cars had made tracks.. then i got to the grocery store (my landmark of where i make an abrupt right hand turn, and can see my school in the distance) at this point i was sweating. three pairs of pants?
two shirts? a sweater..AND my coat?!
not to mention my hat and gloves, too.

i was dying.
even worse, i made the mistake of wearing three pairs of THICK socks and trying to wear my normal shoes (i made the fashionable decision of wearing my rain boots today..awesome outfit..not gunna lie)
have any of you actually TRIED to wear that many socks with your normal shoes? it's the worst idea anyone could ever  have!
my feet were falling asleep. they hurt so bad i couldnt walk anymore. i was ready to throw in the towel and go back home. but no. i could see the school, nothing was going to stop me now. not even my sweaty brow, and my over-used lungs.

at this point in the journey, there was no more "patted down" snow to walk on (or to roll my extremely huge suitcase on) so..i did what any brave american girl would do in this situation.
i cried.
hahaahahaha just kidding, i didnt.
gosh, i'm not that big of a baby you fools!

i picked up that 50 pound red suitcase filled with construction paper and glue, and i carried it all the way through the snow, not setting it down ONCE so it wouldnt get moldy. i was panting. sweating. cursing every child that would use that construction paper. and then, before i knew it, i had made it. the glorious gate with shoveled sidewalks. it was a success.

so long, dramatic story short...i made it to school.

blah blah blah, i get into the school and start unloading my supplies. the school is a ghost town all the time...its kinda creepy. we just have 3 classrooms in the huge building that nobody else uses..it;s strange...i'll make a video of it someday and show you guys.

so i was unloading my trophy of a suitcase that i had carried all that way...(mind you, i had a backpack while carrying it as well)
none of my group had shown up. we were supposed to be teaching in an hour, and nobody had anything planned out. i figured it would be a disaster, and we'd reconvene tomorrow and figure out what we were actually going to do for the rest of the week.

they showed up, we attempted to plan, but honestly we had no idea what to expect..so we just went for it...and we were blind sighted.

i was so excited to start teaching and meet all the kids.
i made a mistake...wanna know what? it was in the sentence "all the kids"
there were two of them. a girl named liza who is 3 and cried the whole time because she was scared of us. and a boy named sasha who is 5 and he growled at us the whole time. they sat there like frozen statues not moving, not talking just crying and or growling

it was awful.
BUT we whipped out the stickers, and they warmed up to us a bit. so that was an interesting experience.
glad it's over.

so then..we waited..and "prepared" from 11-3. at 1 the school serves us lunch

the menu?: pot stickers with only potatoes inside. aka amazing.
soup. of course. bluh.
bread.
pear juice
i think that was it

we had so much organizing of supplies and such, we didnt have time to even go outside....it was a good time though. we chatted, and got to know each other more

not much happened..
oh except i broke a chair. yup. i did. i was the fat girl that broke the kiddie chair.
it was awkward.
i tried to glue it back with elmers glue, it didnt work. dont ever try it. baaaad idea.

then it was time for our 3 hour block. and let me tell you, THREE HOURS IS A REALLY REALLY LONG TIME.

we got our classes (there are only 5 kids..so we do one big class, and the teachers switch off teaching for 30 minutes each.) and then for the first and last bit of class we sing and go over the days of the week and the weather and everything.

none of us had our lesson planned out. i was frantically searching, and i found an ink pad and paper, so guess what we did? i made them make thumb print people of their families. wanna know the best part? the ink was green. i dont know why but it was hilarious to me.

anyways, i wish i could tell more. but i am going to be honest with you and say this " i am being honest when i say my eyes are closed while i am typing this post.

i am going to bed my friends. tomorrow will be interesting, if only you knew what i have in store for tomorrow! :) okay adios.

comment.

okay thanks bye

i didnt sign up for this...

i just dont understand whats going on anymore...and honestly. all i want to do right now is pack my bags and come home.

i am having a nervous breakdown, and i havent even started teaching yet. and honestly, teaching is the least of my worries right now. today i had the most traumatic thing in the world happen to me. literally. i almost jumped in front of the train and called it quits.

i learned some things about myself today that were very interesting:
1. i am awful at navigating
2. i am even worse at public transportation
3. i dont do well on my own in big cities
4. no matter how much i though i could speak russian, i cant
5. mcdonalds is a safehaven
6. i need a gps, please

today we decided to go to church as a group, but since i live in CHINA i had to get to the bus, then to the subway, just to meet everyone at the end of the subway line

so then i got to the end. and met a few other people, we somehow found the bus that we were supposed to take and hopped on and rode it. the only directions we had were "get off in front of the 'great wall' car dealership" and walk toward the temple. except there was one problem, the temple is white. and so it snow. trying to find it is kidna like playing where's waldo...impossible.

but luckily on the bus i noticed this girl was reading church literature...so i thought "she is going to church, i will follow her!" so we followed her..and sure enough it took us straight to the church! horray! i was so excited to get there. here's the temple. and me excitd to get to church.

so this is the happy part. yay church. it was so good, we met really nice people, the lessons were good. everything was good. 

and here is where my life came crashing down into a million pieces. 

going home. 

i had no idea where i was going. NO IDEA. someone took me to the right metro line that i was supposed to take, and i had somewhat of an idea as to where i was supposed to get off, but honestly i had no idea where i was, where i was going, how i was going to get home, NOTHING. i had already started panicking. i didnt know what i was going to do. communication between my host parents and me is difficult, especially over the phone, i didnt know how to tell them where i was lost at even. 

panic was swelling in my soul. 

i started getting light headed. 

my stomach was hurting. 

i knew i was going to puke. 

i just wanted to cry, but i knew i needed to keep my head on straight, and head forward and fake it and to get through it alone. 

that wasnt the case. 

i got off the metro at the right stop, went up the correct stairs, and then i lost it. 

where was i? 

i didnt know which bus to take

they all were going different directions

i didnt recognize anything

oh, wait. what is that? 

OMG THE HOLY GRAIL

it was mcdonalds. 

at that moment, i ran. didnt walk. ran. splashed slushy snow everywhere...but i didnt care. it was my safehaven. something familiar. thats when i just lost it. i sat there not knowing where i was, where i was going, or how i was going to get there. i knew at that moment nothing was going to be okay. i sat there for a good ten minutes pleading with god to send me some sort of  angel or else i was marching right back into that metro station and jumping in front of the train, happily. 

because ANYTHING was better than being lost in this city. anything. 

so after i gained some sort of composure, i called my host dad and told him where i was. our conversation went like this 

me: hello! 

him: hello mallory, where are you

me: i dont know. the metro stop. at mcdonalds

him: what is mcdonalds?

me: MACDONALDS

him: i dont eknow where you are. what station? elkasdiinsenburgen? 

me: i dont know. the station i went to this morning on the bus. 

him: you get on the bus?

me: NO. this morning. i go on bus. to metro. red line. i am there. 

him: i ehdont understand mallory 

me: you hybenshimer shnettleburger! 

him: i ehdont understand mallory. 

me: i dont know. i am at mcdonalds

(wife in background) oh i ehknow. (then russian talk)

him: okay be there in twenty minutes

i figured it would take at least 30. so i waited. 

20 minutes past

and i waited

30 minutes past. and i waited

40 minutes past. and i freaked. i called him...and he said 5 more minutes. 

so i waited for 10. then i lost it (again) 

okay, truthfully, i had lost it this entire time. i was crying. i was scared. i was freezing. i was alone. i didnt know what to do, except pray. 

over an hour past, and then i saw my host dad looking for me. i ran out to him and just started crying, and he didnt understand. i tried to explain that i was lost and i was so scared and this is all i got: 

"why you crying? what is escared? why you lost? it not hard mallory"

i gained my composure and leaped through the snow after him, trying with every ounce of my being to not start crying again. he tried to show me where i should have gone to catch the bus, but i didnt understand, then we made it to their car ( i had no idea they had one, but it was a nice one!)

and they showed me where to get on the bus at to go home, and which stop to get off at. and then from there i kinda made mental notes where to walk. the problem is..i live in an area where there are 15 buildings that ALL look the same, but i can figure it out. after today, i feel a lot better. i feel stronger. more confident. i rode the bus! i made it to church! i made it home! the world will not end, just dont forget me in your prayers, please. 

i guess today i kept in the back of my mind the real sacrifice that so many people have to go through to go to church every week. two hours one way. $5 in metro, and bus fares. i mean, it adds up. not to mention the amounts of snow we had to trek through to get there. 

people are troopers. 

oh. another funny story. so this morning, my host mom walked me to the bus stop and shoved me on a bus and said "get off at end! then take metro!" 

so i got on the bus, and realized everyone was paying, so i put my money down by the driver and he handed me my change. well the closest open seat was right behind him, so i plopped my bum right down next to him just anxiously looking out the window trying to decide if i could tell where the end would be, without looking too out of place.

then we stopped at a stop, and tons of people got on. all of a sudden money started flying at me from every which way there was. i would grab it, set it next to the driver, he would hand me change...i would hand it back to the person. and it just kept happening. i felt like a local. maybe it was the furry hat that made people think i was one of them? i dont know. 

i felt so legit

:)

i cant wait until i dont get lost anymore. or even if i do, i dont freak out, and i can find my way. 

as i always say, pray for me tons 

yellowbluetibia

today was an interesting day. my host sister (dasha) walked me to the school, and we met up with some other people to drive us to the other school to meet up with the rest of the group. then we did a whole bunch of pointless talking and training for HOURS. and then we were all starving our faces off so we went to the city center, which is BEAUTIFUL and walked around there and they gave us a mini tour of the center and talked about the buildings...which was very interesting. but it was FREEZING and snowing. and i got all stressed out that someone was going to steal my backpack, so we went to a restaurant, kind of like chuck-a-rama. but i got...the most delicious food in the whole wide world. i got potatoes with onions and cheese and chicken and tomatoes. i wanted to die of happiness, it was the yummiest thing ever made. the bread and cheese here is so  amazing, i cant stop eating it. i know i'm going to get fat here, i just know it.

so after we ate, my friend (who i leave "close" to) had her host sister come and pick us up and take us home. i feel like such a baby because i cannot do anything on my own. i am scared to even go outside by myself haha. i cant even look at someone without getting embarrassed. maybe it's the coat i wear around. everyone laughs at me. but i dont even care, it is the warmest marshmallow i've ever had on my body. and i love it. but all the women here wear very nice clothes, and heels. and NOBODY leaves the house without some sort of fur accessory. so i need to get me a fur coat or something so i can stop embarrassing myself. seriously though, it's embarrassing. but i'm pretty sure the fact that i'm an american that walks around following an 8 year old girl is more embarrassing than not having a fur coat or fury boots....oh well.

okay so after when we rode the subway, i met my family at a stop and we rode the subway together to go to my host mom's brothers house for his birthday celebration. and let me tell you, ukrainians know how to CELEBRATE.
i met a lot of very nice, very interesting people there. there was a boy about my age who was studying international relations in the university here, so he speaks english, which was SO nice. so i talked with him...and he was very sweet, kinda shy. but i made him translate everything for me. and then i sat next to this other guy and girl who spoke english pretty well, and they asked me a lot about salt lake (they all know it because of the olympics) and about my family, and my school, and why i decided to come here..and then they tried to teach me russian (i dont remember a thing) and then they tried to teach me ukrainian (which is actually a very pretty language)
so everyone was very nice. we ate dinner, and had cake and then we played poker. i was so tired though, but i was having a lot of fun talking with them. then my host parents sent me home with their brother because i was tired, and my sister came with me, and so we came home and he dropped us off...and then they stayed. who knows if they'll ever come home.

tomorrow we are going to attempt to go to church, which is a two hour excursion...so i have to wake up at 7 to get ready, and then at 8 my host sister is going to take me to the bus, and then show me the metro stop that i meet my friend at. and then we are going to take the subway all the way to the church (for an hour) and then we have to take a 30 minute bus ride from there to the church...

so wish me luck
this is the first time i will be riding the public transportation...and i have to do it alone! but i have my russian phrase book, and a  cell phone..so i think i will be okay...let's hope! hahaha...

eek. i kinda just have to take everything as an adventure, and i have been, and i am loving it! the snow is wild. walking in the snow is even worse. and the fact that my feet dont fit into any of my shoes because i wear so many layers of socks is outta control, but i wouldnt want it any other way...except for maybe if i was on a beach...
and if everyone spoke english...

but that would be in a perfect world. and i like my imperfect one a lot better. it's more hilarious.

except, i start teaching on monday. i still have no idea what i'm teaching...so that will be interesting. i guess we'll find out on monday! i am not worried though. all you have to do is be super animated and talk a lot..that cant be too hard, right?

bahh!

anyways, here's some pictures so you understand what's going on here :)

p.s. i learned how to say "i love you" in russian. and it's "yellowbluetibia" so feast yourselves on that masterpiece! :) 

the eagle has landed.

руддщк акщь еру дфтв ща глкфшту!

i wish i could pretend like i knew what that said, or if that said anything. but what i would like it to say is...
hello from the land of ukraine!


:)

is that weird to think about for you guys? that i'm actually here..because it is for me. but anyways. here is my take on everything right now.


-dont sleep for 4 days before you go on long flights. you wont get too bad of jet lag, and you'll sleep like a baby on every flight you go on.

- study up on a language before you go somewhere. it might help you.

- people in ukraine never stop feeding you. ever.

- when they say it's snowy in ukraine. it's SNOWING. hard. and winding in your face. and painfully cold.  (winding= fierce winds. that blow snow in your face so you cant see)

- listen to them when they tell you it's cold outside. because if a ukrainian says it's cold, IT'S COLD.

- "close" to them means at least 30 minutes..either walking, subway, or with the metro. so when they say something is far, dont even think about going there.


- for some strange reason, my lips were swollen when i woke up this morning. and they were painfully dry. i wanted to cry they hurt so bad. and i have been piling on the chapstick, but it makes it burn. SOMEONE TELL ME WHY THIS IS HAPPENING.

- they pull their kids around on sleds. why did i never think about this? best.idea.ever.

okay, so i guess you wanna know about my host family, and everything else well, here you go.

i live with the cutest family ever, and the very sweetest. there is a mom, a dad, and two kids: dasha and igor. dasha is 8 and igor is 4. to tell you the honest truth, i'm not sure if these are their names. but that's what i've picked up from our broken and extremely painfully awkward conversations.

the dad speaks the most english, and it's very hard to communicate. i tried asking if i could get a key to the apartment just in case i came home and nobody was here. yeah, he didnt understand. it was awkward trying to explain it for 10 minutes and then just saying nevermind. yesterday he took me to the market, which is just a small version of a grocery store here. it was fun! i mean, it was nothing really new here. except he asked me what i wanted to eat and i told him sandwich stuff, and he laughed and told me to go to mcdonalds for that...it was awkward.

ukranians are very blunt and straightforward. kinda sometimes it makes me feel stupid, but whatever. i'm used to it.

the mom is very nice. she tries very hard to speak english to me and asks me a lot of questions. both the parents work..she is advertising for a publishing company..and he is a sea captian..or something. i dont really know. it's hard to communicate..i'm not going to lie.

what else, the kids are cute. i think they're scared of me. they just run away and dont look at me.

i'm not going to lie. this whole set up is kinda awkaward. but i am lucky and have my own room. and internet. and today after meeting with my group we shared horror stories, and i am most def one of the luckier ones.

the boy in our group lives with one boy. he's 25...and only has one leg. he wasnt given a blanket to sleep with, and has to share a room with him. he says it's awful. and his "host brother" said he was going to sell him for prostitution. awkward.

also, there were other horror stories, but i am just happy i dont have to be apart of that..for the most part.

i do have a pet mouse in my room. i dont know it's name, but i call it fluffy. it's grey, and super...fluffy. and cute :) except for the cancerous tumor on it's face, i dont know what that's all about. but it's weird and gross. so i dont touch it. only poke it with a pencil.

what else, umm...today i made pretty good friends with everyone in my group. i like them all a lot. me and this one girl totally bonded today, well me and everyone kinda did. but me and her just couldnt stop laughing about this whole situation called "we're in ukraine and it's really scary and awakrd here"

so lets talk about teaching. i am scared out of my mind. but excited. i think (actually, i know) it will take a while to get used to. but i am excited. i start on monday morning (which is sunday night for ya'll) so make sure you pray for me.

okay, pray for me about everything, not just teaching. this place is really scary, and cold, and confusing, and the city is HUGE. so just..pray. a lot. i would appreciate it. i dont think i've prayed this much in my entire life.

i cant rembember what i've told you. umm...yesterday we picked up the little boy from daycare and they have a room dedicated for your winter cloths in every building. you have a change of clothes there so you dont have to wear your winter clothes. and i guess you're supposed to bring slip on shoes or slippers to wear when you get to a place (like school, or houses, or museums)

um. this might gross you out, but the amount of boogers my nose is producing is ridiculous. i feel stupid because i have to pick my nose sometimes because you know when it starts to hurt? and you jsut have to get them out. yeah, i had to do that. and i got awkward looks. but i dont care because i had to...and i dont know anyone here.

i kinda feel invisable here. like nobody can see me, and i'm just in some sort of interactive movie where i'm not really here...just pretending. like a dream! haha.

when people talk to me i just smile, and they look at me funny. i found out smiling is socially unacceptable. who woulda thought! but i dont know waht else to do! i cant reply! so i will continue doing my own thing...pretending like i belong here.

my dad told me before i came that there will be baby steps that help me become like i fit in here. step one is to buy your first thing. i have yet to do that. i dont even step foot outside my house unless i HAVE to. this will come. i think step two will be to find out where the subway station is, and to have the guts to get on. luckily they gave us all cell phones so we can call eachother or our host families and get help if we are lost. that makes me feel a looot better.

hmm waht else. everyone that speaks russian sounds so angry! i love it! it's actually a very beautiful language. i am trying to catch on to some key phrases.

all i've picked up is da da da. which i feel like means "yeah"...but that's just what i'm thinking. i honestly have no idea. pretty much 99% of the time i have no idea waht's going on, and i just trust that someone does. it's quite the adventure, that's for sure!

i could never be happier to be somewhere, even though it's the scariest thing i've ever done, i know this will be the adventure and experience of a lifetime! :) i cant wait!
please please dont forget about me! :( and say many prayers on my behalf. i need them!

pictures will come soon...once i can get my own computer hooked up to the internet.

фвшщы ьн акшутыю ьфн еру ащксу иу цшер нщг
adios my friends. may the force be with you :)

panic and denial

hi. i dont know if you forgot about me, but i still exist. and i am still doing that really crazy thing called moving to the ukraine for 5 months. except, wanna know the funny part?
i leave on wednesday. yeah, like...this upcoming one.
as in...i have 4.5 days on this planet i like to call america.

and i'm living in denial.
i dont like to think about the fact that i havent even started packing.
or the fact that i can barely say hello in russian.
or the face that i am moving to the frozen tundra.
or that i'm leaving everything i know to be alone in this scary place doing something really scary that i have no idea how to do.
or the fact that i'm going to miss my older sister coming home...whom i havent seen in a year and a half.
or the fact that i'm missing easter...valentines day..presidents day..ryan's birthday...memorial day..st patricks day..and all the other days.
there's a lot of facts that i'm stressing hardcore about. and i just wanna cry.

is it bad that i already feel alone...and i havent even left yet?

:(

the worst part is. everyone's encouraging words make it WORSE. stop telling me i'm going to be okay. i know i will. just let me stress out because i'm doing something really scary!
we all know how much i hate the unknown. and literally...this whole thing is the unknown. i found out yesterday that i'm leaving wednesday. i dont know who i'll be living with...what to expect...NOTHING.
literally.

my eyeballs are going to fall out from crying so much. all i want are a million hugs. no words. just hugs.

:(


in other news.....

 :))))))))))))))))))))))))

 my birthday dinner :) 

 he's back! :) whaat!

i also cut my own hair. i wouldnt recommend it to anyone. 

i dont know what i was thinking...it was a good idea at the time. i was practicing! i didnt wanna trust a crazy eastern european to cut my hair, so i thought i would just do it myself. 

bad idea. 

i trust them over myself any day. 

love this. it will be my life for the next 6 months. :) 

also, this was pretty legit. it's not making me feel any better though. i'm still freaking out. 

mehhhhhhh. 

The Kiev Live - Timelapse from Oleg Finger on Vimeo.