what happened?

will someone tell me where mallory went?
i mean, not this one. not the one that's here. the one that had fun. that laughed. that was excited to wake up in the morning to tackle on the daily duties. the one that did stuff. like smiling.
something happened, i dont know what. but i dont remember the last time i was actually excited for something. i am sick of everything. i want everything to be the way it used to be. i want my sister back. i want to not be living in this forsaken apartment. town. county. everything. i get anxiety every time i have to walk into my apartment. i dont think my brain is even on when i'm at work. and school is a joke. everything around me is going, and i just am sitting here with a glaze over my eyes going through the days counting the seconds when i can go back to bed.
i need a little bit of saving. and a friend.

what to say..what to say...

haha okay, i know i am the worst blog writer in the WORLD lately, but i honestly have no freaking clue what to say anymore!
i wish my life was exciting. i wish that some crazy thing would happen. but lets get real. it's not.
want to know my life schedule?
8 am. wake up.
9 am. you're late for class, hurry up and go.
12 pm. get home from class for the day.
12:15 pm. hurry up and eat.
12:30-2 pm. homework, homework, homework.
2-3 pm. play with kami (my roommate)
3-4 pm. take a nap.
4:30 pm. leave for work
5-10 pm. work.
10-12 pm. (honestly, who knows what happens in this time. i just sit on the computer, or hang out across the hall. or just go to bed.)

thats my life. every. single. day. exciting, i know. i'm not trying to complain, dont get me wrong i have some fun. but it does get boring at times. i just wish i had a day off where i could do something. but then again, i have no freaking idea what i would do with a day off. usually, on my tuesdays off (because i have tuesdays off..for class that i have that goes until 6) but i have no idea what to do with myself and my time off!
i really like my job at the call center. i get a lot of hours, enough money to pay for things i need, etc. and i am making a lot of friends there :) we have fun.

also, for the longest time i thought it was ect. not etc. i'm so silly sometimes.
like when i was eating food with this kid i work with, and he was talking about how at work this and this and this happened. and i looked at him i was like wait! where do you work?! (all seriously) and then it hit me that i work with him!
i was so embarrassed.

okay, i guess i do have some BIG BIG NEWS!

I GOT A NEW CAR! my death car, that was literally trying to kill me, was getting out of control and so i told my dad and battabingbattaboom! mallory had a new car! it's super cute, and so me!
it's an all black 09 kia rio. how freaking cute, right?!
anyways, i'd be jealous if i were you. haha just kidding.
okay maybe one day i'll take a picture of it and show you guys the joyfulness of the car. :)

excuse me, sir

so a whole lot of funny things have happened lately, i just want to sit around and laugh so hard sometimes.
anyways, today i was sitting on the bus and the most disgusting smellling person was sitting here all high and mighty. it was a combination of BO and cologne. it was the smell of vomit. i couldnt stop laughing at that poor soul. bless his heart, i almost wanted to give him some wet wipes or something.

then i had to run to class because i was SUPER late and so i ran into class and there was this boy presenting, and i wasnt really paying attention to him because, you know, who really pays attention in those kinds of things? yeah,  not me. but then! i looked up at him and i discovered something that i wish i would have known years ago.
ELF'S EXIST! there is no way they couldnt after looking up at his sweet little pointy ears.

also, i need some serious help, with a few things actually.
1. i am looking for an after school nanny job...for somewhere in utah county. so if anyone knows of anything, please please pleaseeeeee let me know! i will be your best friend forever.
i miss those kinds of jobs so bad. i miss being around kids. i miss their voices and their energy! i'd rather change a diaper then sit in an office all day.
i miss everything about it.
2. i need some help. i am trying to make a budget for myself because i feel like my money just goes places that i dont even know. SO what i'm asking for is suggestions on how you've budgeted..what you've noticed that works and doesnt work .

school is getting better. it's hard. it's lonely. it's a lot of work, but i am working at it every day to be positive and to make the best out of what i have, because in the wise words of my cousin rachel, the grass is greener where you water it!

i got to talk to merrit yesterday morning, she was leaving the airport for ecuador! horray for her! i am so excited for her :)
it was kinda hard talking to her, but absolutely perfect! i miss her so much every single day. but she is going to be a super great missionary. she is doing really well, if anyone wanted to know!
she kinda feels like it's not real life, but she is loving it! she is kinda overwhelmed with the whole situation, but she'll adjust lickity split. (i know i spelled that wrong, but honestly everyone i asked had no idea how to spell lickity, so dont be hatin)

also, i need some hugs. so if anyone wants to. come to orem. give me a hug. and tell me that we're friends. because sometimes i get a little lonely and sad.

anyways. bye.

welll.

fall break was wonderful :)

it was just what i needed, and i had a lotta fun! but now it's  back to school and i think i am just going to lay in my bed forever and never stop.

wanna know something? i just made dinner for the first time by myself. weird, huh? 

i made scones, and chili, and we had honey butter. and it was so yummy. but not really worth all the money and time, so i am back to eating applesauce and water. it's a great diet, i must say. 

i went to church for all 3 hours yesterday, which was a miracle. anddd i went to munch and mingle..AND. ward prayer. i am so so proud of myself.

have you ever seen a bear combing his hair?

also, i hate philosophy. 

lets play!

i hate how in the moment of life, you dont find the joy. you dont realize how happy you are, or how lucky you are to have what you actually have. and then after...you look back and wish and wish that you could have everything back to where it was.
i wish so badly i could be back in elementary school, or even middle school.
but honestly, i'd even go back to the WONDERFUL summer that i had. i did so many fun things, and i got to be a kid again.
running around pretending to be a ghostbuster with the kids i nannied, riding on the back of an elephant, strutting my stuff down the streets of portland, and having dance parties on the roof of a hotel in thailand until the wee hours of the morning.
it was what i call a picture perfect summer. :)
but it's october now. oc.freaking.tober. and i dont know how this happened, really. i have lived here for almost two months (only 7 months leftttt!) and merrit leaves in 9 days. i cry almost constantly about this. i cried in class today haha. oh man, this is going to be the longesttttt 18 months of my life. i'll be over halfway done with college, i will probably have a job that you dont get paid minimum for doing back breaking work, and possibly i will have a grasp on what life is all about. this isnt what i like to talk about though.

anyways, the real reason why i am reminiscing on my wonderful summer, is how much i wish i could just remember to play, and find the light and joy in life..no matter how dark the clouds are over my head.



 this video helped me remember all the funny silly times i had this summer, running around the house pretending to be chasing ghosts. why do we have to grow up? oh yeah, that's right. we dont.

thats a major reason why i love LOVE my major. i get to help kids play, and learn, and do both at the same time. it's what i'm so excited about.

anyways, while walking home today, i had the most wonderfully glorious sight:

the storm was a brewin', and i was excited. i kept seeing lightning in the distance, and could only PRAY that i wouldnt get attacked by the pouring rain that was to come. i love rain, and i love dancing in it. but when i have all my homework and my laptop, there would have been some angry words dancing around my head.

just past that soccer field, there is a giant parking lot i walk through to get to my apartment. it's always full when i am walking home, and there are ALWAYS people driving around searching for a parking spot, but they can never find it...because there isnt one! so they end up deciding to stalk people walking through to parking lot, because they assume i am going to my car. i'm not. and it's always funny because they will be about 5 feet behind me, and throughout the ENTIRE parking lot they follow me, and get all disappointed once i get to the grassy patch and still dont get into a car :) the people that actually ask are wonderful, because i dont feel like i am being watched, and i hate that. plus i dont like that they are most likely looking at my butt. i mean, go ahead and look. but stop staring at it! ;)

maybe i should put a sign on my backpack that says "stop following me, i'm not going to my car. BACK OFF!"

i'll be sure to make that today.

anyways, does nobody read this anymore!? i am getting depressed and less and less desirous to update ya'lls on my life.
that's my hint of telling you to comment. because they make me happy and feel less lonely.

also, any tips on how to survive this next 18 months of solitude would be helpful.

take your hat off as the flag goes by.

have you ever been walking and feel like everyone is just watching you?
yeah, this happens every.day.of.my.life.
at my school, they have this hallway. it is lined with chairs facing the walkway, and then as flags lining both sides of the hall.

you can only imagine how awkward walking down this hall can be! i always feel like people are going to stand up and clap and cheer for me!

secretly, i wish they would. how exciting would that be..seriously! all i want to do is be cheered for.

so one day i am going to stage a giant musical and people are going to be singing and dancing down the hall and nobody will ever know what hit them. 

and it is going to be so so wonderful...i can just see it now. :) first i just need to find some friends to do it with me. 

also. i have a secret. i am in love.

:/

reasons why i love my family

enough said.