aight my friends. with the craziness of life, and all the things that make you want to crawl in a hole and DIE about. i have advice. well maybe not advice, but i have my story. and it's pretty lame. but i just feel like i wanna talk about it. and since i have lost all my verbal communication skills in life, this is the only way i convey my important thoughts.
anyways. my hiding place. i like to pretend like getting there is the hardest thing in the world. and i like to pretend i hate every second of being there, but in reality..i wish i was there all the time. ALL the time. anyways. this place is called the gym. golds gym. i like that the moment i walk in those doors i know NOBODY and i can put my headphones in and listen to my music as loud as i want and sing along and run until my legs turn to jello and i fall off the back of the treadmill.
forever and everrr it was the biggest chore to get me there. the only reason i went was because i spent so gosh darn much money on it that by golly i was not about to let it go to waste! but the more i go, the more i LOVE running. and lifting weights. and zumba-ing until my butt falls off.
so then i was thinking. if everyone had their hiding place that they could spend 2 hours a day just doing there thing..everyone would be a LOT happier. so that's my goal. well besides stop being fat. is to allow myself ME time. especially when school starts. i'm so terrified that i am going to lose it and go on some crazy outrage of fire breathing anger and stress. so hopefully i wont die. and my eyes wont fall out of my head. but hey, one can only hope.
anyways. find your happy (or hiding) place. and i hope hope hope it's the gym because i promise you endorphins are gods gift of magic happy juice. and you'll love it.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
i want everyone to know this
i am going to be a big deal. dont believe me? just wait and see :)
i changed my major. and no, not to peace and justice studies. i've been struggling a lot with the whole elementary education stuff. i was embarrassed about what i was doing. i wasnt comfortable when student teaching, and i was petrified of my future. i didnt want that lifestyle. i didnt want to be a teacher for the rest of my life. i knew i'd be happy, and good at it, but it just wasnt exactly what i wanted. so what did i do? i changed it! because guess what? I DO WHAT I WANT! :)
and i couldnt be more excited about this new path. trust me. it's going to be twelve gazillion times harder. and i'm pretty positive i might be in way over my head. but also, guess what? i'm going to do it! and i'm going to freaking dominate.
okay okay. i know you guys are all dying to know what exactly i changed it to. and so here's the big surprise.
business management. WITH an emphasis in hospitality management.
:D
that's me. smiling. because i am so THRILLED.
these are the things i am most excited about it:
i feel like i'll meet a LOT of really cool people.
i get to work with people.
i am going to have so many possibilities! i have the freaking world at my fingertips! and it's going to be so wonderful. because i'm going to dominate.
i feel like i'm going to be really good at it. (not to be cocky or anything, but i am pretty much good at everything in the whole wide world. and i know you all would agree with me)
i am going to show up every single boy in that entire program with my awesomeness and smartness.
i can finally fulfill my lifelong dream of being an event planner! (and no. i didnt say wedding planning. never will i ever say wedding planning.)
umm. i am excited about a lot of other things, but mostly that's all i can think of.
but you guys should be excited for me too. because when you all decide to throw a huge party and dont feel like planning it, you're going to call me and then i'll turn it in to a kick-butt event of the century. and you'll pay me twelve million thousand dollars because you'll be so happy.
also, wanna know what else has been going on?
i got a spray tan. and it was beautiful. i was a beach goddess for a good week! but now i look like a diseased fool. :) my favorite thing in the world
i am still obsessed with chocolate. i think it's a weird disease i have. it's like the hip hop fever...only worse.
remember how excited i was that they changed the radio station at work? well i spoke too soon. first, they changed it back to 70's folk. then 80's rock. and now it's elevator music from HELL. seven out of the seven hours i'm here during the day i want to die. and take a gun and shoot the speakers. that's how much i hate it. so i decided something. they should let me be the boss of this place..and the DJ.
umm. there's a boyfriend in the picture. and no, he's not imaginary.
i need a vacation. i wish i could go outside of the america, but unfortunately i dont think i could afford it, and i dont have a lot of days off of work to do it. but anyways. does anyone have hookups for me to stay on someones couch while i get out of utah, i would be eternally excited.
what elseeee...i dont think there are any more updates on my life. pretty sure it's completely mundane and consists of a lot of looking out the window...sitting in a chair..and sometimes answering phones...
this is the life!
i changed my major. and no, not to peace and justice studies. i've been struggling a lot with the whole elementary education stuff. i was embarrassed about what i was doing. i wasnt comfortable when student teaching, and i was petrified of my future. i didnt want that lifestyle. i didnt want to be a teacher for the rest of my life. i knew i'd be happy, and good at it, but it just wasnt exactly what i wanted. so what did i do? i changed it! because guess what? I DO WHAT I WANT! :)
and i couldnt be more excited about this new path. trust me. it's going to be twelve gazillion times harder. and i'm pretty positive i might be in way over my head. but also, guess what? i'm going to do it! and i'm going to freaking dominate.
okay okay. i know you guys are all dying to know what exactly i changed it to. and so here's the big surprise.
business management. WITH an emphasis in hospitality management.
:D
that's me. smiling. because i am so THRILLED.
these are the things i am most excited about it:
i feel like i'll meet a LOT of really cool people.
i get to work with people.
i am going to have so many possibilities! i have the freaking world at my fingertips! and it's going to be so wonderful. because i'm going to dominate.
i feel like i'm going to be really good at it. (not to be cocky or anything, but i am pretty much good at everything in the whole wide world. and i know you all would agree with me)
i am going to show up every single boy in that entire program with my awesomeness and smartness.
i can finally fulfill my lifelong dream of being an event planner! (and no. i didnt say wedding planning. never will i ever say wedding planning.)
umm. i am excited about a lot of other things, but mostly that's all i can think of.
but you guys should be excited for me too. because when you all decide to throw a huge party and dont feel like planning it, you're going to call me and then i'll turn it in to a kick-butt event of the century. and you'll pay me twelve million thousand dollars because you'll be so happy.
also, wanna know what else has been going on?
i got a spray tan. and it was beautiful. i was a beach goddess for a good week! but now i look like a diseased fool. :) my favorite thing in the world
i am still obsessed with chocolate. i think it's a weird disease i have. it's like the hip hop fever...only worse.
remember how excited i was that they changed the radio station at work? well i spoke too soon. first, they changed it back to 70's folk. then 80's rock. and now it's elevator music from HELL. seven out of the seven hours i'm here during the day i want to die. and take a gun and shoot the speakers. that's how much i hate it. so i decided something. they should let me be the boss of this place..and the DJ.
umm. there's a boyfriend in the picture. and no, he's not imaginary.
i need a vacation. i wish i could go outside of the america, but unfortunately i dont think i could afford it, and i dont have a lot of days off of work to do it. but anyways. does anyone have hookups for me to stay on someones couch while i get out of utah, i would be eternally excited.
what elseeee...i dont think there are any more updates on my life. pretty sure it's completely mundane and consists of a lot of looking out the window...sitting in a chair..and sometimes answering phones...
this is the life!
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
the fish fiasco
Hello. Everyone in the world and their dog should know that I not only hate fish, I DESPISE them. I am so scared of them. My hands start to sweat when I see an aquarium. I get a lump in my throat just thinking about having to be in the same water as them. Swimming in a lake? No thanks. Snorkeling in exotic waters? NEVER.
I think it's a disease I have.
Anyways, back to the fish fiasco.
One of my very prestigious jobs at work is to feed the fish. No, they're not cute little gold fish or baby beta fish. They're SATAN fish. Literally. One of them eats all the other fish. And the other ones are just scary and mean and try to kill me every time I stick my hand in the tank to feed them. It's a disaster. And I have to endure this alone! Every morning I stand in front of the tank for about 5 minutes thinking about how awful the event of feeding the fish is. Then I pour the food into the little measuring cup, and take a step towards that awful tank. I hurry and stick my hand in the little opening and dump all the food in that I can before having a severe anxiety attack and fainting in front of all the customers. It's awful, let me tell ya.
Anyways, today was no different. I get ready to feed the fish, and all of a sudden realize that ONE OF THEM IS HALF EATEN. Yes. The evil oscar fish ate this poor guys fins! So he cant swim at all, and he's just left there. To die. Or to get eaten. Whichever one happens first. I screamed and ran away and told everyone, but dont worry. This isn't the only awful catastrophe that happened today with these fish. I'm feeding them, and realize there is a plastic thing on the top for the..high water or something. I have no idea. Anyways, I pushed the top of the aquarium off so I could find a hole to pour the food into, but I was nervous so I got one of the girls in the back to help me..and then there was a customer standing there kinda helping us/mostly just watching me scream my guts out about these nasty nast fish.
so. I feed the fish. All is dandy and well, but i'm resting my hand on the top of the thing while it's still open. (is this making sense or am I just talking nonsense?) anyways, this guy that was watching us decides he wants to tell me that the oscar fish will jump out of the tank if he gets the chance and I should be careful, so I ran away..and I was already spooked because the thought of a fish jumping out of the tank and slapping me in the face kept running through my head, and I hated it. So he laughs and someone made a really loud noise, and so I freaked out because I thought it was the fish jumping or something (because apparently in my head jumping fish sounds somewhat like a cow giving birth? Who knows what goes on in my brain. But I was scared, okay!?) so I run across the room screaming my bloody guts out because I thought it was trying to attack me.
And then I got embarrassed because everyone in the whole entire freaking dealership was there and saw my panic attack about the fish. But I swear, you'd scream too.
Anyways, now that everyone knows about my fish fear people make fun of me all the freaking time! It's not my fault, okay?! I cant help that fish are the second scariest things on the planet earth!
So. there you go. The story of how I almost died by a fish attack. I have more of them, actually. Like this one time..me and my mom and abigail (the lil sis) were in florida just swimming along in the ocean having a grand ol' time, when BAM. My mother starts screaming her guts out, declaring that her toe had been eaten off by a gigantic fish with saber tooth tiger teeth. Yeah, freaked the CRAP out of me, so I start running towards the shore because the last thing i'm going to do is get eaten alive by a flesh eating fish. Abigail grabs me because she knows how scared I am, and it took me like 45 minutes to get waist deep in the ocean, so there was no way she was going to start over again trying to get me in the water. My mom is screaming in pain, abigail is screaming at her to stop so I wont be so scared, and i'm on top of the boogie board crying out of terrifiedness. It was all together a bad situation, and people probably thought we all had severe handicaps...but truth be told, we do. :)
anyways, point of these stories? Fish suck. And they're scary. And mean. And flesh eating. So dont trust them. EVER.
I think it's a disease I have.
Anyways, back to the fish fiasco.
One of my very prestigious jobs at work is to feed the fish. No, they're not cute little gold fish or baby beta fish. They're SATAN fish. Literally. One of them eats all the other fish. And the other ones are just scary and mean and try to kill me every time I stick my hand in the tank to feed them. It's a disaster. And I have to endure this alone! Every morning I stand in front of the tank for about 5 minutes thinking about how awful the event of feeding the fish is. Then I pour the food into the little measuring cup, and take a step towards that awful tank. I hurry and stick my hand in the little opening and dump all the food in that I can before having a severe anxiety attack and fainting in front of all the customers. It's awful, let me tell ya.
Anyways, today was no different. I get ready to feed the fish, and all of a sudden realize that ONE OF THEM IS HALF EATEN. Yes. The evil oscar fish ate this poor guys fins! So he cant swim at all, and he's just left there. To die. Or to get eaten. Whichever one happens first. I screamed and ran away and told everyone, but dont worry. This isn't the only awful catastrophe that happened today with these fish. I'm feeding them, and realize there is a plastic thing on the top for the..high water or something. I have no idea. Anyways, I pushed the top of the aquarium off so I could find a hole to pour the food into, but I was nervous so I got one of the girls in the back to help me..and then there was a customer standing there kinda helping us/mostly just watching me scream my guts out about these nasty nast fish.
so. I feed the fish. All is dandy and well, but i'm resting my hand on the top of the thing while it's still open. (is this making sense or am I just talking nonsense?) anyways, this guy that was watching us decides he wants to tell me that the oscar fish will jump out of the tank if he gets the chance and I should be careful, so I ran away..and I was already spooked because the thought of a fish jumping out of the tank and slapping me in the face kept running through my head, and I hated it. So he laughs and someone made a really loud noise, and so I freaked out because I thought it was the fish jumping or something (because apparently in my head jumping fish sounds somewhat like a cow giving birth? Who knows what goes on in my brain. But I was scared, okay!?) so I run across the room screaming my bloody guts out because I thought it was trying to attack me.
And then I got embarrassed because everyone in the whole entire freaking dealership was there and saw my panic attack about the fish. But I swear, you'd scream too.
Anyways, now that everyone knows about my fish fear people make fun of me all the freaking time! It's not my fault, okay?! I cant help that fish are the second scariest things on the planet earth!
So. there you go. The story of how I almost died by a fish attack. I have more of them, actually. Like this one time..me and my mom and abigail (the lil sis) were in florida just swimming along in the ocean having a grand ol' time, when BAM. My mother starts screaming her guts out, declaring that her toe had been eaten off by a gigantic fish with saber tooth tiger teeth. Yeah, freaked the CRAP out of me, so I start running towards the shore because the last thing i'm going to do is get eaten alive by a flesh eating fish. Abigail grabs me because she knows how scared I am, and it took me like 45 minutes to get waist deep in the ocean, so there was no way she was going to start over again trying to get me in the water. My mom is screaming in pain, abigail is screaming at her to stop so I wont be so scared, and i'm on top of the boogie board crying out of terrifiedness. It was all together a bad situation, and people probably thought we all had severe handicaps...but truth be told, we do. :)
anyways, point of these stories? Fish suck. And they're scary. And mean. And flesh eating. So dont trust them. EVER.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
riuahfndalk
i cant think of what to say 99% of my life. i have about 170000 hours of free time at work, so if i wanted to, i could write my opinions on every topic on the world, but guess what? I CANT THINK OF ANYTHING TO SAY. everr. i think my brain stopped working, and now the only thing that it can think of is food and the weird dreams i have. and trust me, they're super weird. i wish i could remember them more than just weird bits and pieces about midgets attacking me, or the clouds spelling weird things to me, but you know...my brain wont ever do what i want it to.
so i'm not sure if i told anyone this, and quite frankly i am way too lazy to look at my future posts and read what i've said and what i havent, so you might get to relive the amazing stories of my wonderful life! you lucky duck, you.
mmkay. so i work at larry miller in provo. i answer phones, make spread sheets, run errands, order supplies, you know..all the important things in a company. i actually really enjoy it...as much as one can enjoy a full time job. (oh, my memory is reminding me that i've already shared this news with you. oopsies.)
anyways, it's a good times. of course, i have my good and bad days. i have the people i get along with, and the people that i wish would disappear off the planet earth..but i've made really good friends there! and i have a lot of fun, sometimes, so i guess that's all you can ask for, right? (okay, confession. i feel like i can only write nice things about it on my blog because i get scared that someone there might read it and i'll get fired for writing the wrong thing..so if you want stories and all the exciting life happenings of a receptionist..you're going to have to ask me in person! :) but honestly, i dont have bad things to say about it. also, i'll let you buy me dinner if you want. because that's always a nice gesture.)
i want to throw myself another birthday. i know, it'd be the third one this year...but i get to do whatever i want, right? i'm an adult! i can make decisions! i decide i want another birthday! this time i'm going to actually throw a party and do fun things, so expect greatness.
ehm. i'm going to grow a mullet. and nobody can stop me.
wanna know my biggest accomplishment of this week? :) it's a good one!
i, mallory kay denison, got the radio station changed at work.
what are you saying? that's not impressive? that's not a big deal? well i'm here to tell you that if only you knew the painful music i had to endure every day of my life. it was stuck on 70's folk music of death, where all they'd do is play songs like this or this.
yes, i admit. they really arent THAT bad of songs. but when you listen to them 15 times a day, monday through friday, it gets bad...really REALLY bad.
anyways, my laptop is getting really hot on my lap so i'm guessing it's time for bed. :) remember to send me a huge bouquet of bright flowers this week!
Friday, May 13, 2011
alive?
okay, so i've started this post probably about 6 times..and i just havent gotten around to actually posting anything. everything i was saying was completely worthless and i was embarrassed to share any of the things that had happened to me.
BUT. due to the fact that i am the most popular person on the planet earth, i promised many-a-folk that i would update on my life happenings. so...here it is.
1. year 1 of college is complete. 2.5 more years to go...and then i can be a real adult with a real job and real responsibilities and real things.
2. i moved :) my bed is taller than i am, AND to make it super classy...it's placed on top of cinder blocks and my dresser. i am convinced that one day i am going to die while trying to climb to the top of mt. everest of a bed. or the cinder blocks are going to decide they dont feel like holding the bed up any more..and i'll be the one to pay for it. but then i was thinking..if i were to set my bed on the ground like a normal human being that knows the danger in an elevated bed..my room wouldn't be able to fit everything! because we have two bed..two desks..two dressers..where do they expect it all to go?!...up in the air i guess.
3. finally got a gym pass again! i decided after thinking about it 24/7 and finally having dreams about it, i might as well spend the $25 a month to make myself happy :) so far i've been going every day! (okay, confession. it's only been 3 days. BUT STILL!)
4. seeing as i decided to work out again, i remembered how painful it is. since day 1 i havent been able to walk normal. i want to cry every time someone asks me to bend over. or get out of a car. or climb onto my bed. or climb out of it. or do anything that involves moving. and then i keep thinking "well if i drink more water and keep working out, it'll go away faster!" NO. it gets worse! and then all i have to do is pee a lot..and getting on and off the toilet is hard with my sore legs!
5. i got a job! i real job! a FULL TIME real job! impressed? i would be too. because guess what? i am an adult! a real one! with a full time job! i wear skirts and use clip boards and answer phone calls! but i dont wear high heels. because..the floor is slippery! and you have to walk a lot! and i KNOW i'll be the one that dies from a freak accident involving me wearing heels and falling over. probably the clip board would stab me in the stomach. and then it would be disgusting. so no, i dont wear those evil things.
6. i joined a soccer team :) our first game is tonight, and yes. i will probably die seeing as i can hardly walk without wanting to stab someone in the heart. but we'll see how it goes. maybe i'll fake an injury. :)...my stomach has been hurting pretty bad today. probably my stomach cancer is coming back.
7. i went to portland. it was fun. be jealous because it's the worlds greatest place. but too many fun things happened i dont feel like telling you everything right now. just know that it was fun and you should be jealous.
8. this is probably still the funniest thing. OF MY LIFE.
also, so is this http://whenparentstext.com/
:)
remember to smile. because it makes you look prettier.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
an ode to google.
here's an awesome question.
HOW IN THE WORLD DID ANYONE SURVIVE LIFE WITHOUT GOOGLE!?
seriously though, my life revolves around it. and i'm going to go ahead and make the bold statement that just about EVERYONE is a googleaholic. you either just dont see it, or you dont want to admit it.
think about it. (especially if you're in college.)
what do you do when you dont want to look something up in a book? you google it.
what do you do when someone uses a big word that you dont know what it means? you google it.
dont know the name of the song that is stuck in your head? google those lyrics, baby!
dont know the phone number to somewhere? google.
address? google.
spelling of a word? google.
for heck sakes, google even has its own verb now!
oh, and wait. there's more. they have google maps. google earth. google translation. google email. google videos. google chrome. google books. google financing. google shopping. google news. google EVERYTHING.
how can you not be a googleaholic with all of those wonderful things?! i love it. it's the ONLY reason i am able to pass any of my classes. because, oh wait. it makes research papers easier than anything in the world!
so yes. i am very passionate about google. you go ahead and try and imagine your life without this wonderfully amazing search engine, and you'll discover your love for it.
:) GO GOOGLE!
HOW IN THE WORLD DID ANYONE SURVIVE LIFE WITHOUT GOOGLE!?
seriously though, my life revolves around it. and i'm going to go ahead and make the bold statement that just about EVERYONE is a googleaholic. you either just dont see it, or you dont want to admit it.
think about it. (especially if you're in college.)
what do you do when you dont want to look something up in a book? you google it.
what do you do when someone uses a big word that you dont know what it means? you google it.
dont know the name of the song that is stuck in your head? google those lyrics, baby!
dont know the phone number to somewhere? google.
address? google.
spelling of a word? google.
for heck sakes, google even has its own verb now!
oh, and wait. there's more. they have google maps. google earth. google translation. google email. google videos. google chrome. google books. google financing. google shopping. google news. google EVERYTHING.
how can you not be a googleaholic with all of those wonderful things?! i love it. it's the ONLY reason i am able to pass any of my classes. because, oh wait. it makes research papers easier than anything in the world!
so yes. i am very passionate about google. you go ahead and try and imagine your life without this wonderfully amazing search engine, and you'll discover your love for it.
:) GO GOOGLE!
Sunday, April 3, 2011
mallory cake?
okay, friends. i realized something. and that thing is called..the name of my blog is called mallory cake, but about 1% of the people that read my blog have any idea why i called it this.
1. i am so uncreative, i cant think of anything all cutesy and funny.
2. i love eating. especially treats. like cake. but mostly brownies and cookies. chocolate chip cookies :) with ice cream on top. and chocolate sauce. and happiness and joy.
3. my middle name is kay. now, i know many of you are thinking "mallory you fool. kay is not anywhere near cake." but trust me, i know. but when i was a wee little lad, but cute grandpa whitey would always call me mallory cake. now, since i have an awful memory, and sometimes my mind plays games with me and gives me dreams that i think are real but they're actually fake. so anyways, my pretend memory remembers how cute my grandpa was.
anyways, my grandpa would always tease me and call me mallory cake. i think it had something to do with my chocoholic addiction of chocolate. but anyways, i loved it.
but now that i think of it, i had some pretty awful memories. my least favorite would HAVE to be people making fun of my name. my uncles would always harass me. like once when they buried me in the sand on the beach and LEFT ME THERE. i was traumatized. i cried and cried and screamed. i'm suprised child protective services werent called. i was upset. and they would sing this awful song. oh the horror.
"mallory bo ballory banana fana of fallory me my mo vallory. MALLLLLOOOORRRY"
yeah, not cool. i attribute my anger in life to that song. i had no power against them! they just kept singing and singing.
oh i cant think about this any more. it's horrific.
1. i am so uncreative, i cant think of anything all cutesy and funny.
2. i love eating. especially treats. like cake. but mostly brownies and cookies. chocolate chip cookies :) with ice cream on top. and chocolate sauce. and happiness and joy.
3. my middle name is kay. now, i know many of you are thinking "mallory you fool. kay is not anywhere near cake." but trust me, i know. but when i was a wee little lad, but cute grandpa whitey would always call me mallory cake. now, since i have an awful memory, and sometimes my mind plays games with me and gives me dreams that i think are real but they're actually fake. so anyways, my pretend memory remembers how cute my grandpa was.
anyways, my grandpa would always tease me and call me mallory cake. i think it had something to do with my chocoholic addiction of chocolate. but anyways, i loved it.
but now that i think of it, i had some pretty awful memories. my least favorite would HAVE to be people making fun of my name. my uncles would always harass me. like once when they buried me in the sand on the beach and LEFT ME THERE. i was traumatized. i cried and cried and screamed. i'm suprised child protective services werent called. i was upset. and they would sing this awful song. oh the horror.
"mallory bo ballory banana fana of fallory me my mo vallory. MALLLLLOOOORRRY"
yeah, not cool. i attribute my anger in life to that song. i had no power against them! they just kept singing and singing.
oh i cant think about this any more. it's horrific.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)